Avatar Tails!
Avatar Tails => The Day the Planet Went Dark => Topic started by: Random the Navigator on April 30, 2018, 03:09:29 PM
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[A good place to break in; after the RP creator's departure, Kiye and I decided that the story *and* Ash's presentation needed to be taken in a new direction. This is the last post co-written by the original GM.]
::: [ Past and Prologue ] :::
Ash gripped Ni'ka's waist tightly and squeezed her eyes shut as they flew; the height and speed was still something she would have to get used to. "Just let me know when we are close," she asked. "I can't stand flying right now."
"Just hold on," Ni'ka comforted her friend. "It's not that far, and I've told Lor to be careful." The feeling that came to her over Tsaheylu said pretty much that, with two riders on her back, Lor wasn't up to any aerobatics anyway...but that was something Ni'ka decided to keep from her passenger.
So they flew in silence for a while, the sky getting gradually brighter until Ni'ka could make out a familiar silhouette against the sky. "I can see Hometree already," she told Ash.
A short while later Lor landed in the rookery on top of Hometree, Ni'ka dismounting quickly and helping Ash off the Ikran's back. "See?" she said with a smile. "We're there, and you didn't fall off."
With Hometree being more than half-empty, it didn't take them long to climb down the great spiral and finally get down to the common grounds. By now the few Na'vi remaining knew who Ash was; she just got a few curious glances, but nobody was really in an uproar about the Dreamwalker walking among them.
"We're going to have to find the Tsahiks," Ni'ka said, looking around and trying to spot them somewhere.
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[New stuff!] 8)
The Tsahiks weren't hard to find. They were gathered in a little knot just outside the Tompa'tanhi Olo'eyktan's private meeting-place, muttering between themselves in tones that bespoke waning patience. "I don't understand it," said one. "The Dreamwalker woman visited the Heart two times in that many weeks, did she not? And all things did was get worse! Then she gives poor Na'vie a few days off from her prattle, and Lo! --Somehow the All-mother manages to find us. So we're letting her do our work for us why?? I've said from the beginning that we can bloody well take care of this ourselves!"
"And yet she presumes so much," another sighed. "Or did you hear what she said to Tiye last time? To Tiye!"
"That was a bit extreme, I admit," said a third. "She doesn't seem to think much of us. Has she sat down with any of you since we first met to prepare her for her task? Just sat and listened, or expressed any interest in anything more than it would take to get the job done?"
The three of them thought about it a moment, then shook their heads.
Ash, hearing just enough of this to make her heart sink, paused behind a pillar, well short of how close she'd have to be to greet them. "Ni'ka," she whispered anxiously, "something tells me I'm not the most popular person in Hometree at the moment..."
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The way down the spiral had left Ni'ka with mixed emotions. Most of the time she had spent there had been in 'Iheyu's nook; it had been only a few times she had come down: the day she'd talked to the Olo'eyktan and the Healer's Elder about Tsanten and about her own state; the day Waytelem had officially accepted her as a Clan hunter...and very few other times, mostly when she was flying in and out. But all of those times Hometree had been bustling with activity and people; seeing it now half-empty seemed so wrong...
So her mood hadn't been the best to start with when she heard the Tsahiks' talk, and now her heart sank even more. So far she hadn't seen much of Ash and the Tsahiks together, so she didn't know what had happened between them. But of course she knew that Ash had had several run-ins with other people lately. Some of this probably came from the red crystal and its influence - if there was someone on Pandora who knew what the Red could do to someone's mind, it was Ni'ka. But some of it must have come from Ash's strong determination to put everything she had and everything she was into saving Pandora, sometimes forgetting what was left and right from the straight path she was storming along. And as much as Ni'ka loved Ash as a friend, and knowing how much she owed to her and Rick, she wasn't blind and could see where the Tsahiks were coming from.
Still - Ash was a friend, and Ni'ka did owe her her life, her health and her sanity. And as shy as the dark huntress could be when it was for her own accord, if it was about helping a friend the fierceness of her spirit animal, the Palulukan, shone through.
So now she nodded to Ash. "I See and hear what is spoken," she said. "Still, we have to try it." She bit her lip. "No matter what's happened, asking spiritual help from the Tsahiks is something everyone is allowed to do, even if things have gone wrong in the past. But I think we'll need to be very respectful now."
She gave Ash a quick hug, then stepped out from the pillar, taking a deep breath and bowing her head to the three spiritual leaders. "I See you," she said, giving the Tsahiks the most respectful greeting she could manage.
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Now the whole group of them, a dozen priests and priestesses in all, turned to face the newcomer, an unforeseen respect in their eyes. If Ash's reputation was a bit iffy at the moment, there was nothing wrong with Ni'ka's. Anyone who'd known of her presence in Hometree at all knew her courage in the face of the most extreme adversity and in her simple desire to be part of the community again. "As we See you," Ali'ite, the Tsahik of the Tompa'tanhi, replied; then she bestowed an affectionate smile. "Although I can't claim we've seen you; we're still getting used to 'people of color', as the Tawtute might put it, peeking their noses around pillars and shadowy places!" She turned to the rest of the gathering. "My sisters and brothers, meet Ni'ka, huntress of the Tompa'tanhi."
Some of the others shuffled a little nervously in spite of themselves; but all did, indeed, See her and return the greeting. "And who's your friend...?" Ali'ite asked encouragingly. Of course she knew who it was; they all did. But she herself had not shared an opinion on Ash, and now she saw how the Dreamwalker hung back from her colleagues' cooling gazes; she wanted to instill a more welcoming frame of mind among her fellows.
"Oel ngati kameie," Ash murmured as she stepped forward, feeling very small despite her Avatar's height. What to say next? If she pretended she hadn't overheard them, they'd surely see through it; if she started by making her suggestion, they'd think she was being bossy; if she tried to clear the air, they'd think she'd been skulking... She thought about something that Brenda had said: ~ Assume they can see you. ~ And another bit of wisdom from the same source: ~ Ain't no way out but forward. ~
"I, umm..." she began lamely. "I've been talking to some people and thinking...a lot...about how I've been approaching things, and...well...we've gotten a lot done, but in some ways, I don't think I could have messed this up any further if I'd tried... Can we talk?"
The group of shamans exchanged arched brow-stripes; they certainly hadn't seen this coming. "But of course," Ra'nah's mate replied, smiling and extending a hand. "All have the right to approach us in time of spiritual need. And perhaps you might be able to ease our hearts; surely you also felt the All-mother the night before last, and we'd love to hear some good news from your camp for a change. Come..." And she led the gathering into the Olo'eyktan's vacant audience-chamber.
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Ni'ka's ears perked up a bit and she smiled back gratefully at the Tsahiks - this was a much better opening than she had expected. The tips of her ears were slightly glowing from the warm introduction the Tompa'tanhi Tsahik had given her.
The smile stayed on her face as she followed the assembly of spiritual leaders to the audience chambers. "I think then we might have some stories to share," she said softly, encouraged by the warm welcome. "We're also curious how the Great Mother has blessed this place."
That brought more smiles, especially from one of the younger Tsahiks, a woman in her late thirties with a bright yellow shawl around her shoulders who gave a friendly nod, although her glance towards Ash was still reserved.
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Somehow, even though Ash had tacked herself onto the tail end of the little troupe, she found herself in front by the time everyone began finding their places in the chamber. This was awkward, to say the least...but then, she had been the one to request a hearing.
The Tompa'tanhi's spiritual leader seated herself on a large root--once covered with vines, which were all now dried--and patted a spot next to her, much as she would for counseling a child.
Ash gratefully took the offered place, already feeling much better than she would have if she'd been forced to stand front and center. "Thank you for this," she said, patting the spot herself. "Dunno if I ever told you, but I'm not much of a public speaker... Yes, I know I've had to address people since this started, but I'd be lying to you if I claimed my knees didn't turn to water every time."
"That would explain your stilted demeanor, would it not? said a male Tsahik. "You know what I mean--how you have been closed off to us and spoken stiffly when you have spoken at all. I confess that many Clan members have mistaken this for arrogance. So that is not the case? Then we have wronged you by not questioning the matter more deeply."
A female shamaness spoke next. "It'd probably have helped if you had let us come to know you more as a person," she said neutrally.
Ash felt a flash of resentment at this, but with some difficulty managed to suppress it. Still, there was an edge in her voice as she said "I'm sorry, but a childhood mostly spent in a hospital bed isn't the best way to develop social skills!"
"Indeed, it isn't," said Ali'ite. "But what 'Ohana is saying is that we wish we had known this before today. Do you remember our first conference, when all of us were trying to prepare you for the journey ahead? We understood your urgency, for it was our urgency too. But your haste to be on your way... My dear, you almost seemed bored with our droning, or at least eager to get away!" She didn't seem offended by this; the All-mother knew how a child being tutored could get the wrigglies. "But a certain restlessness has always been part of your nature, hasn't it?" she continued. "And if you think about it, that can probably be traced to your time in your healers' wards as well."
"I hadn't thought of it that way," Ash admitted. "There are a whole lot of things I haven't thought of... That's why I've decided to try to listen more, to yield more to other people's wisdom...to leave some things to the experts." She looked down. "I'm kinda new at it, so please don't bite my head off if I get it wrong the first few times...or the first few hundred..." She shrugged a little helplessly.
The Tsahiks exchanged significant looks over the Dreamwalker's head.
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Ka'hi, the Tsahik with the yellow shawl, raised a brow. "Seeing that something was wrong is a first step; deciding to change a thing about it is a second one, and starting to listen to people with more wisdom is never wrong. Still, those are things a child should have learned, no matter if it was in a hospital bed or climbing around in Hometree." Her eyes were only a little warmer than before and she sighed. "The People put a lot of trust in you, and while I don't doubt your resolve or your bravery, the thought of putting so much on the shoulders of an 'evi...I wonder if we made the right decision there."
Despite her intention to act respectfully, Ni'ka couldn't help the sudden swish of her tail. "Friend Ash is no..." she started, then quickly shut her mouth, ears drooping, hoping she hadn't messed things up.
This actually made Ka'hi smile. "No, your friend Ash surely isn't a child, and I know that. But the spiritual part of her Being still has to grow, and for her there's very much to learn. So maybe we put a burden on her shoulders that she..." Now she turned her head and looked at Ash directly: "...that you weren't ready for yet."
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Ash put up a hand to Ni'ka. "No, Ni'ka, I am a child when it comes to these things," she told her, then turned to Ali'ite again; she found it less unnerving to only have to deal with one pair of eyes at a time. "This is what I learned from Tiye, and I'm kind of shocked I never recognised it myself. I've come here every other time insisting that you treat me on equal terms, when, as Rick would say, I'm not even fit to polish your boots. Or, umm, dagger-sheaths, I guess...
"But she and Tangek and a few others said something that really struck home: that I can't hope to fix something I don't understand. And I don't. I don't understand your sense of community. I don't understand how you function almost as one body. I don't understand how clued-in you are to everything about your world. 'Iheyu taught me a meditation that gave me a hint--just a hint--of what that's like. And if I hadn't been so frazzled about blowing it with Enya, I might have even given it time to sink in, or done it more than once. Same with when Ngatapa taught me and my mate how to commune. Or what Brenda said--umm, have I told you about Brenda?" She knew the answer instantly, however, and smacked her forehead hard. "I can't believe it--I haven't even told you about Brenda yet!"
Ali'ite nodded. "I think the first and last we heard of her was when Tiye told you she'd come to your camp. Is she a wise one of your People, then?"
Ash had to chuckle. "Brenda? Eh, maybe wiser than she knows... But, no, she was Enya's minder at Hell's Gate. Tough, tough woman; warrior-hard sometimes; a real survivor, and nobody you'd want to mess with unless you like arm-wrestling with thunderstorms. Frankly, she scares me sometimes... But she knows how to live on this world. Even as a human, but especially in her Avatar--who, by the way, she treats as family, and you'd better believe she gave me an earful about Sprout! That and some other things..." She blushed.
"So what did this Brenda say?" Ali'ite prompted.
But 'Ohana scowled. "I'd say there are a few more important things you haven't told us about yet," she said tersely; then she relented and continued in an earnest, somewhat puzzled tone...maybe even sounding a little hurt. "Such as, what exactly have you been doing all this time? We know you've visited the Blue Lady at least twice, and Rick says you've recovered most of the shards. But what was it like in the Heart? We here have been hoping and dreading to learn what you've found there--hoping it is anything like we left it, dreading that the lights have gone out there too. Maybe not so much dread since the Blessing...but don't you think we could have used a little encouragement before then, if there was any to be had?"
At Ali'ite's sad nod, Ash hung her head as her heart sank six feet under the floor. "I...guess I haven't been much of an ally, have I?" she murmured, close to tears.
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"Nobody ever doubted that you allied yourself with the People, and that is why we are sitting here and talking - because we know your heart is right and strong," Ka'hi said. "But to be allies it takes giving and taking...which goes for sharing our thoughts, our ideas, and the things we learn. And you have been too much on the giving side. Giving us too much of your advice, your ideas, your suggestions about how things should be done. And too little taking - taking of advice, ideas, learning. As you have said it yourself - not listening enough." She smiled sadly. "And with all those words and ideas you gave us, you still forgot to tell us a lot of the things that are really important."
Ni'ka's ears drooped even further. "I think we all might be a bit guilty of that last part," she admitted. "None of us at Ash's camp has been to the Heart, that's true, but there are so many other things...and unlike Ash, I'm Bonded to an Ikran with strong wings. Lor and I could have come and told about a few things. Things giving hope, like Na'vie calling Enya's spirit to the Heart when my tsmuke needed it most..." She felt her eyes get moist at the memory about how close they had been to losing Enya that day. "Enya calls her 'Blue Lady' and the Heart the 'pretty place'."
Now the sad expression gave way to an impish smile. "Those two must have had a great time. They were - among other things - playing in the pool, exploring in the caves... And in some ways they've healed each other. Even if most of that healing went from Na'vie to Enya, I think that Enya helped fill some empty spots in Na'vie's spirit too."
Now Ka'hi's jaw dropped. "Na'vie has invited 'Iheyu's 'ite to the Heart???"
Ni'ka nodded. "Yes, she did. And..." She spread her hands. "Something else came out of that... People know about the Heart in our camp now. And I think Na'vie knew this would happen, or else she'd have told Enya to keep the secret."
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At the words "Blue Lady", everyone blinked--Ash no less than the Tsahiks; for, while that was Enya's name for the Heart's ancient guardian, 'Ohana had used it too. "Umm...you call her the Blue Lady too?" Ash blurted.
Ali'ite answered for the gathering. "Not all Clans refer to our sacred ones by name. The Omatikaya might say 'Eywa' and 'Na'vie'. 'Ohana's Clan uses 'the All-mother' and 'the Blue Lady'. For others yet, they are 'the Great Mother' and 'the First Child'. And of course you've heard our own Clan use all these names and a few personal ones besides. We are one People, so we all know who is meant. But the reason we are gawking at *you* is because somehow, out of nowhere, and even though she knows nothing of our lore, the only Dreamwalker-Awake in the whole wide world has named Na'vie the same thing we have." She chuckled. "'Iheyu did say that I really ought to meet that girl..."
Maru, the male Tsahik who had spoken earlier, now cocked his head. "Perhaps you two could back up a step...? Who is Enya, and what is a Dreamwalker-Awake?"
"Ah," said Ash, suddenly feeling put on the spot. "That, uh, might take more than one of us to explain..."
Ali'ite began for her. "Enya is 'Iheyu's youngest--not so young by the look of her; but the Dreamwalkers are born fully-formed, and she is actually many years Tali's junior. He found her injured, you see, and while relations with her kind have been tense, no one is going to turn away a child in need. She's been down here a few times. 'Iheyu brought her to meet my mate when she was well enough, seeking permission to adopt her into the Clan." She regarded Ash, eyes twinkling. "Ahh, how you two scampered around the Commons afterwards! It was good to see; even in crisis, we permit ourselves to play."
