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[Random the Navigator]

[A good place to break in; after the RP creator's departure, Kiye and I decided that the story *and* Ash's presentation needed to be taken in a new direction.  This is the last post co-written by the original GM.]


::: [ Past and Prologue ] :::

Ash gripped Ni'ka's waist tightly and squeezed her eyes shut as they flew; the height and speed was still something she would have to get used to.  "Just let me know when we are close," she asked.  "I can't stand flying right now."

"Just hold on," Ni'ka comforted her friend.  "It's not that far, and I've told Lor to be careful."  The feeling that came to her over Tsaheylu said pretty much that, with two riders on her back, Lor wasn't up to any aerobatics anyway...but that was something Ni'ka decided to keep from her passenger.

So they flew in silence for a while, the sky getting gradually brighter until Ni'ka could make out a familiar silhouette against the sky.  "I can see Hometree already," she told Ash.

A short while later Lor landed in the rookery on top of Hometree, Ni'ka dismounting quickly and helping Ash off the Ikran's back.  "See?" she said with a smile.  "We're there, and you didn't fall off."

With Hometree being more than half-empty, it didn't take them long to climb down the great spiral and finally get down to the common grounds.  By now the few Na'vi remaining knew who Ash was; she just got a few curious glances, but nobody was really in an uproar about the Dreamwalker walking among them.

"We're going to have to find the Tsahiks," Ni'ka said, looking around and trying to spot them somewhere.

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[New stuff!]   

The Tsahiks weren't hard to find.  They were gathered in a little knot just outside the Tompa'tanhi Olo'eyktan's private meeting-place, muttering between themselves in tones that bespoke waning patience.  "I don't understand it," said one.  "The Dreamwalker woman visited the Heart two times in that many weeks, did she not?  And all things did was get worse!  Then she gives poor Na'vie a few days off from her prattle, and Lo! --Somehow the All-mother manages to find us.  So we're letting her do our work for us why??  I've said from the beginning that we can bloody well take care of this ourselves!"

"And yet she presumes so much," another sighed.  "Or did you hear what she said to Tiye last time?  To Tiye!"

"That was a bit extreme, I admit," said a third.  "She doesn't seem to think much of us.  Has she sat down with any of you since we first met to prepare her for her task?  Just sat and listened, or expressed any interest in anything more than it would take to get the job done?"

The three of them thought about it a moment, then shook their heads.

Ash, hearing just enough of this to make her heart sink, paused behind a pillar, well short of how close she'd have to be to greet them.  "Ni'ka," she whispered anxiously, "something tells me I'm not the most popular person in Hometree at the moment..."

[Kiyevanie]

The way down the spiral had left Ni'ka with mixed emotions.  Most of the time she had spent there had been in 'Iheyu's nook; it had been only a few times she had come down: the day she'd talked to the Olo'eyktan and the Healer's Elder about Tsanten and about her own state; the day Waytelem had officially accepted her as a Clan hunter...and very few other times, mostly when she was flying in and out.  But all of those times Hometree had been bustling with activity and people; seeing it now half-empty seemed so wrong...

So her mood hadn't been the best to start with when she heard the Tsahiks' talk, and now her heart sank even more.  So far she hadn't seen much of Ash and the Tsahiks together, so she didn't know what had happened between them.  But of course she knew that Ash had had several run-ins with other people lately.  Some of this probably came from the red crystal and its influence - if there was someone on Pandora who knew what the Red could do to someone's mind, it was Ni'ka.  But some of it must have come from Ash's strong determination to put everything she had and everything she was into saving Pandora, sometimes forgetting what was left and right from the straight path she was storming along.  And as much as Ni'ka loved Ash as a friend, and knowing how much she owed to her and Rick, she wasn't blind and could see where the Tsahiks were coming from.

Still - Ash was a friend, and Ni'ka did owe her her life, her health and her sanity.  And as shy as the dark huntress could be when it was for her own accord, if it was about helping a friend the fierceness of her spirit animal, the Palulukan, shone through.

So now she nodded to Ash.  "I See and hear what is spoken," she said.  "Still, we have to try it."  She bit her lip.  "No matter what's happened, asking spiritual help from the Tsahiks is something everyone is allowed to do, even if things have gone wrong in the past.  But I think we'll need to be very respectful now."

She gave Ash a quick hug, then stepped out from the pillar, taking a deep breath and bowing her head to the three spiritual leaders.  "I See you," she said, giving the Tsahiks the most respectful greeting she could manage.

[Random the Navigator]

Now the whole group of them, a dozen priests and priestesses in all, turned to face the newcomer, an unforeseen respect in their eyes.  If Ash's reputation was a bit iffy at the moment, there was nothing wrong with Ni'ka's.  Anyone who'd known of her presence in Hometree at all knew her courage in the face of the most extreme adversity and in her simple desire to be part of the community again.  "As we See you," Ali'ite, the Tsahik of the Tompa'tanhi, replied; then she bestowed an affectionate smile.  "Although I can't claim we've seen you; we're still getting used to 'people of color', as the Tawtute might put it, peeking their noses around pillars and shadowy places!"  She turned to the rest of the gathering.  "My sisters and brothers, meet Ni'ka, huntress of the Tompa'tanhi."

