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[Random the Navigator]

It was at this point that Ash's newfound resolve to try to see things from the People's perspective was put to a very difficult test.  On the one hand, she was, of course, happy for Ni'ka, happy for the struggling Clan.  But she hadn't been raised in a Na'vi Clan; she couldn't fathom the unity its members felt with each other, their ancestors, their history and prehistory.  Their traditions ran back, some said, almost eighty thousand years; mankind had only been living in large communities for a little over ten thousand.  Already the society of Man was coming undone, breaking up more every decade.  To her, the breakup of the Tompa'tanhi was a sad but natural outgrowth of the crisis that threatened to engulf them.

But here was their former Olo'eyktan not only accepting their departure from their home of a thousand years but endorsing it; indeed, saying things that sounded an awful lot like "This is the Future."  Wasn't that supposed to be a human sentiment?  Didn't he care?

And here was Ni'ka, the Changed one who she still saw as almost a daughter, ready on the instant to leave the station; to leave Ash, her guidance, support and protection, and take Enya's family and the hunters with her.  Were things that bad for them at the station?  Brenda seemed to think so, and she had made a good point about the unnaturalness of their situation.  And several of the others had stated that if Ni'ka were to really find herself again, and if Enya were to fully transition into her new life as a Na'vi, they needed to live with other Na'vi, with the Clan.

On the face of it, both notions made sense.  But inside herself, Ash rebelled.  Na'vi lived in Hometrees, in any terrain that had them...didn't they?  Their attachment to their age-old homes was legendary; was this something that could be dissolved so easily?  The Clan was fragmenting, for pity's sake, dispersing to who-knows-where; how could anyone think this was a good thing, a thing that would make them stronger?

The narrative she'd composed for them in her head had to end in either victory or tragedy, their culture's preservation exactly as-is or its destruction.  There was no chapter in it for societal revolution, for large-scale change.

So Ni'ka was going; there'd been no hesitation in her response at all.  Enya's family wouldn't be far behind, especially if Tangek had anything to do with it.  Kenten's heart had never left the pongu; of course he would rejoin them as well.  All her charges, all the people she'd been fighting for and trying to protect, were just going to...abandon her?  After all she'd done?

She fought hard to suppress her gut reaction, which was that the situation wasn't fair.  If her friends relocated to the settlement--and she couldn't think of a single reason why they wouldn't--there'd be no one left at the compound but her and Rick and maybe human Brenda, who didn't really count in her mind because surely she would almost always be linked in to be with Enya...right?

She sighed.  Ni'ka was an adult and could come and go as she pleased.  Brenda had wanted to be gone before she'd even *come*.  'Iheyu's foremost obligation was to her family, which had been hurt several times by things Ash had said or done.  Scratch all of them...  But what about Tsanten, what about the healers who attended him?  Was Tangek going to pack him in a patient pod and clear him out too?

Suddenly it seemed that it wasn't just Hometree being evacuated.  Sooner or later--probably sooner--the same thing would happen to the shack complex.

And then Ashleigh Davis, anthropologist, Avatar driver, would have no one to talk to except her own kind.

 - -

Ra'nah had not failed to note the awkward silence that had fallen over the Dreamwalker woman or the sigh that finally escaped her.  "Does something trouble you, child...?" he asked gently.

Ash gave him a puzzled look.  "It does, but...I'm not sure what it is, and I need some time to sort it out."

"What do you know about it already?" he prompted.  "Perhaps if you cast a net of words over it, you might snare a few fish."

Ash blushed, then averted her gaze.  "It's nothing I'm proud of...  I'm happy for you, 'k?  For all of you, for Ni'ka, for Enya's family...  But all I can think of right this moment is that it's gonna be lonely at the station."  She uttered a nervous little laugh.  "I feel left out...  Isn't that selfish of me?  It's gonna be like Hometree, everybody going away..."

"...And you have no Clan to carry in your heart," Ra'nah guessed.

Ash nodded, biting her lip and trying not to think of the mists that were gathering in her eyes.  "And I've been a bit of a nuisance; I don't think any of them is going to particularly want to carry me in theirs," she finished unhappily.

[Kiyevanie]

Ni'ka's eyes widened at Ash's words, realizing how everything must have sounded to her friend.  It didn't take much to realize that Ash imagined a camp that was empty of all of them--without 'Iheyu and Tangek, without Tsanten and Silronsem, without Tali and...without Enya; and she could easily see how that might wear Ash down.

She turned to her friend and wrapped her arms around her, giving her a tight hug, ears drooping a bit.  "No..." she said, "No, no...we won't go just like that and leave you alone!  Of course you are a part of the Clan!  You're my friend, the first one who ever taught me what that word meant when I was lost; do you really think I'd leave you and Rick alone?"

She shook her head so energetically that braids and beads were flying around.  "No, there's no 'joining forces' without you or Rick or Brenda.  And if someone wants to say something against it...they better shouldn't!"