Now she addressed the others again. "But we very soon discovered that she was not 'her kind' at all! You've seen how the Dreamwalkers seem to be almost soulless when they sleep; they are not, of course, but it takes a true Sensitive to See them at all. Enya is not like that. She has her own spirit--a strong spirit, very strong indeed--and her own waking life when she is not 'sharing' her body with her Sky Person. Which she can't anymore, because as I understand it, her Sky Person died just before the world went wrong. We never understood the nature of that Bond until she was here to speak of it--most of them can't, you know. But it is so close that losing it must have been like losing a parent, a mate and an unborn child all at the same time. I don't know how she survived it...
"But she was down here another time, the very day before her family left Hometree for a safer place. Ra'nah saw her then, too, as did Waytelem and Ngatapa, and by then she even had Tangek wrapped around her extra finger! And she was so strong and straight, considering her injuries; she bore herself with dignity...that is, until she went bouncing into his arms! She learned how to take care of a Pa'li and experienced her first Tsaheylu, which by all accounts filled a need deeper than anyone knew. But they had to evacuate before anyone in her family could tell us how that went... Ash? That's as much as I know about the girl secondhand; can you and Ni'ka fill in some of the rest?"
Ash shifted in place. "I think Ni'ka could tell you more than I can. I haven't been at the station a whole lot...and we didn't get off to the best start, and I've blown it with her a few ways since..." She explained that, with her several extended absences, she had not come to know the orphan Avatar nearly as well as she would have liked; and she freely admitted that she had inadvertently harmed the girl, first with her incredulity and then with her meddlesomeness and misdirected protectiveness. "I've missed so much of her growing-up, and she's done so much of it since she left Hometree; I don't think I really knew her until last night, and she's a really beautiful person... I feel I've missed out on so much!"
"You are not alone in this; all our children grow up too quickly," Ali'ite said with an affectionate smile.
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"Yes, Enya has been growing a lot in these last few weeks," Ni'ka nodded. "She loves taking on responsibilities, like tending the lights that keep the red mist away - or caring for Tsanten; somehow from the first moment she understood him best." She smiled. "The way the two of them invented a code to keep a message secret was amazing. And now that code is not only a way to keep that information safe, but it's also growing into something we all can learn and that will give Tsanten back a way to speak to people."
She smiled at Ali'ite. "Bonding with Kilvanä - that's the Pa'li's name - did two things for Enya, I think: it helped her grow and it helped her heal. And the Bond also gives to both of them. I'm not sure if Kilvanä sees Enya as another foal to raise, but they care deeply for each other and have the closest bond I've ever seen between rider and Pa'li. They're one of the best foraging teams I've ever seen...um, as far as I remember." Ni'ka's eyes closed for a moment - there were still so many holes and gaps in her memories... "What they found helped as much with our food situation as the hunting Kenten and me did."
She turned to Ash now. "See, she wants and needs to grow - even if that means bruises now and then. She's getting better at climbing and swinging and running; soon she won't need her staff for anything else anymore except learning how to smack it over the bad people's heads!"
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Ash nodded. "Silronsem told me as much; ye gods, that was almost the first thing out of her mouth when I woke up in this body that morning. 'Good to see you're awake--and, oh, by the way, don't freak out about Enya's boo-boos; she's very proud of them!' Have I been that bad?" She shook her head. "But yes, I have been. I got so upset with Tiye for saying I'd be a terrible mother, but all I know about children was what I felt like in that hospital room--meaning I don't know anything about children at all! Healthy ones; active ones; curious ones. When I really need to worry about them and when I just need to stand back and let them make their own mistakes..."
Maru's brows went up. "Tiye said you'd be a bad mother? She has strong opinions, true; don't we all in this business? But that doesn't sound like her. I'm afraid we've only had one side of that story, the side we got from your shouting..."
Ash blushed, her eartips reddening. "The less I'd said then and the less I say about it now, the better, maybe... She didn't actually say I'd be a terrible mother. What she said was...well, she chewed me out for neglecting this body for so long, then said she prayed I never had any more children. Meaning she sees Sprout--that's this body when I'm not 'sharing'--as my child, my first child." She turned to Ni'ka almost frantically. "I mean, doesn't that explain the whole thing?? The treatment I got when I came back to the station? 'Iheyu telling me that almost everyone Saw beyond that, but Enya not even saying Hi?"
She faced the Tsahiks again. "Of course Tiye would think that. If she sees Avatars as their drivers' children--and who wouldn't, after meeting Enya, besides me?--then I was already guilty of child neglect. Because I was making the same mistake about Sprout that the people at Hell's Gate made about Enya--seeing them as things to be put to use, and not as children who need to be raised and trained or, in Sprout's case, at least fed and exercised and thought about once in a while in some way besides what good we can get out of them. Enya is the first one of her kind that could even tell me what being 'her kind' is like, and I wasn't even listening to that! God, what a fuck-up..." She buried her face in her hands, shaking her head in dismay.
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"That was part of it, yes." Ni'ka felt sympathy for her friend. She knew that Ash had a caring heart; she had seen it first hand when she had opened her eyes after Stalker's taser-knife had stunned her out of her Vrrtep-induced frenzy. But she also knew that with the Tsahiks, nothing would do but complete openness and honesty. And Ni'ka had seen how deeply disturbed Enya had been about Sprout being so helpless and uncared for. "Yes, you told her before that it was necessary to not take Sprout along. But time is different for the hunter than it is for the ones waiting at home. Enya knew that you had to do important things...but there was still Sprout alone on her sleeping mat, and it was a long time."
"If this Dreamwalker-Awake is a child in mind and spirit, then it felt even longer to her," Ka'hi joined in now. "Children feel time passing by differently than grownups."
"There's that too," Ni'ka agreed, knowing that Enya wasn't the best at waiting for something, especially as a few things she was waiting for had been postponed again and again. "So - while her mind knew what was going on, her heart told her a different thing. And Enya loves Sprout deeply. She feels responsible for her."
"It seems this child has a very strong sense of responsibility for the weak ones," Ka'hi mused, then turned her intense gaze on Ash. "Yes, it seems to me you should have listened to her more, and on more than one thing." A small smile softened her features. "But we were already on this 'listening' subject from before..."
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"Oh, she is," Ash said of Enya's childlikeness. "Less so now, maybe; she's said some very wise things in the last day or two, and it left me wondering whether she's been that way all along and we--the Sky People--just never thought to look into it. When I met her she was still wide-eyed with fear, trembling, helpless, desperate to see someone like her...and that's the image of her I've been carrying in my heart ever since. But that's me being stuck in that place, not her. She said--this is one of the wise things--that I really needed to get to know Enya-Now, because Enya-Now is not the same person as Enya-Just-Met...not the same person at all! I never knew her at her best, only as crippled and bereaved. I never lived in the 'long wood place' with the other Dreamwalkers, you see, and they didn't talk about her anywhere else. They didn't trust anyone else. They didn't trust *me*..." She had never been much given to displays of emotion, but now she dabbed a tear in spite of herself.
Ali'ite placed a comforting hand on Ash's thigh. "Which brings us back to the subject of you being a child, at least in the important things," she said gently. "And the question of whether you were really ready for the task we placed upon you. Yes, children do like to take on responsibilities; it is how they can feel they are part of the community, that they are giving something to the Clan. So Enya forages and cares for the weak ones, even though in the beginning she was so weak herself. Wasn't it the very day she met you that she, ah, took over Ni'ka's wardrobe?" She couldn't help a smile.
"But these are things she has chosen for herself," she continued. "You did not choose the task we gave you. Indeed, it wasn't even your task! Ra'nah told me about your meeting; your mate was chosen to go, and 'Iheyu thought he'd do better if his beloved accompanied him. And yet here we've all been, expecting great things of you and pinning your ears to the wall for not measuring up! Ma'ite, there's enough shame in that to go around for everybody." Her eyes swept the chamber, and every other Tsahik nodded at least a little bit.
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Ka'hi felt a resonance to what she had been thinking before - that they had been placing responsibility on a child's shoulders that was more than a child would be ready to bear. And that had been even before she now learned that it had been the Tawtute warrior's task to begin with...not his mate's.
So her nod to Ali'ite's words was sincere. "We all know the situation is dire and that the last thing our Great Mother has is too much time. But sometimes hurrying along is the wrong thing to do, especially when time is precious. Maybe, once everything is spoken and every song is sung, you should take a few days to let your spirit catch up with everything that has happened? To spend some time with your mate - those bonds need attention too? And to show a certain child that you care about...um...Sprout?"
Ni'ka's ears flinched. Usually she would have agreed with the Tsahik, knowing how Ash had run herself thin with everything going on. But there was the little thing with Ash's mood swings and the aftereffects of the crystal shard... But that wasn't her story to tell.
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"Maybe..." Ash murmured to Ka'hi's suggestion. This was hardly the first time she'd heard something like it; almost every Na'vi at the compound, and even Rick and Brenda, had been urging her to slow down, take a deep breath and live, not just work or merely exist. And they hadn't been speaking from seats of lofty wisdom, she now realised--for, what with one crisis and another and already having so many needy ones among them, how much time had they had to maintain their own bonds, their own connectedness? Surely much of their occasional snappishness must have been due to the situation catching up with them, and her own little breakdowns couldn't have helped; her little breakdowns, the ones that had messed things up for her with those Na'vi, because surely she hadn't been herself when she'd said and done the things that had put such a strain on those relationships...or had she?
"Look..." she began. "It's not just me, okay? I'd like to take time for anything besides the mission. But who's had the time? Eywa? The world? I take a day off and we wake up with ice on the ground. Fine, tell me it's a coincidence, tell me no one can control the weather--but we had a nice day the day after Rick and I stole the crystals. What I do or don't do affects things. So I have to *do*...don't you see it?
"And...there's something else. The shard in my arm...I know Tiye got it out, but it's still messing with my mind. Hasn't worked its way out of my system, 'Iheyu said. And I think it was her or Tangek or maybe Brenda who said the shard can't have given me a whole new personality, that Vrrtep merely feeds off of what's already there." Her eyes flashed red for a moment, and her voice began to rise: "Meaning I was already unfit, a bad person; petty, controlling, set in my ways, and bound and determined to save the world all by myself! And you people put this on me?? Or allowed me to take it on?? Why didn't someone stop me from biting off more than I could chew?? Why did--"
"Ash." Ali'ite's voice was quiet but firm. "If I understand, the day you returned after bringing Na'vie the crystals was also the day of Enya's dreamwalk. Is it possible--even likely--that Enya's visit to the Heart had as much to do with the improvement in the weather as you did? Will you consider this? Because if it's true, then the whole business is not up to you and you are not the only person who can affect things. That said, and if it's been wearing you so thin and robbing you of a well-rounded life, why not let someone else take a turn at it?"
But the Dreamwalker's tone was still confrontational, still tense. "If you people could have fixed this by yourselves, then why haven't you? This is what I came to say: That maybe I'm not enough, but maybe you're not enough either! Everyone keeps telling me that you've faced this situation before; well, what did you do about it then? Surely you didn't hand it off to a Sky Person; we didn't exist here then! So whatever you did, what's keeping you from doing it now? Did you send me and Rick down a deep hole in the ground just to see what would happen??"
'Ohana's eyes narrowed. "There you have it," she said to Maru acerbically. "Both sides of the story, yes--one from each side of this stripling's mouth!"
Ash's eyes widened in horror. "Oh, god..." she said, covering her face. "That's not how I meant it to come out at all... What's happening to me?"
-
"No, Ash, no!" Ni'ka stared at her friend, her eyes showing protest and fear. "Vrrtep doesn't just work with what's been there already - the Red can change someone that much." She stared at her hands, her nails still thicker than a normal Na'vi's, even after Brenda's treatment--a permanent reminder of how deeply Vrrtep had changed her. "The Red stains what it gets its twisted hands on. There was no brainless killing beast inside of Tsanten or me...was there?" She looked pleadingly at Ash, then at the Tsahiks, Ash's words having stirred some of her deepest fears. "It just takes so much time to fight it off..." She let her head hang down, wrapping her arms around herself.
In the meantime Ka'hi's eyes had narrowed too, but for a different reason. "What's that?" she demanded, eyeing Ash intently, as if she wanted to stare inside the Dreamwalker's head. "Did anyone see that besides me?" she asked the others. "This flash of red in her eyes?" Her ears flattened as she hissed. "Is there still a trace of the demon inside of her?"
"What???" Ni'ka's head shot up again and her ears perked up in alarm. "It also shows when she's sharing with Sprout?" she asked the younger Tsahik. "Rick had noticed this with Tawtute Ash's eyes too...and then she starts saying things. It's part of why we are here," she finished very quietly.
-
"'Also' shows?" Maru inquired.
Ash, in tears now, was over her outburst and, not for the first time, found herself stuck dealing with the fallout. "Yes, I..." Then she paled. "Wait a minute--Ni'ka, this body's doing it too?? Omigod..."
She reeled, feeling like she was about to pass out; but she steadied herself, turned shakily and made herself face the male Tsahik.
"Yes, the shard was in my Tawtute body, so that's the one which still feels the effects...I thought..." She swallowed hard, then soldiered on. "Look, I wasn't trying to keep this from you, honest. But my other body, the one that had the shard, is infected. No, not that kind of infected; not like the Changed ones...it doesn't work the same on humans. But I had a just-plain-old untreated-wound infection; Tiye knows... And the taint isn't all the way out of my body yet...and sometimes, when I'm feeling some strong emotion like anger or guilt, my eyes flash red and I...say things. Things I don't mean...or sometimes things I do mean, but not in a vicious way." Her brow creased. "But that's in my human body. So why...?"
And then an even sicker feeling washed over her: "Unless...unless it's like Brenda was afraid would happen to her, and Vrrtep's just been waiting to ambush me in this body, since he didn't have much luck with the other one? Can that even happen?" Her voice took on a panicked note: "Someone, please help me think about this!"
The Tsahiks' eyes met over her head again; in the nakedness of her fear, no less than in her plea for help, she was very much like Ni'ka when the Changed girl had come to Hometree.
-
Ka'hi's expression was a strange mix of fear, anger and even some sympathy for Ash's situation. "The evil has been in the body of your Tawtute," she thought out loud. "And now traces of it show in your Dreamwalker form too. I trust in Tiye as a healer; if she got what poisoned your body out, then there are no physical traces left. And still something shows, in your words and in your eyes. So - what's connecting your Tawtute body and this one? It's your spirit, isn't it? Can it be some scar in your spirit?"
"The Red attacks both, body and spirit," Ni'ka confirmed quietly. "And it takes time to get rid of it, and even then something stays, leaving marks." She absentmindedly rubbed the black skin on her arm; even with the few precious tanhi there, it still would remind her for the rest of her life of what she'd been through.
"How can we tell that it's just a scar that needs more time to heal?" Ka'hi was worried. "And is there a way we could support that healing? A ritual? A chant?"
-
Ali'ite's eyes, following the motion as Ni'ka rubbed her arms, suddenly lit up. "Why...you've got tanhi!" she exclaimed with a wide smile. "And I already know that before you'd been here a week, you were able to Bond with your Ikran again. --You see, everyone? This does heal. How much, we won't know until someone's lived a lifetime with it. But our love and support added to hope and the Changed one's strength of spirit can turn things around quite a ways. Ni'ka is one of the People again in all the ways that count. The Red has no further sway over her, and I haven't heard the All-mother complain; indeed, if those tanhi returned when I think they might have, this girl has been granted her share of the Blessing."