Some of the others shuffled a little nervously in spite of themselves; but all did, indeed, See her and return the greeting.  "And who's your friend...?" Ali'ite asked encouragingly.  Of course she knew who it was; they all did.  But she herself had not shared an opinion on Ash, and now she saw how the Dreamwalker hung back from her colleagues' cooling gazes; she wanted to instill a more welcoming frame of mind among her fellows.

"Oel ngati kameie," Ash murmured as she stepped forward, feeling very small despite her Avatar's height.  What to say next?  If she pretended she hadn't overheard them, they'd surely see through it; if she started by making her suggestion, they'd think she was being bossy; if she tried to clear the air, they'd think she'd been skulking...  She thought about something that Brenda had said: ~ Assume they can see you. ~  And another bit of wisdom from the same source: ~ Ain't no way out but forward. ~

"I, umm..." she began lamely.  "I've been talking to some people and thinking...a lot...about how I've been approaching things, and...well...we've gotten a lot done, but in some ways, I don't think I could have messed this up any further if I'd tried...  Can we talk?"

The group of shamans exchanged arched brow-stripes; they certainly hadn't seen this coming.  "But of course," Ra'nah's mate replied, smiling and extending a hand.  "All have the right to approach us in time of spiritual need.  And perhaps you might be able to ease our hearts; surely you also felt the All-mother the night before last, and we'd love to hear some good news from your camp for a change.  Come..."  And she led the gathering into the Olo'eyktan's vacant audience-chamber.

[Kiyevanie]

Ni'ka's ears perked up a bit and she smiled back gratefully at the Tsahiks - this was a much better opening than she had expected.  The tips of her ears were slightly glowing from the warm introduction the Tompa'tanhi Tsahik had given her.

The smile stayed on her face as she followed the assembly of spiritual leaders to the audience chambers.  "I think then we might have some stories to share," she said softly, encouraged by the warm welcome.  "We're also curious how the Great Mother has blessed this place."

That brought more smiles, especially from one of the younger Tsahiks, a woman in her late thirties with a bright yellow shawl around her shoulders who gave a friendly nod, although her glance towards Ash was still reserved.

[Random the Navigator]

Somehow, even though Ash had tacked herself onto the tail end of the little troupe, she found herself in front by the time everyone began finding their places in the chamber.  This was awkward, to say the least...but then, she had been the one to request a hearing.

The Tompa'tanhi's spiritual leader seated herself on a large root--once covered with vines, which were all now dried--and patted a spot next to her, much as she would for counseling a child.

Ash gratefully took the offered place, already feeling much better than she would have if she'd been forced to stand front and center.  "Thank you for this," she said, patting the spot herself.  "Dunno if I ever told you, but I'm not much of a public speaker...  Yes, I know I've had to address people since this started, but I'd be lying to you if I claimed my knees didn't turn to water every time."

"That would explain your stilted demeanor, would it not? said a male Tsahik.  "You know what I mean--how you have been closed off to us and spoken stiffly when you have spoken at all.  I confess that many Clan members have mistaken this for arrogance.  So that is not the case?  Then we have wronged you by not questioning the matter more deeply."

A female shamaness spoke next.  "It'd probably have helped if you had let us come to know you more as a person," she said neutrally.

Ash felt a flash of resentment at this, but with some difficulty managed to suppress it.  Still, there was an edge in her voice as she said "I'm sorry, but a childhood mostly spent in a hospital bed isn't the best way to develop social skills!"

"Indeed, it isn't," said Ali'ite.  "But what 'Ohana is saying is that we wish we had known this before today.  Do you remember our first conference, when all of us were trying to prepare you for the journey ahead?  We understood your urgency, for it was our urgency too.  But your haste to be on your way...  My dear, you almost seemed bored with our droning, or at least eager to get away!"  She didn't seem offended by this; the All-mother knew how a child being tutored could get the wrigglies.  "But a certain restlessness has always been part of your nature, hasn't it?" she continued.  "And if you think about it, that can probably be traced to your time in your healers' wards as well."

"I hadn't thought of it that way," Ash admitted.  "There are a whole lot of things I haven't thought of...  That's why I've decided to try to listen more, to yield more to other people's wisdom...to leave some things to the experts."  She looked down.  "I'm kinda new at it, so please don't bite my head off if I get it wrong the first few times...or the first few hundred..."  She shrugged a little helplessly.

The Tsahiks exchanged significant looks over the Dreamwalker's head.

[Kiyevanie]

Ka'hi, the Tsahik with the yellow shawl, raised a brow.  "Seeing that something was wrong is a first step; deciding to change a thing about it is a second one, and starting to listen to people with more wisdom is never wrong.  Still, those are things a child should have learned, no matter if it was in a hospital bed or climbing around in Hometree."  Her eyes were only a little warmer than before and she sighed.  "The People put a lot of trust in you, and while I don't doubt your resolve or your bravery, the thought of putting so much on the shoulders of an 'evi...I wonder if we made the right decision there."

Despite her intention to act respectfully, Ni'ka couldn't help the sudden swish of her tail.  "Friend Ash is no..." she started, then quickly shut her mouth, ears drooping, hoping she hadn't messed things up.

This actually made Ka'hi smile.  "No, your friend Ash surely isn't a child, and I know that.  But the spiritual part of her Being still has to grow, and for her there's very much to learn.  So maybe we put a burden on her shoulders that she..."  Now she turned her head and looked at Ash directly: "...that you weren't ready for yet."