[Random the Navigator]

Ash didn't answer this directly.  Instead, she wrestled with another ugly surprise that surfaced from within her depths--fpi Eywa, how many *were* there??  Having not anticipated it, she had no defenses raised against it, so the words came tumbling out of her mouth almost before she knew she'd formed them:

"You know, I think I'm jealous of Enya?  Everybody loves her, everyone excuses whatever she says or does; everything about her is *cute*.  I'm not cute.  I'm stubborn, opinionated, obnoxious, demanding...everybody says so except Rick, and *Rick* wouldn't tell me if I crapped my own shorts!  So I go to the Heart of Eywa once, twice and hopefully again, and nothing changes except for the time it got worse.  Enya goes down there, not even in her body, not carrying any toxic artifacts, and comes back with the Suns in her pockets!  Why?  Why do I get a cold lake and she gets a warm one?  How come she gets to dream herself over while Rick and I have to go spelunking?  And how can she do more for the world in a couple of hours than I have since the crisis began?  I don't need this..."  Her eyes were flashing red now: "...And it damn sure doesn't need me!!"

Ra'nah blinked.  The healers blinked.  And before Ash quite registered what was happening, Havi hauled her to her feet and yanked her around by the queue to face the way out.

But Ra'nah put up a hand.  "Hold," he commanded as forcefully as he was still able.  "Sit the child down again; I won't have you roughing up the guests."  Then, that having been done by a confused Havi, he addressed the Dreamwalker.  "Ash...I must apologise, though no apology can be enough.  You have danced too close to the Red, and you suffer for it--outside; inside; in both your bodies, I see, and in the hurt you've always carried in your soul.  Vrrtep is like any other predator; it goes for the weakest first--the sick, the young, the injured; the peaceable; the honorable; the innocent.  It says much about the nature of the demon that it considers such characteristics to be weaknesses.  Who in our community has it hit hardest? --Two Dreamwalkers; the warrior who cares for them; a Lorekeeper; and a young girl at play.  The others might or might not have been exposed if we'd never met them.  But you, Ash...to you I owe a most profound apology, because it was by my own decision that you were endangered."

Ash's mouth fell open; the crimson in her eyes faded to amber.  "Ra'nah...this can't be your fault; the shard was in my body long before we met..."

But the old Olo'eyktan wasn't having any of it.  "And when you should have been resting, healing in the care of your mate, we sent him on a dangerous quest instead, one that called for him to retrieve the very heart of the evil itself.  And you, brave girl, went with him so he would not face the thing alone.  This was never your task, Ash.  But by sending Rick, I put you in a position where you could not have done anything else but face the danger by his side.  And I swore you, all of you, to an oath, and I let you think it was a bigger thing than it was.  I swore you not to reveal any of this to the Sky People.  You were not sworn to keep it from other Na'vi of the Clan, whose children hear about the 'pretty place' in bedtime stories, though they are not told what it really is.  This secret has caused dissension in your camp, I'm sure.  I've placed 'Iheyu, who should not have been at our meeting in the first place, in a particularly nasty position; she's had to keep the thing from her children *and* from her potential mate.  I believe Na'vie sending Enya home with our secret was the All-mother's way of showing me how wrong I was in that approach...  And as we've all seen, neither the world nor the Clan has exactly prospered since."

Ash couldn't believe what she was hearing: the Clan leader himself was taking the blame.  But as she and Ni'ka had discussed before...wasn't that what an Olo'eyktan was for?

[Kiyevanie]

To say that Ni'ka was going through a bath of mixed emotions would have been an understatement.  At first hearing Ash say all those words about Enya, about being jealous, made the huntress almost freeze in place.  This wasn't the Ash she knew, the one who loved the awakened Avatar almost like herself.  How could Ash say something like that?  Ni'ka felt a short flash of anger go through her and she was about to say something; but then Ash's eyes flashed red, and instead of protesting, Ni'ka's instincts kicked in.  She jumped up - that being followed by an awful moment of being torn between two impulses.  One part of her wanted to drag Havi away from her friend, the other part wanted to restrain Ash herself until the spell was over.

Then Ra'nah calmed the situation down, calling Havi to order and radiating his natural authority, showing for just a moment why he had been Olo'eyktan all that time.  A little part in the back of Ni'ka's mind wondered if their visit was a good or bad thing, bringing out energies in Ra'nah like that.  Was it encouraging, challenging him, or would it bereave him of his last resources?  She hoped it would not be the latter.

And then the former Olo'eyktan started his apologies to Ash.  At first Ni'ka wanted to protest again - how could anything have been Ra'nah's fault?  He hadn't put the crystal shard in Ash's arm, he hadn't stolen Vrrtep's heart, he hadn't...  But after a moment Ni'ka realized that there was truth in Ra'nah's words.  He had sent Rick out to discover the Heart and talk to Na'vie; he and the Tsahik had encouraged Ash to go along--and as Tawtute, not with her Dreamwalker, who would have been much stronger and better prepared; Ra'nah and Ali'ite had asked the Oath of them all...  Back then, Ni'ka herself had not been how she was now; she had been just a frightened child who still had problems forming her thoughts into words...but she remembered very well how uncomfortable 'Iheyu had been.