Several of the others didn't look so sure. But 'Ohana, whose chief issue with Ash was that the Dreamwalker had not shared any hopeful news if she'd had it, perked up a little. "Then your little group *did* experience the event? It was so powerful, it's hard to imagine it not having been worldwide... But except for Ali'ite, we're all a long way from home, so we won't know what took place in our own lands until we've returned to them. So...what came to pass in your little settlement?"
Ash, her mind diverted from her personal crisis, was only too willing to reply. "Well...Rick and I were right in the middle of it when it came down, settled over us like a blanket...or maybe washed over us like the sea...only it washed into us too, changing us inside, a good kind of change. I think it was... You know we Tawtute like to write things down, pass on messages in symbols, right? And it's not always knowledge. Sometimes we just want to know 'Hey, how are you, what are you up to?' and things like that--just checking in on a friend. And if we're not close enough to do it in person, we'll write it on a bit of sturdy paper and send it along... We call that a postcard. Sometimes it'll be the first time in years that we've heard from the one who wrote it. And what happened the other night was like Eywa sending us a postcard to let us know that She hadn't forgotten about us..." Her eyes, so recently frantic, were now shining in remembered rapture, and it didn't occur to anyone to criticise her for rendering the thing into human terms.
"And then...?" Maru prompted, smiling.
"And then...well, it went differently for everyone, each according to his or her need, is my best guess," the Dreamwalker replied. "Ni'ka got her tanhi back, which I know meant a lot to her. Tsanten awoke in much better health the next morning--a healed fracture, four lively queue-strands and the attitude to match! And Tangek had the fulfillment of being at his side when it happened. See, it wasn't always obvious what each person's Blessing was. Rick felt his body become more stable; he's sure it means he's all done Changing. Brenda's Avatar was Changed earlier, but it never took full effect, and the Blessing even reversed the parts of it that hadn't 'set'. And Enya... Somehow the Blessing freed her from her dependence on her Sky Person. It's kind of technical, but her body needed the link as badly as her soul did, and now it doesn't anymore, and she's getting around like someone who *isn't* waiting for instructions on how to proceed."
Ali'ite's brow-stripes arched upwards. "Is that what it was? 'Iheyu was at a loss to explain why her 'ite refused to walk at first even after she'd mended enough to do so. It wasn't stubbornness; anyone could tell she wanted to climb and play and wander... But somehow she didn't seem to think she was supposed to, or maybe that she wasn't allowed to. So her body needed the guidance of the Other...well, that's like a normal Dreamwalker, at least. The poor thing must have felt like she was all alone and starting from scratch here... Good to know that the situation is within Eywa's power to heal."
"And what about this Brenda?" asked 'Ohana. "You were going to fill us in about her anyway..."
Ash thought for a moment. "Well...that's what I mean about it wasn't always an obvious thing," she replied. "I don't know how the Blessing helped Brenda. Maybe she wasn't broken to begin with, so the All-mother didn't See anything to fix... She was at her outpost at the time, working on sending a message across the stars to our homeworld to tell the good people, the ones who love this world, what is happening here. And she said the message went out faster and stronger than she could have possibly imagined... So maybe that was her Gift. Or maybe it's something else that we don't know about until she shares it, or even something that hasn't happened yet..."
At this, her voice faltered, and her fleeting expression was a mixture of fading hope and keen regret.
-
"Yes, the tanhi came with the Blessing," Ni'ka confirmed, her own face mirroring the awe and happiness she had felt that day. "I might not have forgiven myself for what I might have done while the Red had a hold on me, but somehow something of the Great Mother's spirit Saw me." She smiled, a tentative, slightly shaky smile. "When She touched me, I was scared at first, but then...it's so hard to describe what I felt, don't know if there are even words for it, but Her touching me was the complete opposite of what the Red did. Warmth and love and healing where the Red can only give destruction and hate." She shook her head, still kind of stunned, then her smile widened. "And She gave Kenten back his laugh and spirit. I saw him laughing like he hadn't done for days before."
She paused. "About Brenda - she isn't one to share much of her personal feelings if they aren't about Enya; and what the Blessing gave to us was one of the most personal things I can imagine. Maybe she just isn't ready to share yet?"
Ka'hi nodded in thought. "I don't know this Brenda, but if hers has been one of the Blessings of the spirit, she might just need more time to talk about it - or to never talk about it again. Some of this happened here at Hometree too, didn't it?" She eyed Ash, more softly now, noticing the expression on her face. "And how about you, child?"
-
Ash bit her lip and had to stop herself from looking down. "I...I think I got passed over...or maybe just overlooked..." she said sadly. "I know that ought to be impossible, but...the red eyes, the outburst, that was all the day after She visited us... Enya doesn't understand either; she was asking why 'Mother-god' didn't pet me too..." She sniffled, attempting a brave smile. "Kids say the darnedest things, don't they?" she quipped, at first just shaking her head bemusedly; but then her shoulders began to hitch in incipient sobs, and she murmured "That's why I came..."
And then it all caught up with her, the weeks-to-years and all the ways she had ever felt herself inadequate, overwhelmed, unworthy; from leukemia to entering the Avatar program under false pretenses to her cousin's death, the misuse of her research, and all the hurt she and Pandora had been subjected to since; the exhaustion, the seeming futility, her constant busyness which had been nothing more than an attempt to keep her fear of failure at bay...
She abandoned all pretense of self-discipline and released her long-suppressed tears, spilling from red-gold eyes.
-
Ni'ka didn't even need to think before pulling her friend into a gentle comforting hug - never before she had seen Ash so down and desperate.
Ka'hi shared looks with the other Tsahiks. No matter what Ash had said or done before and how much she had a talent for rubbing people the wrong way, in this moment she was a spirit in need of help. The Tsahik with the yellow shawl started humming a song - not a spiritual chant for a change, but an old song that mothers used to calm down a lost and sad child.
-
Though neither Ash nor the Tsahiks knew it, the song was the same one 'Iheyu had crooned to Enya the day the stranded Avatar had realised that her driver was not coming back for her; indeed, that she would never feel the touch of Solanda Pedregal's mind again. Ni'ka had been there for that, and just as she was now with Ash, she had been the first to try to comfort Enya over her loss. For that matter, Enya had felt as guilt-ridden then as Ash did now; that it must have been her fault that her Soul-friend had abandoned her; that she must have failed her somehow...
Words alone had not been enough to curb her tears, and they could not have curbed Ash's. But this song of unity, of common cause, a song that drew her in, that likened her and everyone around her to leaves of the Great Tree, each one equally necessary to draw in the life-giving light of the now-shrouded Suns, surrounded Ash as the other Tsahiks joined in and reinforced the message with their touches as they gathered around her in a circle-prayer. It was the first time she hadn't felt like the outsider, the intruder, the alien who had no place here, no place among the People. And she realised that she could have had this a long time ago; that 'Iheyu especially had been begging her to accept her little mini-Clan's love, inclusiveness and support, their offer of membership. What else had she denied herself all this time by insisting on going it alone?
She recalled a song of Earth, one that had been popular in the second half of the century before last. "I am a rock; I am an island" had been its proud and resolute chorus, and only now did she remember the half-beseeching, half-resigned last verse: "And a rock feels no pain. And an island never cries." She was crying harder than she ever had in her entire adult life. Therefore, she mustn't be a rock or an island; she must be part of something larger and stronger than either, and as it had no other name, why wouldn't it be the strength and potential for rootedness that flowed into her Being in this very circle?
Such a change in her frame of reference could not happen all in a moment, not even such a powerful moment as this one. But at least it gave her somewhere to begin.
-:-
At length she was able to raise her head, feeling washed-out and a little dizzy and finding herself still in Ali'ite's strong arms after the others gently withdrew. The Tompa'tanhi Tsahik adjusted her own position so that she sat with one hand on Ash's shoulder, the rest of her arm bracing the Dreamwalker's back. She made sure her charge was a bit more settled before picking up the discussion again. "So...why have you come?" she asked gently. "I think you were going to tell us, but it didn't come out quite right; would you like to start over?"
"Yes, Tsahik...yes, I would," Ash said quietly. "Just tell me...what color are my eyes?"
"Red-gold, fading to gold," the Tsahik replied. "They're not the blood-red they were when you ranted at us; I think you're right about the change being tied to strong feelings, but distress is a different thing from rage. That's a rather pretty color, actually..." She smiled encouragingly.
-
Ni'ka had recognized the song Ka'hi had started to hum, and - remembering well how it had helped her sister back then - hummed along, joining the others in the choir, trying to be a comfort, a shoulder to cry on for Ash now the same way Ash had been there for her when Ni'ka had been nothing but a lost child herself.
And, in some way, singing and praying with the Tsahiks helped Ni'ka's troubled spirit too - like Ash, she felt included in the community, accepted, giving comfort as much as receiving it.
Her arms had been wrapped around her friend's shoulders the whole time, and she felt the moment when the tension finally left Ash's body and Ali'ite took over. She very gently let go and sat back on her heels. Hope rose in her; as much as it had hurt to see Ash in such pain, maybe this had been the crisis that was needed to 'clear the air' and make everyone open and new again. Not that she would have put it in these words; but she just felt that something in the atmosphere had changed, and in the right direction.
-
Ash dabbed her last few remaining tears away with a corner of her tank top. "Well, at least that's something I can tell Rick and the others, how to know if I'm dangerous or not..." she said, grasping at the ghost of a silver lining. "I wonder what my eyes would do if I was really happy?"
Then she settled in for the requested explanation.
"I came because even the Blessing didn't fix whatever's wrong with me... I keep hoping my Gift is just something that'll kick in over time, but inside myself I'm not so optimistic. I *am* set in my ways, after all, and I've really blown it with people sometimes even without the damn crystal. And I hate it when people don't go along with me; I feel that they're questioning my competence, and I studied too hard to put up with that easily. And I guess I've been overcompensating since I came to Pandora, because my knowledge all by itself wouldn't have gotten me here, and I've always had to prove myself...even to myself. 'Napoleon syndrome', they call it back home--when someone who doesn't amount to much swaggers around acting all full of himself. Do you know I almost lectured Brenda? She's twice my age and has been here a lot longer than I have or likely ever will be, and there I am telling her she'd better be up front with me... Looking back now, I'm as shocked about that as I was about trying to shove Tiye around. Any wonder Tiye doesn't think I know my place?
"And then I got shot with that crystal fragment. 'Iheyu's convinced that that's most of the reason for my mood swings; I'd had that thing in my body since the day Vrrtep was released, and it got its tentacles in me pretty deep... And I think she's right about it perverting and twisting what was already there in me. I think, in time, it might have found a way to make a tool out of me after all, and that terrified me more than anything...
"Anyway, 'Iheyu suggested I come see you about going to the Heart again to be purged of it once and for all. I mean, yes, I've been there twice, but both times I was in my human body and I still had the shard in me. And I was human during the Blessing, too. So we thought maybe if I came with my Dreamwalker, my human body could rest and heal while the Heart addresses whatever's wrong in my spirit..." Her expression turned to anguish again. "But now it's affecting this body too...what the heck?? Just because I'm in it! And Enya doesn't understand, Brenda doesn't understand; but I've avoided 'sharing' with Sprout precisely because I didn't want to expose her to that! I didn't want to take the risk. So when everyone was pressuring me to link in, it was one more thing to be defensive about, and it was more than I could stand..."
Ali'ite took the Dreamwalker's hands into her own. "Child, a visit to the Heart of Eywa is above all an encounter of the spirit. If such a visit could have helped you in your Being, the body you presented yourself in would not have mattered at all."
Ash looked for a moment like she'd been dealt a blow, but then she squared herself and replied. "Actually, 'Iheyu thinks it might make a difference. This body was born on this world and is of this world; Brenda was pretty adamant about that, and she would know--she's actually Bonded to one of the sacred Trees. She said I shouldn't underestimate what Sprout's ancestry could do for my chances. And 'Iheyu thinks I might not even be able to experience the full effect of the Heart in any other form but this one. I mean, Enya's been there, and she didn't need a body at all except to come home to! And she heard, not just my and Brenda's prayers in the Heart, but Sprout's and Tall Brenda's too."
This provoked a round of raised brows and a short, murmured exchange between several of the shamans. Ali'ite, however, didn't look all that surprised; but then again, hers was the only Clan that included an Uniltiran-txen, a Dreamwalker-Awake, and if Enya had a soul, mustn't they all?
But her musings were interrupted by a question from Maru. "If you wish to return to the Heart, what's stopping you? You know where it is, you've been there twice as many times as anyone else here, and you hardly need our permission."
To everyone's surprise, Ash relaxed and smiled. "Ahh, this was the part that got spoiled by my rant... See, I think we've established that I haven't been able to do much of anything for either myself or Pandora on my own; so I was wondering if all of you could come too. Maybe with all of you there, your voices all raised in a mighty chant in that place of power, your strength would become Eywa's strength, and Hers could become again the strength of the world."
"And you don't mind sharing this burden?" Ali'ite smiled a little teasingly.
"It's about damn time I did, don't you think?" Ash replied, with just a hint of her usual sass.
-
"I think it's a fight that can only be won together." Ni'ka still felt a bit uncomfortable talking to all those Tsahiks, so her voice was quiet and a bit halting at moments. "I...I think the Red...it doesn't understand 'together'. The Changed ones are running in packs, true, but you're still alone. There's no connection, no 'we', nothing. Maybe it doesn't understand about doing things together, maybe it just thinks it's stronger alone, I don't know. The Red doesn't explain..." She rubbed her temples, trying to put into words something that she didn't fully understand herself, something that was only the shades of a fever dream in her memory.
Ka'hi frowned. "Together - yes, we are strong as the People, even when our own Clans are far away now. And when the demon got freed, we all got cut off from our world and our roots. And without that connection we've all felt since the day we were born, we stumble on our way. Maybe going there could be a good idea. But I'm not sure if it's the time yet. Not as long as our spirits are still so troubled in this way; we might do more harm than good."
-
Ash's eyes flashed--not red, just lightning--as her temper flared. "Why, that's the most ri--" But she caught herself and made her voice steady. "Look, if we wait until everyone's feeling hunky-dory, it's never gonna happen. Are our souls any more dislocated than the rest of the world? So unless the crisis ends on its own - which it won't! - if we go there at all before it ends, we're going to show up with troubled hearts. If you've noticed, Eywa's kind of stumbling too. And that's the point--Enya says the 'pretty place' is the place where prayers go, but she also says it's a place for broken people. Aren't we all broken? So if broken people bring their prayers and their love and their pain, don't you think that's going to make a unity that even Eywa--even Vrrtep!--has to respect? I can't think of any better way to defeat him than to stick it in his face that we know he's broken and thrashing in pain too! And we're a lot better at this 'teamwork' thing than he is. Like Enya reminds us almost every day: Together makes strong."
'Ohana stiffened at what sounded for all the world like a rebuke, even with Ash's marginally more polite tone of voice. "Mind your throat, child!" she warned. "Or do you think you understand the demon's nature better than we, who've overcome it in the past?"
But Maru lofted a brow at his colleague with a gentle smile. "My sister, weren't you saying just before Ash came that you couldn't fathom why we were letting a Tawtute woman do our work for us, and that we could, in your own words, 'bloody well take care of this ourselves'? She has an interesting angle on it, but she is clearly inviting us to do just that. It can't hurt; it might help; and at least we'd be doing something."
Ali'ite looked thoughtful, her ears turning this way and that as she listened to the various lines of reasoning. "Out of the mouths of babes..." she mused finally.
-
Ka'hi sighed and closed her eyes. The young Tsahik wasn't completely happy with the idea. Although she knew that the idea of going there, all of them, giving the Great Mother all their strength and encouragement the same way Eywa had given them Her Blessing, might be the drop that filled the cup in Pandora's favour, her gut feeling wasn't in it yet. Still, she nodded to Maru's words. "She has a point there, sister," she told 'Ohana. "As much as I'm still doubtful myself."