[Random the Navigator]

Ash put up a hand to Ni'ka.  "No, Ni'ka, I am a child when it comes to these things," she told her, then turned to Ali'ite again; she found it less unnerving to only have to deal with one pair of eyes at a time.  "This is what I learned from Tiye, and I'm kind of shocked I never recognised it myself.  I've come here every other time insisting that you treat me on equal terms, when, as Rick would say, I'm not even fit to polish your boots.  Or, umm, dagger-sheaths, I guess...

"But she and Tangek and a few others said something that really struck home: that I can't hope to fix something I don't understand.  And I don't.  I don't understand your sense of community.  I don't understand how you function almost as one body.  I don't understand how clued-in you are to everything about your world.  'Iheyu taught me a meditation that gave me a hint--just a hint--of what that's like.  And if I hadn't been so frazzled about blowing it with Enya, I might have even given it time to sink in, or done it more than once.  Same with when Ngatapa taught me and my mate how to commune.  Or what Brenda said--umm, have I told you about Brenda?"  She knew the answer instantly, however, and smacked her forehead hard.  "I can't believe it--I haven't even told you about Brenda yet!"

Ali'ite nodded.  "I think the first and last we heard of her was when Tiye told you she'd come to your camp.  Is she a wise one of your People, then?"

Ash had to chuckle.  "Brenda?  Eh, maybe wiser than she knows...  But, no, she was Enya's minder at Hell's Gate.  Tough, tough woman; warrior-hard sometimes; a real survivor, and nobody you'd want to mess with unless you like arm-wrestling with thunderstorms.  Frankly, she scares me sometimes...  But she knows how to live on this world.  Even as a human, but especially in her Avatar--who, by the way, she treats as family, and you'd better believe she gave me an earful about Sprout!  That and some other things..."  She blushed.

"So what did this Brenda say?" Ali'ite prompted.

But 'Ohana scowled.  "I'd say there are a few more important things you haven't told us about yet," she said tersely; then she relented and continued in an earnest, somewhat puzzled tone...maybe even sounding a little hurt.  "Such as, what exactly have you been doing all this time?  We know you've visited the Blue Lady at least twice, and Rick says you've recovered most of the shards.  But what was it like in the Heart?  We here have been hoping and dreading to learn what you've found there--hoping it is anything like we left it, dreading that the lights have gone out there too.  Maybe not so much dread since the Blessing...but don't you think we could have used a little encouragement before then, if there was any to be had?"

At Ali'ite's sad nod, Ash hung her head as her heart sank six feet under the floor.  "I...guess I haven't been much of an ally, have I?" she murmured, close to tears.

[Kiyevanie]

"Nobody ever doubted that you allied yourself with the People, and that is why we are sitting here and talking - because we know your heart is right and strong," Ka'hi said.  "But to be allies it takes giving and taking...which goes for sharing our thoughts, our ideas, and the things we learn.  And you have been too much on the giving side.  Giving us too much of your advice, your ideas, your suggestions about how things should be done.  And too little taking - taking of advice, ideas, learning.  As you have said it yourself - not listening enough."  She smiled sadly.  "And with all those words and ideas you gave us, you still forgot to tell us a lot of the things that are really important."

Ni'ka's ears drooped even further.  "I think we all might be a bit guilty of that last part," she admitted.  "None of us at Ash's camp has been to the Heart, that's true, but there are so many other things...and unlike Ash, I'm Bonded to an Ikran with strong wings.  Lor and I could have come and told about a few things.  Things giving hope, like Na'vie calling Enya's spirit to the Heart when my tsmuke needed it most..."  She felt her eyes get moist at the memory about how close they had been to losing Enya that day.  "Enya calls her 'Blue Lady' and the Heart the 'pretty place'."

Now the sad expression gave way to an impish smile.  "Those two must have had a great time.  They were - among other things - playing in the pool, exploring in the caves...  And in some ways they've healed each other.  Even if most of that healing went from Na'vie to Enya, I think that Enya helped fill some empty spots in Na'vie's spirit too."

Now Ka'hi's jaw dropped.  "Na'vie has invited 'Iheyu's 'ite to the Heart???"

Ni'ka nodded.  "Yes, she did.  And..."  She spread her hands.  "Something else came out of that...  People know about the Heart in our camp now.  And I think Na'vie knew this would happen, or else she'd have told Enya to keep the secret."

[Random the Navigator]

At the words "Blue Lady", everyone blinked--Ash no less than the Tsahiks; for, while that was Enya's name for the Heart's ancient guardian, 'Ohana had used it too.  "Umm...you call her the Blue Lady too?" Ash blurted.

Ali'ite answered for the gathering.  "Not all Clans refer to our sacred ones by name.  The Omatikaya might say 'Eywa' and 'Na'vie'.  'Ohana's Clan uses 'the All-mother' and 'the Blue Lady'.  For others yet, they are 'the Great Mother' and 'the First Child'.  And of course you've heard our own Clan use all these names and a few personal ones besides.  We are one People, so we all know who is meant.  But the reason we are gawking at *you* is because somehow, out of nowhere, and even though she knows nothing of our lore, the only Dreamwalker-Awake in the whole wide world has named Na'vie the same thing we have."  She chuckled.  "'Iheyu did say that I really ought to meet that girl..."

Maru, the male Tsahik who had spoken earlier, now cocked his head.  "Perhaps you two could back up a step...?  Who is Enya, and what is a Dreamwalker-Awake?"