True, Ra'nah hadn't done anything, but he had been responsible for a lot of things that had gotten screwed up.  And now he did what any good leader did - he took his responsibility, freeing Ash of it.  And at least they wouldn't have to worry about that oath anymore.

Still, there was another thing that caught Ni'ka's attention.  Sitting down again too, she said: "Ra'nah, what you said about the Red being a predator, going for the weakest of us...  You know what Tiye said a while ago?  'The Red has reached for four of us now, and four have slipped from its grasp--Rick, Ni'ka, Tsanten, and Ash.  All four are marked, probably for life.  But all four of you are free.  It hasn't got much of a grip, has it?  That gives me hope for the world...'"  And Ra'nah showing the leader he had been, that gave Ni'ka hope too.

[Random the Navigator]

"And Brenda makes five," Ash said a little shakily, diverting her thoughts from the possible deeper significance of the former Clan leader's words.  "I didn't get to share this with you or with the Tsahiks last time I was here, but Brenda's Dreamwalker was attacked and Changed too.  But her human side fought off the worst of it, as with Rick, and apparently even Vrrtep isn't sensitive enough to See her soul.  And Brenda never left her, as far as I can recall, just like I never left Rick when he was Changing, and he never left me when I started getting worse.  And Kenten stayed with me in my worst hours; and 'Iheyu's baffled that I haven't let her take me in; and Enya's forgiven me; and Ni'ka's been by my side from the first..."

Ra'nah, tiring by now, favored her with a faltering smile; that demonstration and that admission had taken a lot out of him, she could tell.  "Then you do have a Clan to carry you and carry with you," he said.  "And no mere distance is going to change that.  We have a saying: 'You can choose your friends, but you're stuck with your family!'  Make of that what you will; but Tiye's words and your account have given me much hope too.  Go, then; be relieved of your burden; allow yourself to be a child again; take time to heal."

Ash, unsure what that meant, gave Ni'ka a puzzled look.  Was she being excused from the mission?  What about Rick, and what about her proposed trip with the Tsahiks?  But the old Olo'eyktan's energy was dissipating right before her eyes, and she didn't want to burden him with more questions.

[Kiyevanie]

Ni'ka was pretty sure that they'd all need time to get their thoughts sorted out.  But for now she could see that whatever energy was left in Ra'nah was fading - he needed rest now.  So she peeked over to Ash, making a short, almost invisible motion with her head.  "I think it's time for us to go now," she said quietly, with another short smile to Havi, "before the healers really drag us out."

She leaned in, taking the old Olo'eyktan's hands in hers, knowing that it was safe to do so now, and bowing her head in deep respect and affection.  "Thank you for your time, Ra'nah, and for your words.  I think we all have shared hope today."

Then she gracefully got up, waiting for Ash to join her.

[Random the Navigator]

Ash, too, glanced at the healers, her ears lowered meekly and with a sheepish little smile.  "I've got this...I can make it to the door," she quipped before turning back to Ra'nah.  "Irayo, ma'karyu.  I call you 'teacher' and will call your mate the same because I have learned two things that have lightened my spirit.  From you I have testimony that this isn't all my fault.  And from Ali'ite, speaking about Enya, I have proof that I am not the only one who can change things.  You've given me much to think about...but those two things speak clearly, even through the fog I've put in my own mind.  I thank you profoundly."

They exchanged head-bows, embraces, hand-clasps; then she arose a little stiffly and joined Ni'ka on her way out of the chamber.

Behind them, Ra'nah beckoned the healers to him, all but wilting in their arms as they aided him to his sleeping-mat.  Then Havi and Eyaye regarded each other with long, questioning glances at having heard so much more than they were supposed to.  Fairy-tales, indeed...ones come terribly to life, and the fate of the world hinging on their outcome.

  -:-  -:-  -:-
 

[Kiyevanie]

Once outside, Ni'ka stretched and took a deep breath, thoughts swirling in her head.  A part of her still wondered about Ash and Enya, if this sentiment had really come from Ash's spirit or if it had still been the aftereffects of the Red - but then she decided that this could wait for another time; Ash had enough on her leaf-platter for now.  Ni'ka was pretty sure that Ash's head was spinning as much as her own.

She let out the breath again.  "All of that will keep me thinking for a good while," she admitted, then smiled a bit.  "It will give my head something to do during my guard shifts."  Her ears swiveled around.  "Are you still up to having a look at the Changed Sky warrior?"

Of course she thought that it would be good to check in on the man, but she didn't want to put any more burdens on Ash's shoulder - Ni'ka had seen how close her friend was to cracking.

[Random the Navigator]

The pair had descended the Spiral quite a bit further before Ash pulled over into an empty crafter's nook and tried to answer that question...and by her response, it was evident that it had taken her natural pessimism very little time to reassert itself.