Now one of the oldest Tsahiks raised her head. Her face was already haggard, her eyes sunken in, and her formerly thick black hair had several streaks of grey and white...but still her eyes looked alert and aware. "From the mouths of babes...true words are spoken." She chuckled a bit. "Some people say that when we get old we get back to being 'evi again...and seems there's truth in that too. Because I think that this Dreamwalker-Awake child might have brought us a message we should think about - and maybe not think too long." She chuckled again. "It's not that I have much time left, and I'd like to see this world healing again before I send my spirit to Eywa."
Ni'ka had listened quietly during the last exchanges, mulling over the words that had been spoken; now she looked up, turning to Ali'ite. "If this really is a place for broken people - and if my sister says so, it's true..." She shifted slightly. "I... I..." She stopped, hesitating.
"You want to join us?" Ka'hi asked curiously. The former Changed one had gained her respect by now.
Ni'ka nodded shyly. "For so many reasons," she whispered. "To help; to fight the Red. But also maybe for...peace? For purification? This place sounds so peaceful; maybe I could learn to forgive myself there, for all the things I might have done."
-
The Tsahiks exchanged glances at Ash's and Ni'ka's proposals, their faces noncommittal.
At length Ali'ite stood up, giving Ash one last pat on the shoulder, then turned to both petitioners. "You two have given us much to consider," she said. "I don't think we can or should decide this right here and right now. Perhaps while we discuss things, you two would like to visit such of your friends as still remain here? Ash, I know a certain Sky warrior in particular has been asking about you...Andy, isn't it? And by the look of her, I think another small meal might do 'Sprout' some good." She smiled gently, even affectionately, so that even Ash, high-strung as she was, didn't feel like she was being dismissed.
"I'll do that, Tsahik," she said with a small bow and a smile of her own. But even as she turned to leave, she heard Ali'ite's bemused voice saying of Enya, "I have got to meet that girl..."
-:-
-
As they walked away from the Tsahiks' meeting, Ni'ka felt a slight growl in her stomach at the mention of food - she'd better find herself something to eat too, she decided. But apart from that...
She turned to Ash. "I wonder if Waytelem is at Hometree? Or Ngatapa?" she asked. Most of the few friends she had made so far were at either the shack complex or the refugee camp, but she'd like to meet those two again, maybe even find out how the Blessing had turned out for them. Then slight mischief made her eyes twinkle. "And who knows? I might pay Andy a visit too; he knows me already, after all."
-
"Are you sure about that?" Ash teased. "I think the most he saw of you were your pointy bits...and then Waytelem showed up!" Her eyes took in what she could see of the Commons as she reoriented herself. "But, yes...we really should look in on him. He was in the same ward as me; he should still be there if they haven't moved him..."
She walked towards the fighters' training-ground, knowing she could always pick up a food-wrap there by Waytelem's log bench before seeking out the healers.
-
Ni'ka grinned, showing some of her "pointy bits". "If the next thing he saw was Waytelem, he'll probably think of me as a soft, mellow person," she teased back, glad that Ash was a bit more light-spirited now; the discussion with the Tsahiks had been deep and emotional. "But yes, I also think we should have a look at him. He might have started out on the wrong side of this fight, but he seemed the more open-minded of those two Sky warriors from the start. And after being left behind by his 'friend'..." Ni'ka hissed, not so much because she felt deep love and affection for Andy, but because for a Na'vi warrior such behaviour was just unthinkable. "Maybe that opened his eyes even more."
They strolled towards the training grounds. Ni'ka soon realized that, while Hometree as a whole was much more empty than before, a whole lot of the hunters and warriors had stayed behind; the place wasn't as crowded as before, but there were still a good number of young and not so young Na'vi practicing their skills with their bows, spears or in hand-to-hand combat.
"If neither Waytelem or Ngatapa are there" - Ni'ka couldn't spot either of them at first glance - "they've found someone to fill in great for them."
-
"I heard about Waytelem's little 'visit'," said Ash with a smirk. "Rick said that once he picks up Reese's trail, the man's as good as dead... What was Reese thinking?? Not about ditching his buddy so much; I know now that he wouldn't care about that--but just how long did he think he was going to last in the wilderness with a new body that he hasn't figured out yet? Heck, I'm still getting the hang of this one..." And it was true; for all that had happened, it was easy to forget that Ash had only been a driver for a few weeks, all of them spent on the run.
She didn't see either of the senior warriors either; but the cooks were attentive as always, keeping various wraps and soups warm on a flat pile of stones they'd built near the log bench after bringing them from the firepit.
-
"If you ask me, thinking wasn't exactly his stong point," Ni'ka snorted, remembering the stubborn Sky warrior. "He was too busy being a skxawng and insulting the people who were trying to save his sorry txim. For me he's dead already, no matter if it will be Waytelem, a group of Changed ones or a pack of viperwolves that will do it."
-
A burly fire-tender, the one to whom Atreyu had voiced his suspicions of the Dreamwalkers way back when, regarded the two women warily before deciding to approach and take the measure of things for himself. "Oel ngati kameie, Ni'ka Taronyu," he said to the dark huntress; *she* at least had proven herself to be of some use to the Clan.
Ash sighed; apparently this was her day to be treated like part of the wall...which, come to think of it, was an improvement over the encounter that had ended with the scar on her Avatar's cheek.
-
Ni'ka turned to the approaching fire-tender now, eartips and tail slightly twitching at the appetizing scents drifting over from the fire place. "Oel ngati kameie, tsmukan," she greeted back with a smile, happy to be recognized not as the former Changed one but as a member, a hunter of the Clan. Of course she noticed that the man ignored Ash, but decided to let it go. "I see that the firepit burns as bright as always," she said, complementing his work, but by now her nose was twitching too. "Say - do you think the cooks would have two food wraps for us? We've been talking to the Tsahiks all morning, and that's hungry business."
-
"Tsumkwe, actually," the tender corrected, indicating himself with a lopsided grin; he had always gotten a kick out of how closely his name resembled 'brother'. "And the wraps are on that little grill over there, along with Waykando's best attempt at sweet-broth. The cooks' Elder he might be, but he's no Kenten!"
Then he took Ni'ka aside a little ways. "Would it be all right if we discussed some things without your friend in the audience? I know she's supposed to be our savior and that we're all expected to eat out of her hands, but those things--those fake bodies of theirs--give me the creeps..."
Ash, unaware of what his specific objection to her presence might be, just took a wrap and seated herself on the fighters' log, letting her mind drift as she watched the warriors sparring with staves.
-
Ni'ka took a breath. "We can talk without Ash, sure, if she makes you feel uncomfortable. But don't think of the Dreamwalkers as 'fake bodies', ever. Enya's a Dreamwalker too, a Dreamwalker-Awake, and there's nothing fake in her. She's just as much one of Eywa's 'evi as you and me. And she's my little baby sister I love as if we were actually born to the same Sa'nok."
She let out the breath again and took one of the wraps herself, smiling again. "So - what's happened at Hometree lately?" she asked, really curious. "The Blessing - you felt it too?"
-
Tsumkwe lofted a brow. "Someday, maybe soon, someone is going to tell me who or what is an Enya and how on Eywa's bosom a Dreamwalker body can be 'awake' when its owner isn't using it." He didn't sound hostile, per se; just annoyed that he'd been left out of the loop on this purported phenomenon as in so many other things. "I've told you, the damn things give me the creeps. If you've found one with a soul that any normal person can See, I'll be happy to keep its nook warm until its master comes for it again. But if you mean to say that now they've started sitting up on their own and joining people for breakfast, I'd advise you to keep a *very* close eye on them; for as sure as the Skyfolk are deceivers, whoever made the new versions is just looking for a better way to get our guard down." He took a seat, double-checking that Ash was minding her own business. "So much for that," he said, blowing out a sigh. "But you want to know what's been happening here..."
He gestured around the Commons. "I don't guess I have to tell you that the Clan's in a bad way. Your family was the first to clear out of here, Olo'eyktan's orders, and it took a while before anyone else left of their own free will...Atreyu said they were probably just waiting for someone else to be first. But once he came back with news from the first refugee party, people started evacuating in clumps... At the moment we're running a skeleton crew. The warriors; the hunters; the gatherers; the cooks; the healers; the Elders; the Tsahiks and Olo'eyktans, and only enough people in each craft to keep the rest of us plus the guests fed, clothed, housed and defended.
"And why have they trickled away, you might ask? I'll tell you: It was that damned meeting. You know, the one where Waytelem proposed the evacuation in the first place... It was just Ra'nah and the Elders in there, but we all heard what happened: instead of deciding it one way or the other, the Olo'eyktan left it up to each family. Waytelem was pretty upset about the lack of leadership, and he wasn't the only one; you know Atreyu's had his misgivings, and he was attracting listeners...
"But what came out afterwards was that Ra'nah had a bit of a breakdown that night. That he looked just as lost as everybody else, and that's why he ended up tossing up his hands and leaving it to fate and the Four Winds. Cost him the chieftainship right there; shouldn't the whole point of having a chief be so that us plain folk don't have to sweat the big stuff?
"A lot of hurt feelings followed that no-decision, and it was the beginning of the breakup. Oh, the arguments within families, within crafters' guilds, within hunt-parties, echoing up and down the spiral for days! But that's what happens when you make it 'every man for himself'. It was like storms battering a mountain, wearing away all the softer rock so that only a pillar of granite remains. Ra'nah's just 'Ra'nah', now, a broken old man who lost it all betting on your friend. The Elders are running things. Waytelem's on some mission, and to the extent we have a headman at all it's because we're borrowing one from some other Clan." He crooked a grin in spite of himself: "Oh, the Elders asked Ngatapa first, but he wouldn't have anything to do with it; said there wouldn't be enough fighting for him, and that he already has a fancy cloak!"
Then his face fell again; all bluster gone, his voice was heavy with disillusionment. "I don't think we're a Clan anymore, Ni'ka," he said quietly. "I think we're just seeds rattling around in a dry pod, waiting for the world or the Tawtute to shake the rest of us out and be done with us..."
-
Whatever might have been left of Ni'ka's bristling was gone after Tsumkwe was finished. She knew that things hadn't been all shiny rainbows at Hometree in recent days, but not that the Clan seemed to be literally falling apart. The very Clan and the Olo'eyktan that had been so ready to accept her, give her a new chance as one of the People - "Ni'ka of the Tompa'tanhi", something she was so proud of...
So the first thing she did was put a hand on Tsumkwe's shoulder. "That's not good news," she said. "Not about the Clan, and not about Ra'nah... Even if making tough decisions in a situation like that might have been too much for him, he's been good to me and my heart gets heavy hearing this news." She sighed and looked around. "I've already noticed that this place is more empty than it has been before, even if the number of visits I had downstairs wasn't too big. It just feels wrong without the crafting nooks being busy and 'evi running around. And yes, I can imagine this having been a hard time for everyone - an Olo'eyktan should lead their Clan in times of sorrow like these and not leave things up to the people, fighting over what to do." She bit her lip. "But that's easy to say when you're not wearing his cloak... Personally, I would have gone with Waytelem's idea, but I'm just a huntress with no more responsibility than anyone has in the Clan." Then a faint smile crossed her face. "I would have liked to be there when the Elders asked Ngatapa - I can almost hear him saying that! It's going to be interesting when Waytelem comes back." In the back of her mind she decided to look out for Ra'nah too. He had given her so much just by accepting her into the Clan; maybe now she could give back something? Even if it might be nothing more than affection?
"The trickling out, though - we kind of noticed that," she continued. "A friend and I ran into Atreyu and his pongu just this morning. They were leading another group of refugees towards the safer camp, and they said it wasn't the first group they've led there. You know, he and I, we had our differences at first; I don't share some of his opinions. But I'm glad that he and those families will be our neighbours for a while." Then determination shone in her eyes. "And it will only be for a while! I'm not giving up on anything - we might feel sad and cut off at the moment, but we're so much more than just seeds in a pod, waiting for the world to end. There's still fight left in us. Haven't you felt the Great Mother touching us? She's fighting up there against the Red, and She isn't ready to accept defeat yet. That's what we should do too - She needs our strength and our faith!"
She took a bite from her food wrap, chewing and swallowing it. When her mouth was empty again, the flashing in her eyes had mellowed again. "And now let me tell you a bit about my sister... It's true, Enya hasn't been down to the Commons very often. At first she wasn't able to, and by the time she started mending the family was leaving already, so probably most people here haven't seen much of her. No - she isn't a new kind, made to deceive anyone. She's got her very own spirit, and Eywa smiled at her right from the start, protecting the flame of that spirit when it was fighting to Be. There's not an ounce of anything bad in Enya. Just the way she was born was a bit different from any other 'evi. And of course her body is already fully grown - but her spirit? It's that of a child. A loving, fierce, playful child, and the best baby sister anyone could ask for."
-
"Ra'nah's been good to us all for a long time," Tsumkwe said quietly. "It's only when he started mixing it up with the Dreamwalkers that we had any reason to question his wisdom. First the one woman--Mey, wasn't it?--in and out of here all the time, picking our brains, sharing our meals, examining our possessions; she didn't want to miss a stitch of anything we did, said or used as a People. The Olo'eyktan was besotted with the idea of our Clan being the focus of her studies. Some people can't handle celebrity, I suppose... So of course he threw our lives wide open for her--sent her to people who could tell her our stories, teach her our dances, and take her to our sacred places, all in the name of letting the Skyfolk know as much about us as it was possible for her to relay to them. Well, we see how that worked out..." He waved a dismissive hand. "Na, she was only doing what she came here to do," he relented. "But it never occurred to her to ask what her higher-ups wanted with the information.
"And that's the thing; that's what Atreyu was saying, and that's the problem a lot of us have with the Uniltiranyu. They're naïve, and they're bad luck. They always seem to show up just before or right after some disaster, and it's always the same thing: they just want to help; they just want to be our friends. But let me tell you, ma'tsmuke: By the time the Skyfolk have noticed your Clan enough to send a Dreamwalker, you're already screwed, because they've already got plans. They send the Dreamwalkers to soften us up so that when their eyktans move in for what they want, we'll already be in the habit of nodding and smiling and giving it to them. The Dreamwalkers themselves might even be sincere, but they never seem to figure out that they're being used in this way. As long as they have something to put in their 'notes', they don't give much thought to the consequences. The only difference with your buddy over there is that she stuck around long enough to see what a mess she and her karyu made. And our Olo'eyktan? --Reckon he found out the hard way that leading the Clan and being too trusting with strangers are a bad combination." His voice towards the end carried a tone of regret.
But as he listened to Ni'ka's story about Enya, he couldn't help a little half-smile. "Mind you, I don't know what to make of that," he said good-naturedly, "but if I understand it right, it sounds like at least *one* of them got away from whatever it is the Skyfolk do to make puppets out of them. Good to know; good to know..."
He stooped to pick up another basket of stones to warm in the nearest firepit. As he was leaving, he turned back to the huntress and said "One thing about the emptiness here...we don't need nearly as many fires..." Then he shrugged, settled his burden more firmly on his shoulders and walked away.
-
For a while Ni'ka just looked after Tsumkwe, musing over his words. She slowly realized that he must have had completely different experiences with Dreamwalkers than she had. With her Clan living too far away to be much bothered by any science expeditions or by the Sky War, Dreamwalkers had been something she had heard of at the fireplace, nothing more. The first Dreamwalker Ni'ka had ever met had been Ash, helping the frightened Changed one to somehow sort out what had become of her. The second one had been Enya - loving, kind-hearted, caring, spirited and playful Enya... And the third Dreamwalker in her life had been Brenda. To call Brenda 'naïve' was something that wouldn't have occured to the huntress in her wildest dreams. Oh, and of course there was the one Dreamwalker she had heard of from the Lorekeepers, the one who became Toruk Makto in the end and helped kick the Tawtute out the first time. None of those fit the bitter description Tsumkwe had just given.