"Ah," said Ash, suddenly feeling put on the spot.  "That, uh, might take more than one of us to explain..."

Ali'ite began for her.  "Enya is 'Iheyu's youngest--not so young by the look of her; but the Dreamwalkers are born fully-formed, and she is actually many years Tali's junior.  He found her injured, you see, and while relations with her kind have been tense, no one is going to turn away a child in need.  She's been down here a few times.  'Iheyu brought her to meet my mate when she was well enough, seeking permission to adopt her into the Clan."  She regarded Ash, eyes twinkling.  "Ahh, how you two scampered around the Commons afterwards!  It was good to see; even in crisis, we permit ourselves to play."

Now she addressed the others again.  "But we very soon discovered that she was not 'her kind' at all!  You've seen how the Dreamwalkers seem to be almost soulless when they sleep; they are not, of course, but it takes a true Sensitive to See them at all.  Enya is not like that.  She has her own spirit--a strong spirit, very strong indeed--and her own waking life when she is not 'sharing' her body with her Sky Person.  Which she can't anymore, because as I understand it, her Sky Person died just before the world went wrong.  We never understood the nature of that Bond until she was here to speak of it--most of them can't, you know.  But it is so close that losing it must have been like losing a parent, a mate and an unborn child all at the same time.  I don't know how she survived it...

"But she was down here another time, the very day before her family left Hometree for a safer place.  Ra'nah saw her then, too, as did Waytelem and Ngatapa, and by then she even had Tangek wrapped around her extra finger!  And she was so strong and straight, considering her injuries; she bore herself with dignity...that is, until she went bouncing into his arms!  She learned how to take care of a Pa'li and experienced her first Tsaheylu, which by all accounts filled a need deeper than anyone knew.  But they had to evacuate before anyone in her family could tell us how that went...  Ash?  That's as much as I know about the girl secondhand; can you and Ni'ka fill in some of the rest?"

Ash shifted in place.  "I think Ni'ka could tell you more than I can.  I haven't been at the station a whole lot...and we didn't get off to the best start, and I've blown it with her a few ways since..."  She explained that, with her several extended absences, she had not come to know the orphan Avatar nearly as well as she would have liked; and she freely admitted that she had inadvertently harmed the girl, first with her incredulity and then with her meddlesomeness and misdirected protectiveness.  "I've missed so much of her growing-up, and she's done so much of it since she left Hometree; I don't think I really knew her until last night, and she's a really beautiful person...  I feel I've missed out on so much!"

"You are not alone in this; all our children grow up too quickly," Ali'ite said with an affectionate smile.

[Kiyevanie]

"Yes, Enya has been growing a lot in these last few weeks," Ni'ka nodded.  "She loves taking on responsibilities, like tending the lights that keep the red mist away - or caring for Tsanten; somehow from the first moment she understood him best."  She smiled.  "The way the two of them invented a code to keep a message secret was amazing.  And now that code is not only a way to keep that information safe, but it's also growing into something we all can learn and that will give Tsanten back a way to speak to people."

She smiled at Ali'ite.  "Bonding with Kilvanä - that's the Pa'li's name - did two things for Enya, I think: it helped her grow and it helped her heal.  And the Bond also gives to both of them.  I'm not sure if Kilvanä sees Enya as another foal to raise, but they care deeply for each other and have the closest bond I've ever seen between rider and Pa'li.  They're one of the best foraging teams I've ever seen...um, as far as I remember."  Ni'ka's eyes closed for a moment - there were still so many holes and gaps in her memories...  "What they found helped as much with our food situation as the hunting Kenten and me did."

She turned to Ash now.  "See, she wants and needs to grow - even if that means bruises now and then.  She's getting better at climbing and swinging and running; soon she won't need her staff for anything else anymore except learning how to smack it over the bad people's heads!"

[Random the Navigator]

Ash nodded.  "Silronsem told me as much; ye gods, that was almost the first thing out of her mouth when I woke up in this body that morning.  'Good to see you're awake--and, oh, by the way, don't freak out about Enya's boo-boos; she's very proud of them!'  Have I been that bad?"  She shook her head.  "But yes, I have been.  I got so upset with Tiye for saying I'd be a terrible mother, but all I know about children was what I felt like in that hospital room--meaning I don't know anything about children at all!  Healthy ones; active ones; curious ones.  When I really need to worry about them and when I just need to stand back and let them make their own mistakes..."

Maru's brows went up.  "Tiye said you'd be a bad mother?  She has strong opinions, true; don't we all in this business?  But that doesn't sound like her.  I'm afraid we've only had one side of that story, the side we got from your shouting..."

Ash blushed, her eartips reddening.  "The less I'd said then and the less I say about it now, the better, maybe...  She didn't actually say I'd be a terrible mother.  What she said was...well, she chewed me out for neglecting this body for so long, then said she prayed I never had any more children.  Meaning she sees Sprout--that's this body when I'm not 'sharing'--as my child, my first child."  She turned to Ni'ka almost frantically.  "I mean, doesn't that explain the whole thing??  The treatment I got when I came back to the station?  'Iheyu telling me that almost everyone Saw beyond that, but Enya not even saying Hi?"