"Ni'ka," she began, "do you have any idea how thoroughly that little chat just upended my world?  I mean, between Ra'nah and the Tsahiks, every single thing I believed about the mission has been turned on its ear.  My whole understanding...all the grief, all the anguish I've put myself through for the last month and a half...totally mistaken; and I feel like it was totally unnecessary and totally useless, too.  The bit about saving the world by myself, about making it up to the Na'vi for what the RDA did with my homework? --Can't be done, not by any one person, and the people who assigned it to me now deeply regret it.  So they've fired me.  Well, that's one chore I can cross off my to-do list...

"Here's another one: We were not sworn to keep the secret of the Heart from other Na'vi, and now I guess we're perfectly free to share it even with Dreamwalkers, who of course are part-time humans.  All the head-scratching about who was supposed to know what and from whom...?  Wasted, because the oath was never as broad as I thought, and I wish I'd thought of that before everybody at camp came to hate me for what I've done in its name.  Terrific...

"Or this one: The cave didn't have to be scary, the lake didn't have to be cold, except to the extent my attitude colored my experience there.  Remember Enya told us it felt like she was moving inside her feelings?  I went there guilt-ridden, driven and, oh yeah, claustrophobic, so of course I found it menacing.  Enya went there in the simplicity of a child's need and found it warm and welcoming.  But of course!"  She tossed up her hands and rolled her eyes at herself.

"Or how about this one: The Clan can't exist without Hometree.  Or this one: Red eyes mean you still belong to Vrrtep.  Or this one: If you switch from an infected body to a non-infected one, you're safe.  Or: Kids do the learning; grownups do the teaching.  Or: You have to physically go to the Heart to do Eywa any good.  Or, umm, things work out best when people decide things for themselves...  Or, worst of all: If you take a direct hit from the Pandoran Overmind, everything the matter with you is gonna instantly go away."  She threw out one arm again and gestured around the room.  "Do you see a trend here?  Almost everything I ever thought about this is wrong!

"Oh, one more thing," she added in tones of disgust.  "No matter how humbly I've approached things today, Na'vi wisdom keeps finding ways to humble me worse.  This situation doesn't want me, doesn't need me, and has lasted as long as it has mostly because it's been waiting on me to quit bumbling around.  I don't mind learning on the job, 'k?  But this world just doesn't have that kind of time...or am I wrong about that, too?"

There was a pause, ending when she blew out a heavy sigh.  "C'mon, let's go tell the people downstairs how Ra'nah's doing...  Then we can look in on Andy--that's one thing I can't possibly mess up...  And then let's check with the Tsahiks; and if they don't need me either, I'm doing what Ra'nah said and going home.  Nothing challenging to deal with there except Tangek..."

[Kiyevanie]

Ni'ka bit her lip at Ash's words.  She herself was still trying to wrap her mind around everything that had been said, but she got the feeling that her friend had put some of those words in a different way than they were meant - and some of them she didn't even understand.  What, fpi Eywa, did 'claustrophobic' mean at all???

"I...I don't think they have 'fired' you," she finally started, hesitating.  "We all just see that you are tired and exhausted, and even the best hunters will lose their prey if they're too tired to read the tracks.  So I think it's more about having a break...everyone needs that now and then.  I'm sure even the heroes from the old songs and stories needed some downtime.  So, if Ra'nah or the Tsahik regret putting a load on you, that's only because it's such a heavy one and they didn't think about if you'd be able to carry it.  And still you did, until now."  One of her ears flinched.  "And about things you've been wrong about - we kind of all were, in some way or another."

Now she shook her head more energetically.  "No - I don't think all of what we thought was wrong, it's just about looking differently at it."  She sighed and made a slightly sheepish face.  "It all gives me a headache, thinking of it," she admitted.  "Yes, let's go downstairs, tell everyone about how Ra'nah's doing and check in on Andy."  A quick grin crossed her face.  "That's probably the one thing where I might mess up..."

[Random the Navigator]

"'Looking differently'...yeah," Ash said tiredly.  "I'm not exactly what you'd call 'flexible' upstairs, so sometimes being shown something from a different angle feels like having my neck dislocated...  Oww."  She rubbed the base of her skull where Havi had grabbed her queue.  "This whole morning has felt like somebody holding me by the scruff of the neck and shoving my nose in the mess I've made...  Or maybe I'm just pouting because they won't let me play martyr anymore?" she teased herself with a weak little smile.

[Kiyevanie]

Ni'ka chuckled at the picture of someone grabbing Ash that way and stubbing her nose into something; then she winced in sympathy.  "That must have hurt," she said, referring to Havi dragging Ash by her queue, and she unconsciously rubbed the base of her own.  "And about any flexibility 'upstairs'..."  She knocked against her skull.  "To be honest, I'm only too glad that things are working again in there at all, so I just don't worry about if it's flexible or not."

They were climbing down now, just to run into the same warrior they had talked to before going up.

"How is Ra'nah?" the man asked, worry shining in his eyes.  "Did you get to see him?"

Ni'ka nodded.  "Yes, we did, and I think he was glad to see us."  She smiled faintly.  "The healers care very well for him, and to me his mind still seemed awake and sharp, and his will seemed strong.  But...what hit him took away a lot of his physical strength."  Her voice showed the deep respect and affection she had for the old Olo'eyktan.  "It's sad to see him that way, and still I'm more than glad I got the chance to talk to him.  I owe him so much."