But obviously things must have been different for the Tompa'tanhi Clan. Or at least they must have seemed different to Tsumkwe and his friends. Now, that was something Ni'ka could accept - different people had different experiences. What made her sad was what the fire-tender had made out of it all, the air of resignation and hopelessness coming from him. Yes, times were dire and bad, but resignation had never been an option for her. She also wondered if maybe the Blessing hadn't given Tsumkwe at least a little bit of hope, as it had done for the people at the human camp, but she considered it too nosy and impolite to run after the man and ask.
So she just walked over to where Ash was sitting, probably musing about her own observations, and quietly finished her food wrap.
"Waytelem is out on some expedition," she told her friend, "and Tsumkwe didn't know where Ngatapa was... Should we go find Andy now? Or mabe find, um, Ra'nah?"
-
Ash looked up as Ni'ka settled next to her. "The Olo'eyktan?" she asked. "Yes, I need to see him; him above all, besides the Tsahiks. There's a lot I need to tell him about what we've been up to; things he got the basics of from Rick, I'm sure, but something tells me that right now the Clan is more interested in the 'look and feel'. 'Ohana's dead right, Ni'ka--I've missed reporting the really important things. How could I not mention that the lights were still on?" Those could have been any lights, anywhere, but that was as much as she thought she could say about the Heart in a public place like this.
She dusted the crumbs of her food wrap into the palm of her hand and stood up to cast them back into the fire they came from; just another thing coming full circle. "And besides...who the heck else can revoke that bloody oath, now that everybody and their little sister knows the secret back at the station? And I do mean that literally," she ended with a wink and a grin.
-
Ni'ka winked back. "Especially as it's the little sister who told the most people about it," she said, deep affection in her voice. Then she grew serious. "Ash...yes, we should visit Ra'nah and tell him all about it, but..." She hesitated for a moment, but then decided that Ash needed to know before the meeting. "He isn't Olo'eyktan anymore," she said, ears suddenly drooping for a moment. "The fire-tender just told me about it - when he left it up to the Clan members to decide for themselves, it kind of broke the Clan apart. Tsumkwe said it was all too much for Ra'nah." She looked down. "That isn't good news. Not for the Clan and not for Ra'nah... I owe him much for accepting me in the Clan that way."
-
If Ash had thought the rest of the morning was going to be a pleasant stroll around Hometree getting caught up with old friends, that illusion exploded into fine glass mist the moment Ni'ka gave her those grave tidings. Wide-eyed, she put her hands to her mouth with a shaky little "Ohh...", then turned her head away so that no one could see the beginnings of tears; crying in front of the Tsahiks was one thing, and that had been hard enough, but she was not going to be weak in the Commons.
Still, she couldn't help the dismay in her voice when she said "Oh, Ni'ka... And you remember how fiercely I defended his decision to Ngatapa and the others at the cabin at the time? This is my fault, all of it! If I'd only ever given the Clan enough hopeful news to run on, they might have survived this! But no, I had nothing better to do than cop an attitude with the pongu, the healers, everybody else I've touched here... Me and my pride!!"
-
Ni'ka shook her head. She realized that this was much similar to what had happened in the discussion with the Tsahiks - Ash taking responsibility for things she couldn't have changed.
"No, Ash," she said. "You couldn't bring any other news than you did; it was the right thing to give the Clan the warning, it was your task as an ally of the Tompa'tanhi. And it should have been the Olo'eyktan's task to make a decision out of the information he had. That you defended his words against Ngatapa and Atreyu means nothing except that you are loyal to him." She sighed. "And maybe that your People decide things differently than our People do." Without hesitation this time, she included herself as one of the People; no matter what had changed her, the way a Clan was led was still deeply ingrained in Ni'ka's mind. "In times of need we need a strong leader that decides what's best for the Clan - together with the Elders and the Tsahik, sure, but the Clan leaders are the ones who lead the way. What happened is not your fault." A faint smile appeared on her face. "The People can make their own mistakes."
-
"Ni'ka, you were there when I did that; don't tell me you don't get it!" Ash fumed. "I stood right there in front of people who do know how a Clan works and said 'What the heck else did you expect him to do??' How can anyone think I was more loyal to Ra'nah that night than Ngatapa was? Or Waytelem? I was there when he explained Ngatapa's plan to the Olo'eyktan before the meeting... And all he got for it was Ra'nah leaving both of them high and dry. How didn't I see that before I shot off my mouth? Waytelem stuck his neck out on that one, got his head cut off, and I'll count myself blessed if he ever speaks to me again. No wonder he's taken himself elsewhere! Ohh, I hate me sometimes..."
But at Ni'ka's quip, even she had to quirk a half-smile. "Your own mistakes, hmm? All I've been hearing from the Na'vi is how they don't need me to 'mommy' them, that they can fight their own battles; good to know that they don't need my help *screwing up* either. C'mon, let's go find Ra'nah..." Her face fell again. "Gods, what am I even going to say to him?"
-
"I don't know," Ni'ka admitted; she felt a bit helpless about that too. "I have no idea what to say... Guess our hearts will have to help us when we get there."
As they walked towards Ra'nah's nook, she mused over Ash's other words. "I don't think one of you was more loyal than the other that day," she finally said, but her voice didn't sound very sure; more as if she was trying to make her way through it herself. "Waytelem and Ngatapa tried to help him make a decision, and you tried to understand and explain the decision he did make."
-
"I shot off my mouth about things I didn't understand and that weren't my business," Ash replied bitterly. "Same as I have about childrearing and freezing plants and a lot of other things. I've never taken the time to learn what works for these people. No, I've just bludgeoned them over the head with what works for human beings. That goes for leadership, too. On our world, we fancy ourselves to be above all that; we say things like 'That government is best which governs least.' We don't like being told what to do; we'd rather decide that for ourselves. So the idea of anybody taking orders from commanders or kings goes against our grain, and people like Rick who submit themselves to that are considered a little weird and maybe defective. How many traditional societies have we ruined with those ideas? When's the last time my People looked up to someone, respected someone, enough to seek their guidance? I've been studying other cultures all my life, but I've never taken the trouble to imagine what it was like to be them. Me and this world are gonna pay and pay and pay for that..." She shook her head. "No wonder Atreyu's party hates me. They Saw what a disaster this was going to be, and I just blew them off..."
-
Again Ni'ka had to shake her head. "Atreyu's party doesn't hate you... Atreyu distrusts all Dreamwalkers, that's true. But Kenten doesn't hate you, Renu and Meuia don't hate you either... Yes, maybe you tried too much of what works for your People, and that probably annoyed people - but there's a difference between being annoyed and hating someone." She sighed. "It can't be helped now, and feeling guilty about it won't make things better."
-
"Oops...failed to explain," said Ash. "When I said 'Atreyu's party', I didn't mean the pongu. More like his 'faction', I guess; a group of people who feel the same way he does about how the Clan's being run. He's had one for a while; the day Rick first brought you here, 'Iheyu laid into them for talking rot about the Olo'eyktan, and he's only become more set in his opinions since. I know the fire-tender you talked to was part of his group; he's the one who kept Atreyu from provoking her even further. You see, she'd already threatened to beat him blind..." She smirked at the memory.
They arrived at Ra'nah's chamber, only to be told by a warrior that he wasn't there; indeed, that they seldom saw him in the Commons anymore, and that he was most likely in the care of a healer. "And he's not what he was," the sentinel said sadly. "In fact, he might be a good candidate for your little Dreamwalker's magic..." Thanks to Tiye, few people by now had not heard of Enya's skill with the helpless.
-
"What?" Ni'ka blurted, her thoughts about the alliance immediately forgotten. "What happened? Is he at the healers' ward now?" Her ears were perked up and her tail swished in worry. "Quick, let's go there..."
-
All hint of Ash's smile vanished at the sentinel's description of his former chieftain, and it didn't get any better as the warrior continued. "I believe he's in the downstairs ward," he said. "I don't see how they could have gotten him up to the aerie, even though he begged them to. I think he might have wanted to fly away and never be seen again... But he was in no condition to do it. He was bedridden until a few days ago, and he doesn't say much; and when he does, it's like talking to a very young child, one who needs soft voices and gentle touch. He might or might not want to see anyone; the healers will have a better idea of whether he's up to having visitors."
Ash considered. Had Ra'nah suffered some kind of mental breakdown? A human might have, under that much stress... She thanked the fighter and set her course for the ward--Tiye's ward, and she knew yet again that she was very likely to be reminded of her own frailties.
-
Ni'ka had nodded to Ash's explanation about Atreyu's opinions and the people listening to him - well, in the meantime the stubborn hunter had met Brenda, and maybe that had shaken up his mind a bit. But none of that was important anymore when the sentinel continued describing the former Olo'eyktan's condition.
"Oh Eywa," she breathed, concern shining brightly in her eyes. "How could this happen in just a few days?" The last she had seen of Ra'nah was a man who was deeply worried about his People, but still healthy and strong. She felt a tear trickle down her cheek, but ignored it; instead she just picked up speed, hurrying along towards the healer's ward.
When she and Ash reached the place it was clear to see that it, too, was less crowded than it had been before. Many of the injured or sick Clan members, the ones who were strong enough to be moved, had been evacuated, moved to other, hopefully safer places. But there were still patients being tended to.
Ni'ka looked around, hoping to spot a familiar face, someone they could ask.
-
"Ni'ka, the meeting was almost ten days ago," Ash told her. "A lot of things can happen to someone's health in that much time...especially if they were near the breaking point to begin with. I'm going to keep my mouth shut about Sky People practices unless asked, but we have a lot of broken people on our world..." Then she gasped; her hands flew up to her mouth and she looked even more anguished. "Oh, my God...and I was sitting next to his mate all morning and I never even asked about him!! What kind of person *am* I??" And this time she did break into tears.
-
"Me neither," Ni'ka sighed, thinking about Ali'ite, wondering what the Tsahik was going through now. Even if they were Tsahik and former Olo'eyktan, even if responsibility for the Clan had always been part of their life, they had also been mates for decades already. Ali'ite had to be sick with worry, and still she hadn't shown it. "Somehow it wasn't the right time and place for it."
-
"I think...I think Ali'ite was focused on my need, not her own," Ash surmised. "You know, setting her own troubles aside and thinking only of the person in front of her? Tangek says the healers do that all the time, which is why when it gets to him, he feels he has to take off for a while... I've driven him to that at the compound, haven't I? More ill-considered words... But listen to me feeling sorry for myself. If the Tsahik of the Tompa'tanhi doesn't want to talk about what's bothering her, it's not my place to insist... But I could have asked."
Perhaps fortunately for Ash's composure, Tiye was not on duty this morning; and thinking about it, the Dreamwalker ventured a guess that this particular patient would likely not have been assigned to anyone but the healers' Elder herself. And while *that* woman was a force to be reckoned with in her own right, she had her own brand of compassion; it was she who had finally allowed Tsanten to be treated at Hometree.
But Ash and Ni'ka weren't greeted by the Elder, either; only by Havi, the male healer who had attended Ash's surgery. "Oel ngati kameie," he said kindly to the pair, noting the Dreamwalker's still tear-streaked face. "If you seek the Olo'eyktan, he's not here; but if you've come to see Ra'nah, I can tell him you're coming..."
-
Ni'ka looked at Havi. "We're looking for a friend," she said softly; she wasn't crying, but her voice was shaky. "We just heard the news... Do you think he'd want to see us?"
-
"I think much will depend on what sort of things you have to say to him," Havi replied. "He's been asking for you; but he's been asking for other things that are bad for his health, so ask yourselves whether your visit is going to lessen his burden or increase it."
"We have hopeful news," Ash said. "And we'd like to hear yours, too; I think we all could use some lightening of the heart."
"In that case, I'll be back in a bit. He's in his family quarters, you see, not here; the man needs his privacy." And the healer ducked through a bead curtain and made his way up the spiral.
-
For a moment Ni'ka looked after Havi, wondering if Ra'nah would want to see them or not. "We should tell him about the Blessing," she said. "I'm sure he'd like to hear about Enya and Tsanten; they are signs of hope, and they'll show him that he has done right to offer them a home. Or about Kenten laughing again." She smiled a bit. "That warrior down there might have been right - if this is about lightening someone's heart, having Enya around would help too; somehow she feels what a sore heart needs."
-
"We shall certainly tell him about the Blessing, and ask him how it went here," Ash agreed. "You and Tsanten especially are the miracle stories; imagine Eywa pouring Herself all over two Changed ones! And I'm sure he'll be delighted to hear about Enya's trip to the Heart. I'm not sure we should flat-out ask him about the oath, though. And we're gonna leave the subject of our next trip up to the Tsahiks. This probably isn't the best time to ask him to decide anything... But Enya's story might bring his thoughts about the oath out anyway; we'll see how he reacts."
She pondered some more, her enthusiasm building. "And we'll tell him how Na'vie and the cave are doing; and tell him about Brenda and her message; and, well, I don't know how much else he'll have the energy for, but we'll make a good bedtime story at least!"
-
"Let's start with the small things first," Ni'ka suggested, a part of her feeling a bit awkward at the thought of being part of a miracle story when she still hadn't completely sorted herself out yet. It made her smile a bit, thinking about how she had listened to all the stories and songs from the Lorekeepers, wondering how the people in them might have felt. "Yes, Enya's trip to the Heart should be a good story - especially the part where she and Na'vie were playing in the caves and the pool."
She wrapped her arms around herself, rubbing them. "And let's see how he is, at first... I still can't imagine him being as weak as they all say." The anxiety was a solid knot in her stomach by now, although she was dead set not to show it.
-
"Umm, actually, since we don't know how much time we'll have with him, I think we should tell him the most important things first..." said Ash. "You know, so that if we leave before we get a chance to see him again, he'll at least know that the biggest things have gone right?" Then she looked down, blushing a little. "Only...I'm gonna need your help picking what's important, 'k? Because I haven't done a very good job of telling people what they really need to know in their souls to have hope."
-
Ni'ka swallowed. "I'm not sure if I'm the best in picking either," she admitted. "It's easy when it's about reporting on a herd of Talioang I've spotted, but these things?"
She went through the options, then nodded finally. "I think, we should start with the Heart first - that Na'vie is alright and even playful and the Heart is still alive." Again she regretted that Enya wasn't there, who could describe the place so colourfully. "And then tell about how Tsanten got blessed." She smiled shyly. "They didn't say that Ra'nah's eyes weren't sharp anymore, so maybe he'll notice my tanhi?"
-
When Havi stepped back through the bead-curtain, he was wearing what looked like an affectionate smile. "He's actually feeling a lot better today; his eyes lit up when he heard you were here," he said.
-:-
The Olo'eyktan's private quarters were neither as large nor as fancy as Ash expected. For the number of people who would usually be in it at a time, it was nearly as cozy as Enya's alcove; indeed, it seemed to be three or four such alcoves strung together. There were comfortable mats to sit on, a small firepit, a large guest-hammock in one chamber and several hanging-beds. There were toys here for the youngest; craftworks he'd received as gifts; and little things here and there, with textures of wood and stone, fabric and ivory for those who liked to explore with their hands. What personal mementoes there were tended to be small or simple things of sentimental value, some of them very old and plainly much-loved.
Ash could imagine raising a family here; she could imagine having a few friends over to share the fire; she could imagine unwinding after a stressful day. There were no trophies of war or the chase here, nothing to indicate high rank or the need to impress. The Clan leader had the Great Room and the Commons for that. Up here, he was just Ra'nah--mate to Ali'ite, father of seven, grandfather of twelve, great-grandfather of seventeen, all of whom had taken a turn at rumpling the place just enough to make it feel lived-in.