She faced the Tsahiks again.  "Of course Tiye would think that.  If she sees Avatars as their drivers' children--and who wouldn't, after meeting Enya, besides me?--then I was already guilty of child neglect.  Because I was making the same mistake about Sprout that the people at Hell's Gate made about Enya--seeing them as things to be put to use, and not as children who need to be raised and trained or, in Sprout's case, at least fed and exercised and thought about once in a while in some way besides what good we can get out of them.  Enya is the first one of her kind that could even tell me what being 'her kind' is like, and I wasn't even listening to that!  God, what a fuck-up..."  She buried her face in her hands, shaking her head in dismay.

[Kiyevanie]

"That was part of it, yes."  Ni'ka felt sympathy for her friend.  She knew that Ash had a caring heart; she had seen it first hand when she had opened her eyes after Stalker's taser-knife had stunned her out of her Vrrtep-induced frenzy.  But she also knew that with the Tsahiks, nothing would do but complete openness and honesty.  And Ni'ka had seen how deeply disturbed Enya had been about Sprout being so helpless and uncared for.  "Yes, you told her before that it was necessary to not take Sprout along.  But time is different for the hunter than it is for the ones waiting at home.  Enya knew that you had to do important things...but there was still Sprout alone on her sleeping mat, and it was a long time."

"If this Dreamwalker-Awake is a child in mind and spirit, then it felt even longer to her," Ka'hi joined in now.  "Children feel time passing by differently than grownups."

"There's that too," Ni'ka agreed, knowing that Enya wasn't the best at waiting for something, especially as a few things she was waiting for had been postponed again and again.  "So - while her mind knew what was going on, her heart told her a different thing.  And Enya loves Sprout deeply.  She feels responsible for her."

"It seems this child has a very strong sense of responsibility for the weak ones," Ka'hi mused, then turned her intense gaze on Ash.  "Yes, it seems to me you should have listened to her more, and on more than one thing."  A small smile softened her features.  "But we were already on this 'listening' subject from before..."

[Random the Navigator]

"Oh, she is," Ash said of Enya's childlikeness.  "Less so now, maybe; she's said some very wise things in the last day or two, and it left me wondering whether she's been that way all along and we--the Sky People--just never thought to look into it.  When I met her she was still wide-eyed with fear, trembling, helpless, desperate to see someone like her...and that's the image of her I've been carrying in my heart ever since.  But that's me being stuck in that place, not her.  She said--this is one of the wise things--that I really needed to get to know Enya-Now, because Enya-Now is not the same person as Enya-Just-Met...not the same person at all!  I never knew her at her best, only as crippled and bereaved.  I never lived in the 'long wood place' with the other Dreamwalkers, you see, and they didn't talk about her anywhere else.  They didn't trust anyone else.  They didn't trust *me*..."  She had never been much given to displays of emotion, but now she dabbed a tear in spite of herself.

Ali'ite placed a comforting hand on Ash's thigh.  "Which brings us back to the subject of you being a child, at least in the important things," she said gently.  "And the question of whether you were really ready for the task we placed upon you.  Yes, children do like to take on responsibilities; it is how they can feel they are part of the community, that they are giving something to the Clan.  So Enya forages and cares for the weak ones, even though in the beginning she was so weak herself.  Wasn't it the very day she met you that she, ah, took over Ni'ka's wardrobe?"  She couldn't help a smile.

"But these are things she has chosen for herself," she continued.  "You did not choose the task we gave you.  Indeed, it wasn't even your task!  Ra'nah told me about your meeting; your mate was chosen to go, and 'Iheyu thought he'd do better if his beloved accompanied him.  And yet here we've all been, expecting great things of you and pinning your ears to the wall for not measuring up!  Ma'ite, there's enough shame in that to go around for everybody."  Her eyes swept the chamber, and every other Tsahik nodded at least a little bit.

[Kiyevanie]

Ka'hi felt a resonance to what she had been thinking before - that they had been placing responsibility on a child's shoulders that was more than a child would be ready to bear.  And that had been even before she now learned that it had been the Tawtute warrior's task to begin with...not his mate's.

So her nod to Ali'ite's words was sincere.  "We all know the situation is dire and that the last thing our Great Mother has is too much time.  But sometimes hurrying along is the wrong thing to do, especially when time is precious.  Maybe, once everything is spoken and every song is sung, you should take a few days to let your spirit catch up with everything that has happened?  To spend some time with your mate - those bonds need attention too?  And to show a certain child that you care about...um...Sprout?"

Ni'ka's ears flinched.  Usually she would have agreed with the Tsahik, knowing how Ash had run herself thin with everything going on.  But there was the little thing with Ash's mood swings and the aftereffects of the crystal shard...  But that wasn't her story to tell.

[Random the Navigator]

"Maybe..." Ash murmured to Ka'hi's suggestion.  This was hardly the first time she'd heard something like it; almost every Na'vi at the compound, and even Rick and Brenda, had been urging her to slow down, take a deep breath and live, not just work or merely exist.  And they hadn't been speaking from seats of lofty wisdom, she now realised--for, what with one crisis and another and already having so many needy ones among them, how much time had they had to maintain their own bonds, their own connectedness?  Surely much of their occasional snappishness must have been due to the situation catching up with them, and her own little breakdowns couldn't have helped; her little breakdowns, the ones that had messed things up for her with those Na'vi, because surely she hadn't been herself when she'd said and done the things that had put such a strain on those relationships...or had she?