[Random the Navigator]

Ash nodded, then said "He's not in the healers' ward, if anyone asks.  He's up in his family's nooks, where it's private and comforting and he can just be himself.  He's been sitting up, chatting, feeding himself...  I don't think he'd be embarrassed anymore if people looked in on him, though of course you'd have to check with Havi about when.  Still has his sense of humor, too.  He just needs someone to steady him once in a while...but don't we all?  And, if anything, he seems wiser for the experience."  She smiled.

The sentry, much relieved, put on a comical disappointed look.  "Aww, does that mean we don't get to see your little Dreamwalker after all?"

"No, she'll come," Ash assured him.  "Her mama knows she misses this place...and she's getting pretty good on that Pa'li."

The warrior chuckled at that, then waved them on.

"Next stop Andy?" asked Ash, lofting a brow.  "I'm getting pretty good at acting confident around people I don't know very well; better see him while I'm still on a roll..."

[Kiyevanie]

"Next stop Andy," Ni'ka confirmed, and the two girls made their way over to the healer's area.

It wasn't hard to find where the former SecOps man was being tended to.  The healers had found a little nook a bit away from the most busy area, as much for the People's protection as for Andy's; human warriors - apart from Rick - weren't exactly popular at Hometree.

The man looked a bit different from when Ni'ka had last seen him.  Back then he'd been dirty and sweaty, a bloodstained bandage around his belly and his skin pale beneath the blue-gray of a Changed human.  Now the healers had peeled him out of clothes that had been ripped and dirty enough to almost walk into the fire on their own; they had given him a sponge bath to get rid of grime and dirt.  He was lying on a sleeping mat wrapped in a light blanket, and what could been seen from his upper body was bare, but clean, with a much more healthy shine to his skin than before.

Andy had been dozing, but he opened his eyes when he heard someone come nearer.  A wry smile appeared on his face when he noticed a slightly familiar-looking Avatar and the dark Na'vi who had been visiting in the field hospital.  "Hey," he greeted, his voice still sounding croaked and hoarse.

[Random the Navigator]

Ash cocked her head, wondering if the mercenary knew who she was.  Every time he'd seen her before, she'd been human...  Maybe it was a good thing she was in her Avatar now, she thought, because if her memory served her, she'd been pretty pushy with him all three times.  But surely it had been justified?  Two Changed military men, neither of whose allegiances could be guessed, and one of whom had turned out to be treacherous; she could well be excused for having pressed the other man hard for some sign of his intentions.

Still...now that she was aware how little she'd tried to see things from any perspective but her own, she had to shake her head at herself.  How could she have expected someone in the stress of mid-Change to think clearly about anything at all?  At the time, no court on Earth would have ruled Andy competent to handle his own affairs.  Anything he or Reese had said that day would have been inadmissible testimony for having been obtained under duress--or what else could it be called when the main thing that had kept either of them talking was a black native with a poison thorn under her claw?  So when she'd tried to recruit them, all they'd said was what it would have taken to get out of the conversation alive.  Of what worth was a promise given under those conditions?  And even most recently, when she'd attended Andy in this very ward the day of her surgery, the most she'd gotten from him was a promise to keep his head low and not tick anybody off.  Still frightened, still just trying to survive...and a far cry from willingly joining the rebels and the war effort.

"Hi, Andy," she finally said, kneeling next to his pallet so as not to tower over him quite so much.  "This is Ash from the dispensary, remember? --Yes, I'm a driver; this is my other face...some might even say my better half."  She smirked, then returned to making small talk.  "So how are you doing now?  I'm sorry I was so in-your-face before; neither of us was really at our best..."

[Kiyevanie]

At Ash's words recognition dawned on Andy's face.  "Hell, yeah... I think I remember."  He made a face.  "To be honest, I can't remember much from when you and...her?"  He sent a questioning look over to Ni'ka: "...were coming to that shack you put us in.  The way I was still burning inside, half of you could have been hallucinations," he admitted.  "Dunno about you, but me, I was definitely not at my best back then - gee, I'm still getting nightmares about that monster...is it still out there?  Oh, and yeah, I know you're a driver; your stunt of smuggling your Avatar out of Hell's Gate and stealing that Samson made the way through the barracks in no time."  A short grin appeared.  "Seriously, you were called enemies and traitors, and your guards got dragged through hell for letting you slip out - but kick me, that one took guts!"

Carefully he managed to slip up the wall and lean against it, the blanket slipping down a bit to show a scarred chest and a fresh leaf-bandage.  "Feeling a good part better now."  He gave Ni'ka a very cautious look.  If she was here, that probably meant that she somehow belonged to the Clan and wasn't that monster's little sister, so he decided to treat her like he treated the healers.  "Whatever your people use as medicine, it works!"