Ra'nah was sitting cross-legged not too far from the fire, tended by a healer who was handing him one knick-knack at a time and asking what the story was behind it. "Good idea, Eyaye," Havi smiled; then, to the former Clan leader, he said "I've always wanted to hear some of those stories."
"I've always wanted to tell them," said Ra'nah carefully, as if assembling the words was an effort for him. Ash noted that one corner of his shaky smile was a little higher than the other; that one hand shook as he took each object, and the other one didn't; that his eyes were a little unfocused; and that sometimes he wavered sitting up, and had to be braced by the healer for a moment before his sense of balance kicked in again.
Then, before she could reel off a formal greeting, he spotted her and Ni'ka and his eyes lit up. "Welcome...welcome!" he said with all the enthusiasm of a child whose best friend had just shown up for his birthday party after all.
"I feel welcomed," Ash replied, smiling and bowing her head before seating herself at his invitation. She made herself think of his coherence, of his obvious attention to people and his surroundings, and of the memory exercise Eyaye was coaxing him through...anything else besides the strong suspicion that the old Olo'eyktan had suffered a stroke.
"You are welcome," he repeated. "But I've been telling stories all morning. Have either of you got one for me? 'Old-Bones' is tiring, you see, and there are others to do the work." He mock-glared at Eyaye, jaw set and ears tipped back, looking for all the world like Tsanten copping an attitude; then he reached for the bowl of Angtsik stew that rested to one side of him, whereupon Havi knelt next to him and steadied his hands.
-
"I feel welcomed too," Ni'ka smiled and sat down besides Ash, then made the traditional, formal greeting gesture. "I See you, Ra'nah," she said.
And indeed she did. Her keen hunter eyes and her heart Saw the warm and welcoming atmosphere of the nook, that it was a place for a family, for people who loved and cared for each other, who lived the life of the People. She Saw the ages of love and life that had seeped into the walls of the nooks as well as the precious belongings in there... The way this nook looked spoke volumes about the people Ra'nah and Ali'ite were. Not the Olo'eyktan and the Tsahik, but just simply Ra'nah and Ali'ite, the couple, the parents, the grandparents, the oldest members of this family.
She also Saw the little signs which told her about Ra'nah's breakdown; the slight asymmetry in his face and movements and his problems with balance and finer movements. But they didn't matter, because she also Saw the warmth of the welcome, the light in Ra'nah's eyes and the enthusiasm he showed about his visitors.
So she chuckled. "I've seen this expression lately," she said with a wink, "from a certain Lorekeeper when he disagrees with the healers mothering him too much... And that's part of one of the stories we could tell you today. And as long as you're talking about 'Old Bones', the one who called you that is part of this and another of our stories, and they're all good ones."
She slightly tilted her head and smiled. "Maybe that's the one we should start with. The one about my not-so-little-sister and her visit to a place she calls 'the Pretty Place', where she talked and laughed and played with a certain 'Blue Lady'. Can you imagine? Enya gave her back how it feels to be a carefree child again."
-
Ash had to laugh at the torrent of words that tumbled out of Ni'ka's mouth. It seemed that neither of them quite knew where to begin! But she couldn't leave the huntress to tell the tales all by herself, so...
"We have indeed been blessed, revered one," she began. "And in a little while we're going to bug you to tell your story too. You Have Been Warned! But we'll probably babble long enough that you'll be begging for your turn." She winked, then went on:
"But our Blessing didn't begin the other night. No, it was our little friend Enya who kicked things off... She went dreamwalking, you see, and in her soul she visited the Heart." She thought she should spare Ra'nah the distressing details of just how Enya had come to the point where she had nearly given up her hard-won consciousness. "You know she's been sad; well, Na'vie's been sad too, even though she has visitors sometimes and already has most of the pieces of the crystal--I'm going to pretend you've heard about me and Rick's last expedition too."
"Indeed," Ra'nah nodded. "And Rick spoke to me of Enya's troubles. But say on; I take it neither of them is sad anymore? I've always felt compassion for the First Child being down there all alone for so long, cut off from the People..."
"And I as well," Ash concurred. "But I don't think Na'vie is *as* sad anymore, and Enya isn't sad at all." She thought for a moment, then quietly added "Let me back up even a little further: Na'vie seems well but weary; the blue Loreyu flowers still lead the way; I found the water in the cavern to be cold, but when Enya went, it was warm, so something's gone right since my last visit. The crystals of the cave still glow and grow thickly on the walls, and they are strong enough for an adult-sized child to do chin-ups. And whatever went on down there between Enya and Na'vie, it seems to have been good for Na'vie's morale. I think between Enya's actions and ours, we might have finally made a positive difference... If nothing else, Na'vie now Sees her home in a new light, through the eyes of another child who'd never been there before and never known it as a prison."
-
"They were swimming in the pool," Ni'ka added, smiling, the outflow of her words becoming calmer and more steady. She too didn't mention the fact of why Enya's spirit went to the Heart in the first place - this was about telling happy stories, after all. "And I think Enya once mentioned something about a splashing battle. They were talking, having a heart-to-heart... From all that Enya told us, I think they kind of became friends there. And that makes me happy, because I just can't imagine how alone Na'vie must have been. Enya must have been like a ray of sunlight there. I've never been in that place, besides listening to Enya telling about it, but it must be beautiful..."
She hesitated. "Actually, I think it was a real ray of sunlight, 'cause for the next few days it wasn't as cold and the clouds weren't as dark as the days before. That, and that Ash and Rick brought back the crystal shards... Yes, Ash is right; the Blessing started before the other night." The smile turned into an impish smirk. "I like to think it all might have sent up some ray of hope to the Great Mother, giving Her the strength to kick some txim up there."
-
Ash nodded and smiled, then sat up a little as another thought struck her. "There was something else about Enya's visit, too...Na'vie seems to have given her a few prophecies. Small ones, the kind you'd entrust to a very young mind and a soul that, on the First Daughter's scale, was born just yesterday... Enya doesn't actually remember them as foretellings; it's more a matter of recognising what they are when they begin to happen. Tsanten, for example; he woke up the day after her dreamwalk with an itch at the root of his queue, and she told him that's because he was growing a new one. And up on your Iknimaya mountain she found a cave that she's sure holds a story-stone for him to find... Things like that. She also chewed me out good and proper about the way I talk to her, telling her and anyone who'll listen how unique she is. I had no idea how much her onlyness was bothering her; she said every time I mentioned it, it made her feel like she wasn't supposed to exist..."
"A child's deepest need is to belong," Ra'nah said gently. "But this one is not so 'only'. I hope Ngatapa's told her the story of Toruk Makto by now; he said he was going to... While Sully came to it by different means, he got the same result. She's not the only Dreamwalker-Awake there ever was, and she's in some fairly distinguished company."
"It never occurred to me to look at him that way," Ash admitted. "It never occurred to me to look at Dreamwalkers the way she does at all. And it never occurred to me to ask her what being one is like; and it never occurred to me to take her seriously when she talked about it without being asked. I've fallen short that way about a lot of things... So for me, the most affecting thing about her dreamwalk was that it made me reconsider how much I've gone through life without thinking."
-
"Maybe it isn't 'not thinking'," Ni'ka said. "You are thinking a lot. It's about finding out what the right things are to think about." She smiled a bit ruefully. "I'm not too sure about those myself all the time."
She beamed at Ra'nah then. "Oh yes, Ngatapa told us the story, and it was great talespeaking he did there. The place I was born is far, far away from here, and our Clan never joined in that fight... But the songs that are sung at our campfires - maybe I don't remember them right anymore or things got lost along the way, but I've never heard the story being told that way. By someone who has been there!" Her eyes were almost as wide as in the moment she had listened to the story, and she blushed a bit. "Ngatapa told that story to more than one eager listening 'evi that night. And Enya, she loved it; she loved it so much, and not only because it's a great tale, but because there's another Dreamwalker-Awake out there...or at least there has been." Nobody had mentioned what had become of Toruk Makto nowadays.
Now she wrapped her arms around her knees and let her head rest upon them, her eyes getting contemplative again. "It was a story of a miracle...and still, when I think about it, there have been so many miracles happening at our camp, big and small ones. Enya being called to the Heart was one of them. Hearing about a place like that, it was..." She looked up at Ra'nah again. "Just hearing about that place, imagining it, it made light shine into places of my spirit I had forgotten about. And then...just a few days later, I could really feel it! The Great Mother still does See me!" Her few, precious tanhi glowed softly at the memory.
-
Ra'nah reached over, traced the small stars on Ni'ka's arm and smiled warmly. "I was waiting for you to realise this," he said kindly. "Enough of the People in this Clan have Seen you, and we only get that ability from our Mother. A mother never loses Sight of her children. You were part of Eywa's body before you were born; how could She *not* See you? I don't think She could have gotten away from you if She'd tried." He chuckled a little. "And Tsanten? Surely he knows that he is loved?"
Ash nodded. "I think since the very first day, the day he awoke to Ni'ka's face and learned that people were still willing to touch him, he has never doubted it," she said sincerely. "And while I've had my disagreements with Tangek, I think he and Enya love Tsanten most of all. Tangek's Gift was merely being there when the Lorekeeper was healed."
"Ahh, Tangek," Ra'nah said. "How *is* he, anyway? I think I knew he and 'Iheyu had a thing going before he did!" He actually flashed an impish grin. "And he has been a wonderful Sempul to her children, Enya especially--I saw them when she came down for her riding lesson."
Ash shifted in place. "I, uhh, haven't been on the best of terms with him, and I'm not sure that's going to change even now that I understand that the things he said that offended me were only the truth. But 'Iheyu talks to me, and she is very concerned that they will not be able to become mates until this is over. She has also mentioned the unnaturalness of life in our camp, as have Kenten and some of the others. They basically have to be a whole Clan all by themselves, and it's really wearing on them...even Enya, who misses this place badly. 'Be much was s'posed to happen for me at Hometree,' she says, meaning lessons and crafting and getting stronger as she climbs, and she is so sad about that..."
"Now, on that subject I have some very good news of my own," the former chieftain said, smiling. "Is it all right if I take an early turn? Because you did say you wanted to know how the Blessing affected me...and it's not something I'm ready to share with just anyone."
-
At those words, Ni'ka's ears perked up. She had listened to Ra'nah's comment about how Eywa still Saw her with a soft, happy smile and moist eyes, deeply touched; now she raised her head. "If this would be good news for my family, we wouldn't mind an early turn," she smiled. "They have given so much to me already; if we could bring them good news it would only be a small thing in return." She looked over to Ash. "Because Ash is right; living there for a longer time is hard for them all."
-
Ash similarly bowed her head. "Honored Elder," she began formally, guessing that he was still considered one, "you hardly need my permission to speak as soon and as long as you wish. I would be more than honored to, as we say, 'yield the floor'." She looked up again and smiled.
"Very well," said Ra'nah, seeming to settle into a more comfortable position. "Everyone here will have their own story of how Eywa's appearance after so long has affected things for them. I cannot tell you those stories, only my own.
"You see me in difficult times," he acknowledged, but his voice was strong and clear. "My Clan is lost, or so it would seem. My life was nearly lost, and I confess that for a while I was hoping someone would come in and finish the job. The night before last delivered me from those thoughts, at least, and the next morning was the first time I've been able to leave my sleeping-mat since after the meeting--you know the one.
"But it is not my body which bears good news for your little group. You see, the Great Mother shared something with me, something I have taken to heart. It is this: I have not lost my Clan, only the leadership of it. The Tompa'tanhi still exist as a cultural and spiritual entity. How, you may ask, when so many have left Hometree, which grows emptier by the day? --The life of the Clan is no longer with me or with Hometree. It is with its outliers. What you two have told me about your group being so tight-knit confirms this, as if I'd doubted it. So does the reported sentiment that they must function as a Clan. This they are doing, both your batch and Atreyu's, whether they know it or not. They are a more cohesive group than we are at Hometree. The unity of the Clan, the persistence of the Clan, the future of the Clan, is not here; it is with them."
He waited for that to sink in, then added with a smile: "If you truly want Enya to have a well-rounded upbringing, I recommend that your two parties find each other and join forces if you can..."
-
It took a few moments for Ra'nah's words to sink in, but then a whole storm of emotions washed over Ni'ka. The first one being relief - relief that the Clan wouldn't be lost, that there was still a future for the Tompa'tanhi. They might go through hard times and get roughed up, but they wouldn't lose themselves as a Clan. The song of the Tompa'tanhi would still be sung when Vrrtep was beaten - and for some reason for Ni'ka that was really a 'when' and not an 'if'. And all this meant that she'd still have a Clan to belong to. She wouldn't lose another home...
"That...that..." She swallowed down the big lump in her throat; but this time it wasn't made of sadness, but of hope and a spark of happiness. "That means Enya will have a place to grow up...she can have all those things she's been waiting for so badly. And 'Iheyu and Tangek will have a chance to be mates..." She sniffled slightly, a wide, wide smile appearing on her face, like the sun going up on a clear morning. "Tangek and 'Iheyu were thinking of maybe moving their family towards Atreyu's camp for Enya's and Tali's sake, but weren't sure if it was the right thing to do... They'll be so happy to hear this news!"
And another rock slid off her heart: "Yes...yes, we should try to join forces - we know more or less where they are; Brenda and I met Atreyu just this morning on the way there. Kenten wants to see them too; he misses his pongu, his friends." She swallowed again. "And me, I wouldn't have to decide or try to split my heart between two places," she finished very quietly.
She bowed her head to Ra'nah. "Irayo, revered Elder, for sharing this news with us - it seems miracles were happening everywhere that night."
-
It was at this point that Ash's newfound resolve to try to see things from the People's perspective was put to a very difficult test. On the one hand, she was, of course, happy for Ni'ka, happy for the struggling Clan. But she hadn't been raised in a Na'vi Clan; she couldn't fathom the unity its members felt with each other, their ancestors, their history and prehistory. Their traditions ran back, some said, almost eighty thousand years; mankind had only been living in large communities for a little over ten thousand. Already the society of Man was coming undone, breaking up more every decade. To her, the breakup of the Tompa'tanhi was a sad but natural outgrowth of the crisis that threatened to engulf them.
But here was their former Olo'eyktan not only accepting their departure from their home of a thousand years but endorsing it; indeed, saying things that sounded an awful lot like "This is the Future." Wasn't that supposed to be a human sentiment? Didn't he care?
And here was Ni'ka, the Changed one who she still saw as almost a daughter, ready on the instant to leave the station; to leave Ash, her guidance, support and protection, and take Enya's family and the hunters with her. Were things that bad for them at the station? Brenda seemed to think so, and she had made a good point about the unnaturalness of their situation. And several of the others had stated that if Ni'ka were to really find herself again, and if Enya were to fully transition into her new life as a Na'vi, they needed to live with other Na'vi, with the Clan.
On the face of it, both notions made sense. But inside herself, Ash rebelled. Na'vi lived in Hometrees, in any terrain that had them...didn't they? Their attachment to their age-old homes was legendary; was this something that could be dissolved so easily? The Clan was fragmenting, for pity's sake, dispersing to who-knows-where; how could anyone think this was a good thing, a thing that would make them stronger?
The narrative she'd composed for them in her head had to end in either victory or tragedy, their culture's preservation exactly as-is or its destruction. There was no chapter in it for societal revolution, for large-scale change.
So Ni'ka was going; there'd been no hesitation in her response at all. Enya's family wouldn't be far behind, especially if Tangek had anything to do with it. Kenten's heart had never left the pongu; of course he would rejoin them as well. All her charges, all the people she'd been fighting for and trying to protect, were just going to...abandon her? After all she'd done?