"Look..." she began.  "It's not just me, okay?  I'd like to take time for anything besides the mission.  But who's had the time?  Eywa?  The world?  I take a day off and we wake up with ice on the ground.  Fine, tell me it's a coincidence, tell me no one can control the weather--but we had a nice day the day after Rick and I stole the crystals.  What I do or don't do affects things.  So I have to *do*...don't you see it?

"And...there's something else.  The shard in my arm...I know Tiye got it out, but it's still messing with my mind.  Hasn't worked its way out of my system, 'Iheyu said.  And I think it was her or Tangek or maybe Brenda who said the shard can't have given me a whole new personality, that Vrrtep merely feeds off of what's already there."  Her eyes flashed red for a moment, and her voice began to rise:  "Meaning I was already unfit, a bad person; petty, controlling, set in my ways, and bound and determined to save the world all by myself!  And you people put this on me??  Or allowed me to take it on??  Why didn't someone stop me from biting off more than I could chew??  Why did--"

"Ash."  Ali'ite's voice was quiet but firm.  "If I understand, the day you returned after bringing Na'vie the crystals was also the day of Enya's dreamwalk.  Is it possible--even likely--that Enya's visit to the Heart had as much to do with the improvement in the weather as you did?  Will you consider this?  Because if it's true, then the whole business is not up to you and you are not the only person who can affect things.  That said, and if it's been wearing you so thin and robbing you of a well-rounded life, why not let someone else take a turn at it?"

But the Dreamwalker's tone was still confrontational, still tense.  "If you people could have fixed this by yourselves, then why haven't you?  This is what I came to say: That maybe I'm not enough, but maybe you're not enough either!  Everyone keeps telling me that you've faced this situation before; well, what did you do about it then?  Surely you didn't hand it off to a Sky Person; we didn't exist here then!  So whatever you did, what's keeping you from doing it now?  Did you send me and Rick down a deep hole in the ground just to see what would happen??"

'Ohana's eyes narrowed.  "There you have it," she said to Maru acerbically.  "Both sides of the story, yes--one from each side of this stripling's mouth!"

Ash's eyes widened in horror.  "Oh, god..." she said, covering her face.  "That's not how I meant it to come out at all...  What's happening to me?"

[Kiyevanie]

"No, Ash, no!"  Ni'ka stared at her friend, her eyes showing protest and fear.  "Vrrtep doesn't just work with what's been there already - the Red can change someone that much."  She stared at her hands, her nails still thicker than a normal Na'vi's, even after Brenda's treatment--a permanent reminder of how deeply Vrrtep had changed her.  "The Red stains what it gets its twisted hands on.  There was no brainless killing beast inside of Tsanten or me...was there?"  She looked pleadingly at Ash, then at the Tsahiks, Ash's words having stirred some of her deepest fears.  "It just takes so much time to fight it off..."  She let her head hang down, wrapping her arms around herself.

In the meantime Ka'hi's eyes had narrowed too, but for a different reason.  "What's that?" she demanded, eyeing Ash intently, as if she wanted to stare inside the Dreamwalker's head.  "Did anyone see that besides me?" she asked the others.  "This flash of red in her eyes?"  Her ears flattened as she hissed.  "Is there still a trace of the demon inside of her?"

"What???"  Ni'ka's head shot up again and her ears perked up in alarm.  "It also shows when she's sharing with Sprout?" she asked the younger Tsahik.  "Rick had noticed this with Tawtute Ash's eyes too...and then she starts saying things.  It's part of why we are here," she finished very quietly.

[Random the Navigator]

"'Also' shows?" Maru inquired.

Ash, in tears now, was over her outburst and, not for the first time, found herself stuck dealing with the fallout.  "Yes, I..."  Then she paled.  "Wait a minute--Ni'ka, this body's doing it too??  Omigod..."

She reeled, feeling like she was about to pass out; but she steadied herself, turned shakily and made herself face the male Tsahik.

"Yes, the shard was in my Tawtute body, so that's the one which still feels the effects...I thought..."  She swallowed hard, then soldiered on.  "Look, I wasn't trying to keep this from you, honest.  But my other body, the one that had the shard, is infected.  No, not that kind of infected; not like the Changed ones...it doesn't work the same on humans.  But I had a just-plain-old untreated-wound infection; Tiye knows...  And the taint isn't all the way out of my body yet...and sometimes, when I'm feeling some strong emotion like anger or guilt, my eyes flash red and I...say things.  Things I don't mean...or sometimes things I do mean, but not in a vicious way."  Her brow creased.  "But that's in my human body.  So why...?"

And then an even sicker feeling washed over her: "Unless...unless it's like Brenda was afraid would happen to her, and Vrrtep's just been waiting to ambush me in this body, since he didn't have much luck with the other one?  Can that even happen?"  Her voice took on a panicked note: "Someone, please help me think about this!"

The Tsahiks' eyes met over her head again; in the nakedness of her fear, no less than in her plea for help, she was very much like Ni'ka when the Changed girl had come to Hometree.

[Kiyevanie]

Ka'hi's expression was a strange mix of fear, anger and even some sympathy for Ash's situation.  "The evil has been in the body of your Tawtute," she thought out loud.  "And now traces of it show in your Dreamwalker form too.  I trust in Tiye as a healer; if she got what poisoned your body out, then there are no physical traces left.  And still something shows, in your words and in your eyes.  So - what's connecting your Tawtute body and this one?  It's your spirit, isn't it?  Can it be some scar in your spirit?"