Ni'ka sat down too, eyeing the Changed Tawtute as cautiously as he eyed her.  Yes, he looked healthier now and not quite as hostile and suspicious as he had been before, but she still didn't completely trust him yet.  She gave the man a small smile all the same.  "I'm glad to hear you're better now," she said.

[Random the Navigator]

"This is Ni'ka," Ash filled in.  "She's been with us almost as long as there have been dark Na'vi at all.  She and we were fortunate; we found each other before she was beyond saving...  Since then there's been another one who's come back to himself too.  This can happen.  If you see one with silver eyes, you don't have anything to fear besides the ordinary reactions you'd get from any other Na'vi.  And just this morning Ni'ka and I were smiling about that; she said 'the Red' mustn't have much of a grip, if everyone in our circle has shaken it off...Rick, Ni'ka, Tsanten--that's the second one; 90% dead when we found him, but free."  She opted not to mention her own human body's infection, and had the survival sense to not mention Brenda at all.  "We're finding out a lot about this as time goes on: Na'vi can recover; Avatars don't get it *as* bad, they don't frenzy when you link in; and for humans it can be an outright improvement."  She gave the mercenary a wink and a grin.

[Kiyevanie]

Andy grinned back a bit crookedly and critically eyed his blue-grayish skin with the occasional white glowing spot.  "Uh," he said, "I wouldn't go as far as calling it an improvement - although living without an exopack sure has its perks.  Guess I'd be dead without that...how do you call it?  'Change'?  From that point of view - bein' blue-gray beats bein' dead by far!"

"Yes, we call it the Change," Ni'ka said softly.  "And I guess we can add you to the list of people who escaped the Red too."

Now Andy looked at her again, his eyes narrowing slightly as he took in the dark huntress' appearance.  "Told ya, my mind was foggy as a London night when you two showed up - but somehow you look different than last time."  Then he realized who he had spoken to and what he had said and flinched.  "Ooops - sorry, hope that wasn't some kind of forbidden ground I stepped on.  Guess I'm talking too much here.  Those healers do an awesome job, but they ain't the chatty kind."

Ni'ka couldn't help but chuckle at Andy's suddenly chagrined expression.  "No," she said, "no forbidden ground here.  I've been healing a lot more since you saw me.  The thorn is gone now and some of my tanhi are back!"  For a moment she forgot who she was talking to, and her face showed the utter happiness she felt about both things.

That wasn't lost even on Andy and he nodded; he didn't exactly realize the meaning of it, only that it was another step for the Changed Na'vi on a way he still had to go.

[Random the Navigator]

"Just as well they're not the chatty type," Ash commented.  "I'm finding out the hard way that the less I say, the less likely I am to get in trouble...and I'm an ally.  You can't stick your foot in your mouth if you don't open your mouth.  Looks like you've been laying low enough for their tastes...

"Relevant to your situation, though, probably the best example to go by is Rick.  The Change did some interesting things to his genetics.  We won't know the whole story until we try to have kids...  But he thinks his body, after being injected with corrupted Na'vi DNA, has finally stabilised and learned to live with the new blend.  If your case works out like his has, you might find yourself a little taller; somewhat stronger; more agile and with more endurance...  We're still figuring him out, what his body's like now, but other than the biolume dots that give away his every emotion, he's not complaining.  Well, except that he's outgrowing his uniform; he complains all the time about that..."  She smirked.

[Kiyevanie]

"And about those boot-thingies for his feet," Ni'ka added with a slight chuckle.

Andy sighed.  "At the moment I'd kill even for outgrown uniforms."  He pointed towards his blanket.  "They've taken away what was left of my clothes and put me into one of those loincloth-things.  I'll be screwed if I ever get out of this blanket!"  And the hard-bitten mercenary actually blushed.

Now Ni'ka's chuckle turned into a wide grin - it seemed this Tawtute warrior had at least one thing in common with her little sister: the deep dislike for the Na'vi style of dressing.  "I'm sure someone will find a solution," she said, her eyes sparkling in merriment.

But the next moment saw her more serious than she had been throughout the whole discussion.  She slightly tilted her head.  "So you are feeling better, we all can see this.  And you are thinking about leaving the healers' area one day."  Her eyes went intense.  "I know that back when Ash first asked you, your mind was probably clouded with the Red's venom - but now it seems clear.  Did you make a decision yet?"

The mercenary laid back against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment, his face tired now.  "Yes," he said after a while.  "Yes...guess so.  Ya know, laying around on this pallet with nothing to do and nobody to talk to, a guy starts thinking."  He rubbed his temple.  "See, I'm not like you, Ash, or your boyfriend there...  I came here for the money, nothing else.  The plan was easy - they hire me and my gun, they pay well, and when I get back home after 18 years I'll have some serious money in my pocket, and the mess I've left behind is gone as well...  Operation Fresh Start or something.  So, I'm not as much of an idealist as the two of you and whoever might help you from the inside."