She fought hard to suppress her gut reaction, which was that the situation wasn't fair. If her friends relocated to the settlement--and she couldn't think of a single reason why they wouldn't--there'd be no one left at the compound but her and Rick and maybe human Brenda, who didn't really count in her mind because surely she would almost always be linked in to be with Enya...right?
She sighed. Ni'ka was an adult and could come and go as she pleased. Brenda had wanted to be gone before she'd even *come*. 'Iheyu's foremost obligation was to her family, which had been hurt several times by things Ash had said or done. Scratch all of them... But what about Tsanten, what about the healers who attended him? Was Tangek going to pack him in a patient pod and clear him out too?
Suddenly it seemed that it wasn't just Hometree being evacuated. Sooner or later--probably sooner--the same thing would happen to the shack complex.
And then Ashleigh Davis, anthropologist, Avatar driver, would have no one to talk to except her own kind.
- -
Ra'nah had not failed to note the awkward silence that had fallen over the Dreamwalker woman or the sigh that finally escaped her. "Does something trouble you, child...?" he asked gently.
Ash gave him a puzzled look. "It does, but...I'm not sure what it is, and I need some time to sort it out."
"What do you know about it already?" he prompted. "Perhaps if you cast a net of words over it, you might snare a few fish."
Ash blushed, then averted her gaze. "It's nothing I'm proud of... I'm happy for you, 'k? For all of you, for Ni'ka, for Enya's family... But all I can think of right this moment is that it's gonna be lonely at the station." She uttered a nervous little laugh. "I feel left out... Isn't that selfish of me? It's gonna be like Hometree, everybody going away..."
"...And you have no Clan to carry in your heart," Ra'nah guessed.
Ash nodded, biting her lip and trying not to think of the mists that were gathering in her eyes. "And I've been a bit of a nuisance; I don't think any of them is going to particularly want to carry me in theirs," she finished unhappily.
-
Ni'ka's eyes widened at Ash's words, realizing how everything must have sounded to her friend. It didn't take much to realize that Ash imagined a camp that was empty of all of them--without 'Iheyu and Tangek, without Tsanten and Silronsem, without Tali and...without Enya; and she could easily see how that might wear Ash down.
She turned to her friend and wrapped her arms around her, giving her a tight hug, ears drooping a bit. "No..." she said, "No, no...we won't go just like that and leave you alone! Of course you are a part of the Clan! You're my friend, the first one who ever taught me what that word meant when I was lost; do you really think I'd leave you and Rick alone?"
She shook her head so energetically that braids and beads were flying around. "No, there's no 'joining forces' without you or Rick or Brenda. And if someone wants to say something against it...they better shouldn't!"
-
Ash didn't answer this directly. Instead, she wrestled with another ugly surprise that surfaced from within her depths--fpi Eywa, how many *were* there?? Having not anticipated it, she had no defenses raised against it, so the words came tumbling out of her mouth almost before she knew she'd formed them:
"You know, I think I'm jealous of Enya? Everybody loves her, everyone excuses whatever she says or does; everything about her is *cute*. I'm not cute. I'm stubborn, opinionated, obnoxious, demanding...everybody says so except Rick, and *Rick* wouldn't tell me if I crapped my own shorts! So I go to the Heart of Eywa once, twice and hopefully again, and nothing changes except for the time it got worse. Enya goes down there, not even in her body, not carrying any toxic artifacts, and comes back with the Suns in her pockets! Why? Why do I get a cold lake and she gets a warm one? How come she gets to dream herself over while Rick and I have to go spelunking? And how can she do more for the world in a couple of hours than I have since the crisis began? I don't need this..." Her eyes were flashing red now: "...And it damn sure doesn't need me!!"
Ra'nah blinked. The healers blinked. And before Ash quite registered what was happening, Havi hauled her to her feet and yanked her around by the queue to face the way out.
But Ra'nah put up a hand. "Hold," he commanded as forcefully as he was still able. "Sit the child down again; I won't have you roughing up the guests." Then, that having been done by a confused Havi, he addressed the Dreamwalker. "Ash...I must apologise, though no apology can be enough. You have danced too close to the Red, and you suffer for it--outside; inside; in both your bodies, I see, and in the hurt you've always carried in your soul. Vrrtep is like any other predator; it goes for the weakest first--the sick, the young, the injured; the peaceable; the honorable; the innocent. It says much about the nature of the demon that it considers such characteristics to be weaknesses. Who in our community has it hit hardest? --Two Dreamwalkers; the warrior who cares for them; a Lorekeeper; and a young girl at play. The others might or might not have been exposed if we'd never met them. But you, Ash...to you I owe a most profound apology, because it was by my own decision that you were endangered."
Ash's mouth fell open; the crimson in her eyes faded to amber. "Ra'nah...this can't be your fault; the shard was in my body long before we met..."
But the old Olo'eyktan wasn't having any of it. "And when you should have been resting, healing in the care of your mate, we sent him on a dangerous quest instead, one that called for him to retrieve the very heart of the evil itself. And you, brave girl, went with him so he would not face the thing alone. This was never your task, Ash. But by sending Rick, I put you in a position where you could not have done anything else but face the danger by his side. And I swore you, all of you, to an oath, and I let you think it was a bigger thing than it was. I swore you not to reveal any of this to the Sky People. You were not sworn to keep it from other Na'vi of the Clan, whose children hear about the 'pretty place' in bedtime stories, though they are not told what it really is. This secret has caused dissension in your camp, I'm sure. I've placed 'Iheyu, who should not have been at our meeting in the first place, in a particularly nasty position; she's had to keep the thing from her children *and* from her potential mate. I believe Na'vie sending Enya home with our secret was the All-mother's way of showing me how wrong I was in that approach... And as we've all seen, neither the world nor the Clan has exactly prospered since."
Ash couldn't believe what she was hearing: the Clan leader himself was taking the blame. But as she and Ni'ka had discussed before...wasn't that what an Olo'eyktan was for?
-
To say that Ni'ka was going through a bath of mixed emotions would have been an understatement. At first hearing Ash say all those words about Enya, about being jealous, made the huntress almost freeze in place. This wasn't the Ash she knew, the one who loved the awakened Avatar almost like herself. How could Ash say something like that? Ni'ka felt a short flash of anger go through her and she was about to say something; but then Ash's eyes flashed red, and instead of protesting, Ni'ka's instincts kicked in. She jumped up - that being followed by an awful moment of being torn between two impulses. One part of her wanted to drag Havi away from her friend, the other part wanted to restrain Ash herself until the spell was over.
Then Ra'nah calmed the situation down, calling Havi to order and radiating his natural authority, showing for just a moment why he had been Olo'eyktan all that time. A little part in the back of Ni'ka's mind wondered if their visit was a good or bad thing, bringing out energies in Ra'nah like that. Was it encouraging, challenging him, or would it bereave him of his last resources? She hoped it would not be the latter.
And then the former Olo'eyktan started his apologies to Ash. At first Ni'ka wanted to protest again - how could anything have been Ra'nah's fault? He hadn't put the crystal shard in Ash's arm, he hadn't stolen Vrrtep's heart, he hadn't... But after a moment Ni'ka realized that there was truth in Ra'nah's words. He had sent Rick out to discover the Heart and talk to Na'vie; he and the Tsahik had encouraged Ash to go along--and as Tawtute, not with her Dreamwalker, who would have been much stronger and better prepared; Ra'nah and Ali'ite had asked the Oath of them all... Back then, Ni'ka herself had not been how she was now; she had been just a frightened child who still had problems forming her thoughts into words...but she remembered very well how uncomfortable 'Iheyu had been.
True, Ra'nah hadn't done anything, but he had been responsible for a lot of things that had gotten screwed up. And now he did what any good leader did - he took his responsibility, freeing Ash of it. And at least they wouldn't have to worry about that oath anymore.
Still, there was another thing that caught Ni'ka's attention. Sitting down again too, she said: "Ra'nah, what you said about the Red being a predator, going for the weakest of us... You know what Tiye said a while ago? 'The Red has reached for four of us now, and four have slipped from its grasp--Rick, Ni'ka, Tsanten, and Ash. All four are marked, probably for life. But all four of you are free. It hasn't got much of a grip, has it? That gives me hope for the world...'" And Ra'nah showing the leader he had been, that gave Ni'ka hope too.
-
"And Brenda makes five," Ash said a little shakily, diverting her thoughts from the possible deeper significance of the former Clan leader's words. "I didn't get to share this with you or with the Tsahiks last time I was here, but Brenda's Dreamwalker was attacked and Changed too. But her human side fought off the worst of it, as with Rick, and apparently even Vrrtep isn't sensitive enough to See her soul. And Brenda never left her, as far as I can recall, just like I never left Rick when he was Changing, and he never left me when I started getting worse. And Kenten stayed with me in my worst hours; and 'Iheyu's baffled that I haven't let her take me in; and Enya's forgiven me; and Ni'ka's been by my side from the first..."
Ra'nah, tiring by now, favored her with a faltering smile; that demonstration and that admission had taken a lot out of him, she could tell. "Then you do have a Clan to carry you and carry with you," he said. "And no mere distance is going to change that. We have a saying: 'You can choose your friends, but you're stuck with your family!' Make of that what you will; but Tiye's words and your account have given me much hope too. Go, then; be relieved of your burden; allow yourself to be a child again; take time to heal."
Ash, unsure what that meant, gave Ni'ka a puzzled look. Was she being excused from the mission? What about Rick, and what about her proposed trip with the Tsahiks? But the old Olo'eyktan's energy was dissipating right before her eyes, and she didn't want to burden him with more questions.
-
Ni'ka was pretty sure that they'd all need time to get their thoughts sorted out. But for now she could see that whatever energy was left in Ra'nah was fading - he needed rest now. So she peeked over to Ash, making a short, almost invisible motion with her head. "I think it's time for us to go now," she said quietly, with another short smile to Havi, "before the healers really drag us out."
She leaned in, taking the old Olo'eyktan's hands in hers, knowing that it was safe to do so now, and bowing her head in deep respect and affection. "Thank you for your time, Ra'nah, and for your words. I think we all have shared hope today."
Then she gracefully got up, waiting for Ash to join her.
-
Ash, too, glanced at the healers, her ears lowered meekly and with a sheepish little smile. "I've got this...I can make it to the door," she quipped before turning back to Ra'nah. "Irayo, ma'karyu. I call you 'teacher' and will call your mate the same because I have learned two things that have lightened my spirit. From you I have testimony that this isn't all my fault. And from Ali'ite, speaking about Enya, I have proof that I am not the only one who can change things. You've given me much to think about...but those two things speak clearly, even through the fog I've put in my own mind. I thank you profoundly."
They exchanged head-bows, embraces, hand-clasps; then she arose a little stiffly and joined Ni'ka on her way out of the chamber.
Behind them, Ra'nah beckoned the healers to him, all but wilting in their arms as they aided him to his sleeping-mat. Then Havi and Eyaye regarded each other with long, questioning glances at having heard so much more than they were supposed to. Fairy-tales, indeed...ones come terribly to life, and the fate of the world hinging on their outcome.
-:- -:- -:-
-
Once outside, Ni'ka stretched and took a deep breath, thoughts swirling in her head. A part of her still wondered about Ash and Enya, if this sentiment had really come from Ash's spirit or if it had still been the aftereffects of the Red - but then she decided that this could wait for another time; Ash had enough on her leaf-platter for now. Ni'ka was pretty sure that Ash's head was spinning as much as her own.
She let out the breath again. "All of that will keep me thinking for a good while," she admitted, then smiled a bit. "It will give my head something to do during my guard shifts." Her ears swiveled around. "Are you still up to having a look at the Changed Sky warrior?"
Of course she thought that it would be good to check in on the man, but she didn't want to put any more burdens on Ash's shoulder - Ni'ka had seen how close her friend was to cracking.
-
The pair had descended the Spiral quite a bit further before Ash pulled over into an empty crafter's nook and tried to answer that question...and by her response, it was evident that it had taken her natural pessimism very little time to reassert itself.
"Ni'ka," she began, "do you have any idea how thoroughly that little chat just upended my world? I mean, between Ra'nah and the Tsahiks, every single thing I believed about the mission has been turned on its ear. My whole understanding...all the grief, all the anguish I've put myself through for the last month and a half...totally mistaken; and I feel like it was totally unnecessary and totally useless, too. The bit about saving the world by myself, about making it up to the Na'vi for what the RDA did with my homework? --Can't be done, not by any one person, and the people who assigned it to me now deeply regret it. So they've fired me. Well, that's one chore I can cross off my to-do list...
"Here's another one: We were not sworn to keep the secret of the Heart from other Na'vi, and now I guess we're perfectly free to share it even with Dreamwalkers, who of course are part-time humans. All the head-scratching about who was supposed to know what and from whom...? Wasted, because the oath was never as broad as I thought, and I wish I'd thought of that before everybody at camp came to hate me for what I've done in its name. Terrific...
"Or this one: The cave didn't have to be scary, the lake didn't have to be cold, except to the extent my attitude colored my experience there. Remember Enya told us it felt like she was moving inside her feelings? I went there guilt-ridden, driven and, oh yeah, claustrophobic, so of course I found it menacing. Enya went there in the simplicity of a child's need and found it warm and welcoming. But of course!" She tossed up her hands and rolled her eyes at herself.
"Or how about this one: The Clan can't exist without Hometree. Or this one: Red eyes mean you still belong to Vrrtep. Or this one: If you switch from an infected body to a non-infected one, you're safe. Or: Kids do the learning; grownups do the teaching. Or: You have to physically go to the Heart to do Eywa any good. Or, umm, things work out best when people decide things for themselves... Or, worst of all: If you take a direct hit from the Pandoran Overmind, everything the matter with you is gonna instantly go away." She threw out one arm again and gestured around the room. "Do you see a trend here? Almost everything I ever thought about this is wrong!
"Oh, one more thing," she added in tones of disgust. "No matter how humbly I've approached things today, Na'vi wisdom keeps finding ways to humble me worse. This situation doesn't want me, doesn't need me, and has lasted as long as it has mostly because it's been waiting on me to quit bumbling around. I don't mind learning on the job, 'k? But this world just doesn't have that kind of time...or am I wrong about that, too?"
There was a pause, ending when she blew out a heavy sigh. "C'mon, let's go tell the people downstairs how Ra'nah's doing... Then we can look in on Andy--that's one thing I can't possibly mess up... And then let's check with the Tsahiks; and if they don't need me either, I'm doing what Ra'nah said and going home. Nothing challenging to deal with there except Tangek..."
-
Ni'ka bit her lip at Ash's words. She herself was still trying to wrap her mind around everything that had been said, but she got the feeling that her friend had put some of those words in a different way than they were meant - and some of them she didn't even understand. What, fpi Eywa, did 'claustrophobic' mean at all???
"I...I don't think they have 'fired' you," she finally started, hesitating. "We all just see that you are tired and exhausted, and even the best hunters will lose their prey if they're too tired to read the tracks. So I think it's more about having a break...everyone needs that now and then. I'm sure even the heroes from the old songs and stories needed some downtime. So, if Ra'nah or the Tsahik regret putting a load on you, that's only because it's such a heavy one and they didn't think about if you'd be able to carry it. And still you did, until now." One of her ears flinched. "And about things you've been wrong about - we kind of all were, in some way or another."
Now she shook her head more energetically. "No - I don't think all of what we thought was wrong, it's just about looking differently at it." She sighed and made a slightly sheepish face. "It all gives me a headache, thinking of it," she admitted. "Yes, let's go downstairs, tell everyone about how Ra'nah's doing and check in on Andy." A quick grin crossed her face. "That's probably the one thing where I might mess up..."
-
"'Looking differently'...yeah," Ash said tiredly. "I'm not exactly what you'd call 'flexible' upstairs, so sometimes being shown something from a different angle feels like having my neck dislocated... Oww." She rubbed the base of her skull where Havi had grabbed her queue. "This whole morning has felt like somebody holding me by the scruff of the neck and shoving my nose in the mess I've made... Or maybe I'm just pouting because they won't let me play martyr anymore?" she teased herself with a weak little smile.