"The Red attacks both, body and spirit," Ni'ka confirmed quietly.  "And it takes time to get rid of it, and even then something stays, leaving marks."  She absentmindedly rubbed the black skin on her arm; even with the few precious tanhi there, it still would remind her for the rest of her life of what she'd been through.

"How can we tell that it's just a scar that needs more time to heal?"  Ka'hi was worried.  "And is there a way we could support that healing?  A ritual?  A chant?"

[Random the Navigator]

Ali'ite's eyes, following the motion as Ni'ka rubbed her arms, suddenly lit up.  "Why...you've got tanhi!" she exclaimed with a wide smile.  "And I already know that before you'd been here a week, you were able to Bond with your Ikran again. --You see, everyone?  This does heal.  How much, we won't know until someone's lived a lifetime with it.  But our love and support added to hope and the Changed one's strength of spirit can turn things around quite a ways.  Ni'ka is one of the People again in all the ways that count.  The Red has no further sway over her, and I haven't heard the All-mother complain; indeed, if those tanhi returned when I think they might have, this girl has been granted her share of the Blessing."

Several of the others didn't look so sure.  But 'Ohana, whose chief issue with Ash was that the Dreamwalker had not shared any hopeful news if she'd had it, perked up a little.  "Then your little group *did* experience the event?  It was so powerful, it's hard to imagine it not having been worldwide...  But except for Ali'ite, we're all a long way from home, so we won't know what took place in our own lands until we've returned to them.  So...what came to pass in your little settlement?"

Ash, her mind diverted from her personal crisis, was only too willing to reply.  "Well...Rick and I were right in the middle of it when it came down, settled over us like a blanket...or maybe washed over us like the sea...only it washed into us too, changing us inside, a good kind of change.  I think it was...  You know we Tawtute like to write things down, pass on messages in symbols, right?  And it's not always knowledge.  Sometimes we just want to know 'Hey, how are you, what are you up to?' and things like that--just checking in on a friend.  And if we're not close enough to do it in person, we'll write it on a bit of sturdy paper and send it along...  We call that a postcard.  Sometimes it'll be the first time in years that we've heard from the one who wrote it.  And what happened the other night was like Eywa sending us a postcard to let us know that She hadn't forgotten about us..."  Her eyes, so recently frantic, were now shining in remembered rapture, and it didn't occur to anyone to criticise her for rendering the thing into human terms.

"And then...?" Maru prompted, smiling.

"And then...well, it went differently for everyone, each according to his or her need, is my best guess," the Dreamwalker replied.  "Ni'ka got her tanhi back, which I know meant a lot to her.  Tsanten awoke in much better health the next morning--a healed fracture, four lively queue-strands and the attitude to match!  And Tangek had the fulfillment of being at his side when it happened.  See, it wasn't always obvious what each person's Blessing was.  Rick felt his body become more stable; he's sure it means he's all done Changing.  Brenda's Avatar was Changed earlier, but it never took full effect, and the Blessing even reversed the parts of it that hadn't 'set'.  And Enya...  Somehow the Blessing freed her from her dependence on her Sky Person.  It's kind of technical, but her body needed the link as badly as her soul did, and now it doesn't anymore, and she's getting around like someone who *isn't* waiting for instructions on how to proceed."

Ali'ite's brow-stripes arched upwards.  "Is that what it was?  'Iheyu was at a loss to explain why her 'ite refused to walk at first even after she'd mended enough to do so.  It wasn't stubbornness; anyone could tell she wanted to climb and play and wander...  But somehow she didn't seem to think she was supposed to, or maybe that she wasn't allowed to.  So her body needed the guidance of the Other...well, that's like a normal Dreamwalker, at least.  The poor thing must have felt like she was all alone and starting from scratch here...  Good to know that the situation is within Eywa's power to heal."

"And what about this Brenda?" asked 'Ohana.  "You were going to fill us in about her anyway..."

Ash thought for a moment.  "Well...that's what I mean about it wasn't always an obvious thing," she replied.  "I don't know how the Blessing helped Brenda.  Maybe she wasn't broken to begin with, so the All-mother didn't See anything to fix...  She was at her outpost at the time, working on sending a message across the stars to our homeworld to tell the good people, the ones who love this world, what is happening here.  And she said the message went out faster and stronger than she could have possibly imagined...  So maybe that was her Gift.  Or maybe it's something else that we don't know about until she shares it, or even something that hasn't happened yet..."

At this, her voice faltered, and her fleeting expression was a mixture of fading hope and keen regret.

[Kiyevanie]

"Yes, the tanhi came with the Blessing," Ni'ka confirmed, her own face mirroring the awe and happiness she had felt that day.  "I might not have forgiven myself for what I might have done while the Red had a hold on me, but somehow something of the Great Mother's spirit Saw me."  She smiled, a tentative, slightly shaky smile.  "When She touched me, I was scared at first, but then...it's so hard to describe what I felt, don't know if there are even words for it, but Her touching me was the complete opposite of what the Red did.  Warmth and love and healing where the Red can only give destruction and hate."  She shook her head, still kind of stunned, then her smile widened.  "And She gave Kenten back his laugh and spirit.  I saw him laughing like he hadn't done for days before."

She paused.  "About Brenda - she isn't one to share much of her personal feelings if they aren't about Enya; and what the Blessing gave to us was one of the most personal things I can imagine.  Maybe she just isn't ready to share yet?"