He paused, then shook his head.  "But still, there are a few facts there..."  He started counting on his fingers.  "First - re-opening the mine is one thing, there's a lot of money to be made there.  But unleashing that fucking thing in the sky?  That's a solid helping of madness, if you ask me...  Heck, I've seen that monster back at that base.  If this Vrrtep can produce monsters like that Alpha, then something's seriously wrong!  That thing ate our bullets like candy, damn it!  Then, second...I know very well that the only thing I'd get from my buddies in the 'Gate would be a load of lead in my head...and the people here saved my ass.  They don't like me, they don't trust me, and still they patched me up.  While my good old buddy Reese..."  He spat at the floor in contempt.  "...just decided to leave me behind...  Idiot!  How far did he think he'd get?"

"Not very far," Ni'ka muttered, thinking of Waytelem and his tracking skills.

"I won't shed a tear for him," Andy grumbled.  "Whatever - all that does make a guy think of where the loyalties lie."

And then he fell silent again and a strange expression appeared on his face, something between confusion and wonder.  "And then...heck, that other night, when that weird energy wave hit everyone...it was like something was probing me, testing.  Felt like walking on a razor blade for a while, sure kept my breath the whole time.  Dunno why, but seems I passed somehow.  Next morning my wound was a lot better than before, the infection gone.  The healer said it was a blessing from their goddess...Eh-wa?"  He stumbled over the unfamiliar word.

"Eywa," Ni'ka corrected, feeling hope rise in her.  If the Great Mother had blessed Andy, his spirit couldn't be completely lost.

"Eywa," Andy repeated, still with a heavy accent.  "Anyway, if what healed me somehow has to do with this goddess...I guess She's worth saving."  The crooked smile reappeared.  "Guess your goddess just hired a mercenary."

[Random the Navigator]

"Maybe a few," said Ash, "and not necessarily human...  Do you remember Waytelem?  Rick told me you two had met, and that he wasn't any too pleased with Reese either.  He's out now with a scouting party, hunting down your ex-buddy and maybe doing a little recruiting of his own.  If you didn't know it, Waytelem is the warriors' Elder here, and I have it on good authority that once he's so much as picked up the man's scent, Reese is as good as dead and just doesn't know it yet.  Don't underestimate these Na'vi, ever.  They're a lot more adaptable than most people think.  You've already enjoyed the services of their aeromedical corps, for one; and that's not the only one of Sully's ideas they took and made their own."  Then she broke the tension between them with a grin: "Ponchos and footwear and sweatpants, for a few.  You should ask for some; the healers have been holding out on you..."

Then she cocked her head, looking pensive.  "I think a lot of people were surprised to find out they were loved and accepted the other night...  Strictly speaking, Eywa isn't a goddess.  She's the personification of this world's life-force.  Like Gaia on Earth, except that Eywa's People actually listen to Her...  If She's touched you, taken you into Herself, then you're part of this world whether you know it or not...and a person should be willing to defend his home, don't you think?"

[Kiyevanie]

"Dunno - doesn't matter how you call Her," Andy mused.  "I'm not the most religious type, but from what I've felt that night and what you say, I'm not sure if the name makes a frickin' difference.  She's on a totally different level - whoah.  Seriously, got no idea what the heck She saw in me - and it felt as if She completely turned me inside out."  He was convinced that the cosmic being - or the goddess - had noticed every dark spot on his soul; and there were a lot of dark spots, he thought.  "I'm not sure if this world needs me to be part of it; it could do a lot better.  But if there's something I'm good at it's fighting...so, if a fighter is needed, I'll defend whatever you want me to."  He grinned weakly.  "If I ever get outta here and the healers might spare me some of those sweatpants.  And if I get my hands on a weapon."

He pondered over the rest of Ash's words.  "Waytelem...oh yeah, I remember that guy!" he nodded.  "I still had fever back then, but I remember him from the dispensary.  He and his banshee brought me to this place, together with Rick, at least that's what I remember.  And that he was definitely pissed about Reese..."  He recalled what he remembered from Waytelem's face and expression and actually winced at the thought.  "Underestimate him?  No way!  I'm not still alive 'cause I tend to underestimate people, and this guy can make you crap your pants without breaking a sweat.  No need convincing me here.  Guess Reese's chances for survival just went down below zero."  He frowned.  "Still wonder why he's doing it - that warrior Elder, I mean.  Why hunt Reese down?"

Ni'ka grinned at the first words.  She liked and respected Waytelem deeply, but she knew his reputation and could very much imagine how an angry Waytelem might look to a human, especially one who was trying to fight off a nasty wound in his belly and the Change as well.  But now she frowned at Andy's question.  "When you two were put in that place, nobody knew if you would turn out to be allies or enemies to us.  But you still were warriors who had fought together against the Alpha.  A pongu...a small one, but still warriors relying on each other.  When Reese left you, he left behind a wounded tsmukan in need."  She shook her head, still in disbelief about the whole thing.  "No true Tsamsiyu can leave it at that."  Her face grew hard for a moment.  "If I had found him, or Ngatapa, or even Atreyu, he'd be just as dead."

Andy swallowed a bit at the fierceness in that; but he was a fighter, who knew about the importance of trust and loyalty in a squad (that Reese had broken), so he understood the thought behind it and nodded.  "I get it."  He shook himself a little like a wet dog and then changed over to more pleasant subjects.  "Okay, and recruiting too?  I wish him luck with that - but if he decides to go for more humans he should just be careful with the miners.  Most of them hate the job and would probably happily join anyone who'd give them a chance to get outta there and kick back.  But there are a few who like the idea of getting some extra money.  I've been on guard duty there before we came out, and I've heard them talk.  On the other hand - I can't see anyone playing foul tricks on this Waytelem, not when he stares at you that way, right into your head."

[Random the Navigator]

"They all do that," said Ash.  "It's called 'Seeing', and it's not the head that they're interested in...it's the heart.  They See into you, they See your soul, the sum of your Being.  Kind of like when we say we have a 'feel' for someone, but amped up to eleven.  If they stare longer these days, it's because with Eywa off fighting that demon, Seeing has become harder for them to do.  But they're still a hell of a lot better at it than any human but a sage could ever be.  That's probably why they haven't killed you yet.  There's something in you besides 'Andy the mercenary' that they value and See that the world might need.  Whether you discover it for yourself and make it available to them is up to you...  But I wouldn't dare try to bullshit them, because they know when you're not being true to yourself."

Then she frowned.  "What is it with soldiers and religion?" she asked a little irritably.  "Isn't there a saying, 'There are no atheists in the trenches'?  Yet you and Reese and even Rick at first were in a big hurry to declare yourselves 'not very religious'.  What, you guys think that's a weakness or something?  In that sense, you sound just as bad as some of the scientists!

"As for what Waytelem wants with Reese...  I'll be honest, I don't think he's actually all that interested in Reese.  I think he mainly wants to get a fresh look at the situation, see if the Na'vi have any options now that they didn't have a month ago.  Back then it was Carbonell or his superiors trying to provoke these people into an attack that they could use as an excuse for genocide.  Well, that hasn't worked, and in the meantime the Na'vi have had a chance to think things over, and Waytelem is probably out there seeing how much of what they've brainstormed is actually doable.  Only his inner circle is very clear about his actual plans.  But Reese might be good for some entertainment...you know, to keep the warriors' skills and instincts sharp..."  Her grin flashed entirely too much fang, and she had to ask herself inside whether she didn't actually enjoy the thought of Reese being butchered out and left where SecOps could see him.

[Kiyevanie]

"Entertainment, huh?"  That actually made Andy wince.  "Well, then at least he's good for something, after all."  He was properly impressed by Ash's description of Waytelem's tactical approach.  'Warrior Elder' obviously wasn't just a title for someone who practiced archery and spear-fighting with his people, but also for the military mind of the Clan.  What Ash described sounded pretty much like something any tactician he had ever met would do.  And it didn't take her words for Andy to understand that behind Waytelem's intense golden eyes was a mind as sharp as he had ever met.  Behind Ni'ka's silver ones as well, when he thought about it.  The dark Na'vi girl hadn't said much, but she was eyeing him in that way that was becoming almost familiar, and Andy wondered what she was Seeing there - an interesting wording, he thought.

Actually what Ni'ka was Seeing wasn't quite as clear yet, but her gut told her that wasn't due to the Sky warrior playing any games.  Ash had said surprisingly wise words - that there was something that Andy still had to discover for himself, and for now that something was hidden behind fog and scars and hard years for the mercenary as well as for the Na'vi girl trying to See him.

For a moment there had been a pause in discussion.  "Oh - and that religion thing," Andy finally started again.  "Nope, not a weakness, not at all.  Heck, I've seen other mercs pray passionately for something."  A sudden shadow crossed his face.  "I've always wondered how they did it, keeping it up that way with everything they've seen.  Me, I grew up with it, but after a few years out on the field...nope, no higher being would have ever allowed some of the things I've seen out there."  But then he looked up with a half smile.  "But gimme a few more weeks here and I might even change my mind there.  This...visit...the other night was kinda convincing, and what- or whoever this Eywa is - She's damn-it-all fighting for Her people!"

Ni'ka silently smiled to herself at those words.

[Random the Navigator]

"That 'visit' was something else, wasn't it?" Ash smiled.  "I know Rick, Ni'ka and I have been swapping miracle stories for two days, and something tells me we haven't seen the last of them...  But you're the first person outside our circle who's mentioned feeling something too.  Was anyone or anything else here affected, as far as you could tell from where you're sitting?  What was it like?  The Worldmind sparing a thought for this particular Hometree...that must have been something really special..."

As carefully as she'd worded things--"our circle", not specifying its size or nature; herself, Rick and Ni'ka the only ones named; nothing at all about "our camp" or "our outpost" or even "our group", which would have given it away as an organised movement--she couldn't keep the wistfulness out of her voice and expression.  Somehow this hadn't managed to come up with the Na'vi all morning; she'd been much too involved in filling them in.  So Andy was the first person who she'd really been able to ask about this so far, and the first she'd talked to today for no other reason than her own curiosity.  It was kind of nice not to have an agenda for a change, either her own or that of the people she'd come to see...