Ka'hi nodded in thought.  "I don't know this Brenda, but if hers has been one of the Blessings of the spirit, she might just need more time to talk about it - or to never talk about it again.  Some of this happened here at Hometree too, didn't it?"  She eyed Ash, more softly now, noticing the expression on her face.  "And how about you, child?"

[Random the Navigator]

Ash bit her lip and had to stop herself from looking down.  "I...I think I got passed over...or maybe just overlooked..." she said sadly.  "I know that ought to be impossible, but...the red eyes, the outburst, that was all the day after She visited us...  Enya doesn't understand either; she was asking why 'Mother-god' didn't pet me too..."  She sniffled, attempting a brave smile.  "Kids say the darnedest things, don't they?" she quipped, at first just shaking her head bemusedly; but then her shoulders began to hitch in incipient sobs, and she murmured "That's why I came..."

And then it all caught up with her, the weeks-to-years and all the ways she had ever felt herself inadequate, overwhelmed, unworthy; from leukemia to entering the Avatar program under false pretenses to her cousin's death, the misuse of her research, and all the hurt she and Pandora had been subjected to since; the exhaustion, the seeming futility, her constant busyness which had been nothing more than an attempt to keep her fear of failure at bay...

She abandoned all pretense of self-discipline and released her long-suppressed tears, spilling from red-gold eyes.

[Kiyevanie]

Ni'ka didn't even need to think before pulling her friend into a gentle comforting hug - never before she had seen Ash so down and desperate.

Ka'hi shared looks with the other Tsahiks.  No matter what Ash had said or done before and how much she had a talent for rubbing people the wrong way, in this moment she was a spirit in need of help.  The Tsahik with the yellow shawl started humming a song - not a spiritual chant for a change, but an old song that mothers used to calm down a lost and sad child.

[Random the Navigator]

Though neither Ash nor the Tsahiks knew it, the song was the same one 'Iheyu had crooned to Enya the day the stranded Avatar had realised that her driver was not coming back for her; indeed, that she would never feel the touch of Solanda Pedregal's mind again.  Ni'ka had been there for that, and just as she was now with Ash, she had been the first to try to comfort Enya over her loss.  For that matter, Enya had felt as guilt-ridden then as Ash did now; that it must have been her fault that her Soul-friend had abandoned her; that she must have failed her somehow...

Words alone had not been enough to curb her tears, and they could not have curbed Ash's.  But this song of unity, of common cause, a song that drew her in, that likened her and everyone around her to leaves of the Great Tree, each one equally necessary to draw in the life-giving light of the now-shrouded Suns, surrounded Ash as the other Tsahiks joined in and reinforced the message with their touches as they gathered around her in a circle-prayer.  It was the first time she hadn't felt like the outsider, the intruder, the alien who had no place here, no place among the People.  And she realised that she could have had this a long time ago; that 'Iheyu especially had been begging her to accept her little mini-Clan's love, inclusiveness and support, their offer of membership.  What else had she denied herself all this time by insisting on going it alone?

She recalled a song of Earth, one that had been popular in the second half of the century before last.  "I am a rock; I am an island" had been its proud and resolute chorus, and only now did she remember the half-beseeching, half-resigned last verse: "And a rock feels no pain.  And an island never cries."  She was crying harder than she ever had in her entire adult life.  Therefore, she mustn't be a rock or an island; she must be part of something larger and stronger than either, and as it had no other name, why wouldn't it be the strength and potential for rootedness that flowed into her Being in this very circle?

Such a change in her frame of reference could not happen all in a moment, not even such a powerful moment as this one.  But at least it gave her somewhere to begin.

-:-

At length she was able to raise her head, feeling washed-out and a little dizzy and finding herself still in Ali'ite's strong arms after the others gently withdrew.  The Tompa'tanhi Tsahik adjusted her own position so that she sat with one hand on Ash's shoulder, the rest of her arm bracing the Dreamwalker's back.  She made sure her charge was a bit more settled before picking up the discussion again.  "So...why have you come?" she asked gently.  "I think you were going to tell us, but it didn't come out quite right; would you like to start over?"

"Yes, Tsahik...yes, I would," Ash said quietly.  "Just tell me...what color are my eyes?"

"Red-gold, fading to gold," the Tsahik replied.  "They're not the blood-red they were when you ranted at us; I think you're right about the change being tied to strong feelings, but distress is a different thing from rage.  That's a rather pretty color, actually..."  She smiled encouragingly.

[Kiyevanie]

Ni'ka had recognized the song Ka'hi had started to hum, and - remembering well how it had helped her sister back then - hummed along, joining the others in the choir, trying to be a comfort, a shoulder to cry on for Ash now the same way Ash had been there for her when Ni'ka had been nothing but a lost child herself.

And, in some way, singing and praying with the Tsahiks helped Ni'ka's troubled spirit too - like Ash, she felt included in the community, accepted, giving comfort as much as receiving it.

Her arms had been wrapped around her friend's shoulders the whole time, and she felt the moment when the tension finally left Ash's body and Ali'ite took over.  She very gently let go and sat back on her heels.  Hope rose in her; as much as it had hurt to see Ash in such pain, maybe this had been the crisis that was needed to 'clear the air' and make everyone open and new again.  Not that she would have put it in these words; but she just felt that something in the atmosphere had changed, and in the right direction.