-
Ni'ka chuckled at the picture of someone grabbing Ash that way and stubbing her nose into something; then she winced in sympathy. "That must have hurt," she said, referring to Havi dragging Ash by her queue, and she unconsciously rubbed the base of her own. "And about any flexibility 'upstairs'..." She knocked against her skull. "To be honest, I'm only too glad that things are working again in there at all, so I just don't worry about if it's flexible or not."
They were climbing down now, just to run into the same warrior they had talked to before going up.
"How is Ra'nah?" the man asked, worry shining in his eyes. "Did you get to see him?"
Ni'ka nodded. "Yes, we did, and I think he was glad to see us." She smiled faintly. "The healers care very well for him, and to me his mind still seemed awake and sharp, and his will seemed strong. But...what hit him took away a lot of his physical strength." Her voice showed the deep respect and affection she had for the old Olo'eyktan. "It's sad to see him that way, and still I'm more than glad I got the chance to talk to him. I owe him so much."
-
Ash nodded, then said "He's not in the healers' ward, if anyone asks. He's up in his family's nooks, where it's private and comforting and he can just be himself. He's been sitting up, chatting, feeding himself... I don't think he'd be embarrassed anymore if people looked in on him, though of course you'd have to check with Havi about when. Still has his sense of humor, too. He just needs someone to steady him once in a while...but don't we all? And, if anything, he seems wiser for the experience." She smiled.
The sentry, much relieved, put on a comical disappointed look. "Aww, does that mean we don't get to see your little Dreamwalker after all?"
"No, she'll come," Ash assured him. "Her mama knows she misses this place...and she's getting pretty good on that Pa'li."
The warrior chuckled at that, then waved them on.
"Next stop Andy?" asked Ash, lofting a brow. "I'm getting pretty good at acting confident around people I don't know very well; better see him while I'm still on a roll..."
-
"Next stop Andy," Ni'ka confirmed, and the two girls made their way over to the healer's area.
It wasn't hard to find where the former SecOps man was being tended to. The healers had found a little nook a bit away from the most busy area, as much for the People's protection as for Andy's; human warriors - apart from Rick - weren't exactly popular at Hometree.
The man looked a bit different from when Ni'ka had last seen him. Back then he'd been dirty and sweaty, a bloodstained bandage around his belly and his skin pale beneath the blue-gray of a Changed human. Now the healers had peeled him out of clothes that had been ripped and dirty enough to almost walk into the fire on their own; they had given him a sponge bath to get rid of grime and dirt. He was lying on a sleeping mat wrapped in a light blanket, and what could been seen from his upper body was bare, but clean, with a much more healthy shine to his skin than before.
Andy had been dozing, but he opened his eyes when he heard someone come nearer. A wry smile appeared on his face when he noticed a slightly familiar-looking Avatar and the dark Na'vi who had been visiting in the field hospital. "Hey," he greeted, his voice still sounding croaked and hoarse.
-
Ash cocked her head, wondering if the mercenary knew who she was. Every time he'd seen her before, she'd been human... Maybe it was a good thing she was in her Avatar now, she thought, because if her memory served her, she'd been pretty pushy with him all three times. But surely it had been justified? Two Changed military men, neither of whose allegiances could be guessed, and one of whom had turned out to be treacherous; she could well be excused for having pressed the other man hard for some sign of his intentions.
Still...now that she was aware how little she'd tried to see things from any perspective but her own, she had to shake her head at herself. How could she have expected someone in the stress of mid-Change to think clearly about anything at all? At the time, no court on Earth would have ruled Andy competent to handle his own affairs. Anything he or Reese had said that day would have been inadmissible testimony for having been obtained under duress--or what else could it be called when the main thing that had kept either of them talking was a black native with a poison thorn under her claw? So when she'd tried to recruit them, all they'd said was what it would have taken to get out of the conversation alive. Of what worth was a promise given under those conditions? And even most recently, when she'd attended Andy in this very ward the day of her surgery, the most she'd gotten from him was a promise to keep his head low and not tick anybody off. Still frightened, still just trying to survive...and a far cry from willingly joining the rebels and the war effort.
"Hi, Andy," she finally said, kneeling next to his pallet so as not to tower over him quite so much. "This is Ash from the dispensary, remember? --Yes, I'm a driver; this is my other face...some might even say my better half." She smirked, then returned to making small talk. "So how are you doing now? I'm sorry I was so in-your-face before; neither of us was really at our best..."
-
At Ash's words recognition dawned on Andy's face. "Hell, yeah... I think I remember." He made a face. "To be honest, I can't remember much from when you and...her?" He sent a questioning look over to Ni'ka: "...were coming to that shack you put us in. The way I was still burning inside, half of you could have been hallucinations," he admitted. "Dunno about you, but me, I was definitely not at my best back then - gee, I'm still getting nightmares about that monster...is it still out there? Oh, and yeah, I know you're a driver; your stunt of smuggling your Avatar out of Hell's Gate and stealing that Samson made the way through the barracks in no time." A short grin appeared. "Seriously, you were called enemies and traitors, and your guards got dragged through hell for letting you slip out - but kick me, that one took guts!"
Carefully he managed to slip up the wall and lean against it, the blanket slipping down a bit to show a scarred chest and a fresh leaf-bandage. "Feeling a good part better now." He gave Ni'ka a very cautious look. If she was here, that probably meant that she somehow belonged to the Clan and wasn't that monster's little sister, so he decided to treat her like he treated the healers. "Whatever your people use as medicine, it works!"
Ni'ka sat down too, eyeing the Changed Tawtute as cautiously as he eyed her. Yes, he looked healthier now and not quite as hostile and suspicious as he had been before, but she still didn't completely trust him yet. She gave the man a small smile all the same. "I'm glad to hear you're better now," she said.
-
"This is Ni'ka," Ash filled in. "She's been with us almost as long as there have been dark Na'vi at all. She and we were fortunate; we found each other before she was beyond saving... Since then there's been another one who's come back to himself too. This can happen. If you see one with silver eyes, you don't have anything to fear besides the ordinary reactions you'd get from any other Na'vi. And just this morning Ni'ka and I were smiling about that; she said 'the Red' mustn't have much of a grip, if everyone in our circle has shaken it off...Rick, Ni'ka, Tsanten--that's the second one; 90% dead when we found him, but free." She opted not to mention her own human body's infection, and had the survival sense to not mention Brenda at all. "We're finding out a lot about this as time goes on: Na'vi can recover; Avatars don't get it *as* bad, they don't frenzy when you link in; and for humans it can be an outright improvement." She gave the mercenary a wink and a grin.
-
Andy grinned back a bit crookedly and critically eyed his blue-grayish skin with the occasional white glowing spot. "Uh," he said, "I wouldn't go as far as calling it an improvement - although living without an exopack sure has its perks. Guess I'd be dead without that...how do you call it? 'Change'? From that point of view - bein' blue-gray beats bein' dead by far!"
"Yes, we call it the Change," Ni'ka said softly. "And I guess we can add you to the list of people who escaped the Red too."
Now Andy looked at her again, his eyes narrowing slightly as he took in the dark huntress' appearance. "Told ya, my mind was foggy as a London night when you two showed up - but somehow you look different than last time." Then he realized who he had spoken to and what he had said and flinched. "Ooops - sorry, hope that wasn't some kind of forbidden ground I stepped on. Guess I'm talking too much here. Those healers do an awesome job, but they ain't the chatty kind."
Ni'ka couldn't help but chuckle at Andy's suddenly chagrined expression. "No," she said, "no forbidden ground here. I've been healing a lot more since you saw me. The thorn is gone now and some of my tanhi are back!" For a moment she forgot who she was talking to, and her face showed the utter happiness she felt about both things.
That wasn't lost even on Andy and he nodded; he didn't exactly realize the meaning of it, only that it was another step for the Changed Na'vi on a way he still had to go.
-
"Just as well they're not the chatty type," Ash commented. "I'm finding out the hard way that the less I say, the less likely I am to get in trouble...and I'm an ally. You can't stick your foot in your mouth if you don't open your mouth. Looks like you've been laying low enough for their tastes...
"Relevant to your situation, though, probably the best example to go by is Rick. The Change did some interesting things to his genetics. We won't know the whole story until we try to have kids... But he thinks his body, after being injected with corrupted Na'vi DNA, has finally stabilised and learned to live with the new blend. If your case works out like his has, you might find yourself a little taller; somewhat stronger; more agile and with more endurance... We're still figuring him out, what his body's like now, but other than the biolume dots that give away his every emotion, he's not complaining. Well, except that he's outgrowing his uniform; he complains all the time about that..." She smirked.
-
"And about those boot-thingies for his feet," Ni'ka added with a slight chuckle.
Andy sighed. "At the moment I'd kill even for outgrown uniforms." He pointed towards his blanket. "They've taken away what was left of my clothes and put me into one of those loincloth-things. I'll be screwed if I ever get out of this blanket!" And the hard-bitten mercenary actually blushed.
Now Ni'ka's chuckle turned into a wide grin - it seemed this Tawtute warrior had at least one thing in common with her little sister: the deep dislike for the Na'vi style of dressing. "I'm sure someone will find a solution," she said, her eyes sparkling in merriment.
But the next moment saw her more serious than she had been throughout the whole discussion. She slightly tilted her head. "So you are feeling better, we all can see this. And you are thinking about leaving the healers' area one day." Her eyes went intense. "I know that back when Ash first asked you, your mind was probably clouded with the Red's venom - but now it seems clear. Did you make a decision yet?"
The mercenary laid back against the wall, closing his eyes for a moment, his face tired now. "Yes," he said after a while. "Yes...guess so. Ya know, laying around on this pallet with nothing to do and nobody to talk to, a guy starts thinking." He rubbed his temple. "See, I'm not like you, Ash, or your boyfriend there... I came here for the money, nothing else. The plan was easy - they hire me and my gun, they pay well, and when I get back home after 18 years I'll have some serious money in my pocket, and the mess I've left behind is gone as well... Operation Fresh Start or something. So, I'm not as much of an idealist as the two of you and whoever might help you from the inside."
He paused, then shook his head. "But still, there are a few facts there..." He started counting on his fingers. "First - re-opening the mine is one thing, there's a lot of money to be made there. But unleashing that fucking thing in the sky? That's a solid helping of madness, if you ask me... Heck, I've seen that monster back at that base. If this Vrrtep can produce monsters like that Alpha, then something's seriously wrong! That thing ate our bullets like candy, damn it! Then, second...I know very well that the only thing I'd get from my buddies in the 'Gate would be a load of lead in my head...and the people here saved my ass. They don't like me, they don't trust me, and still they patched me up. While my good old buddy Reese..." He spat at the floor in contempt. "...just decided to leave me behind... Idiot! How far did he think he'd get?"
"Not very far," Ni'ka muttered, thinking of Waytelem and his tracking skills.
"I won't shed a tear for him," Andy grumbled. "Whatever - all that does make a guy think of where the loyalties lie."
And then he fell silent again and a strange expression appeared on his face, something between confusion and wonder. "And then...heck, that other night, when that weird energy wave hit everyone...it was like something was probing me, testing. Felt like walking on a razor blade for a while, sure kept my breath the whole time. Dunno why, but seems I passed somehow. Next morning my wound was a lot better than before, the infection gone. The healer said it was a blessing from their goddess...Eh-wa?" He stumbled over the unfamiliar word.
"Eywa," Ni'ka corrected, feeling hope rise in her. If the Great Mother had blessed Andy, his spirit couldn't be completely lost.
"Eywa," Andy repeated, still with a heavy accent. "Anyway, if what healed me somehow has to do with this goddess...I guess She's worth saving." The crooked smile reappeared. "Guess your goddess just hired a mercenary."
-
"Maybe a few," said Ash, "and not necessarily human... Do you remember Waytelem? Rick told me you two had met, and that he wasn't any too pleased with Reese either. He's out now with a scouting party, hunting down your ex-buddy and maybe doing a little recruiting of his own. If you didn't know it, Waytelem is the warriors' Elder here, and I have it on good authority that once he's so much as picked up the man's scent, Reese is as good as dead and just doesn't know it yet. Don't underestimate these Na'vi, ever. They're a lot more adaptable than most people think. You've already enjoyed the services of their aeromedical corps, for one; and that's not the only one of Sully's ideas they took and made their own." Then she broke the tension between them with a grin: "Ponchos and footwear and sweatpants, for a few. You should ask for some; the healers have been holding out on you..."
Then she cocked her head, looking pensive. "I think a lot of people were surprised to find out they were loved and accepted the other night... Strictly speaking, Eywa isn't a goddess. She's the personification of this world's life-force. Like Gaia on Earth, except that Eywa's People actually listen to Her... If She's touched you, taken you into Herself, then you're part of this world whether you know it or not...and a person should be willing to defend his home, don't you think?"
-
"Dunno - doesn't matter how you call Her," Andy mused. "I'm not the most religious type, but from what I've felt that night and what you say, I'm not sure if the name makes a frickin' difference. She's on a totally different level - whoah. Seriously, got no idea what the heck She saw in me - and it felt as if She completely turned me inside out." He was convinced that the cosmic being - or the goddess - had noticed every dark spot on his soul; and there were a lot of dark spots, he thought. "I'm not sure if this world needs me to be part of it; it could do a lot better. But if there's something I'm good at it's fighting...so, if a fighter is needed, I'll defend whatever you want me to." He grinned weakly. "If I ever get outta here and the healers might spare me some of those sweatpants. And if I get my hands on a weapon."
He pondered over the rest of Ash's words. "Waytelem...oh yeah, I remember that guy!" he nodded. "I still had fever back then, but I remember him from the dispensary. He and his banshee brought me to this place, together with Rick, at least that's what I remember. And that he was definitely pissed about Reese..." He recalled what he remembered from Waytelem's face and expression and actually winced at the thought. "Underestimate him? No way! I'm not still alive 'cause I tend to underestimate people, and this guy can make you crap your pants without breaking a sweat. No need convincing me here. Guess Reese's chances for survival just went down below zero." He frowned. "Still wonder why he's doing it - that warrior Elder, I mean. Why hunt Reese down?"
Ni'ka grinned at the first words. She liked and respected Waytelem deeply, but she knew his reputation and could very much imagine how an angry Waytelem might look to a human, especially one who was trying to fight off a nasty wound in his belly and the Change as well. But now she frowned at Andy's question. "When you two were put in that place, nobody knew if you would turn out to be allies or enemies to us. But you still were warriors who had fought together against the Alpha. A pongu...a small one, but still warriors relying on each other. When Reese left you, he left behind a wounded tsmukan in need." She shook her head, still in disbelief about the whole thing. "No true Tsamsiyu can leave it at that." Her face grew hard for a moment. "If I had found him, or Ngatapa, or even Atreyu, he'd be just as dead."
Andy swallowed a bit at the fierceness in that; but he was a fighter, who knew about the importance of trust and loyalty in a squad (that Reese had broken), so he understood the thought behind it and nodded. "I get it." He shook himself a little like a wet dog and then changed over to more pleasant subjects. "Okay, and recruiting too? I wish him luck with that - but if he decides to go for more humans he should just be careful with the miners. Most of them hate the job and would probably happily join anyone who'd give them a chance to get outta there and kick back. But there are a few who like the idea of getting some extra money. I've been on guard duty there before we came out, and I've heard them talk. On the other hand - I can't see anyone playing foul tricks on this Waytelem, not when he stares at you that way, right into your head."
-
"They all do that," said Ash. "It's called 'Seeing', and it's not the head that they're interested in...it's the heart. They See into you, they See your soul, the sum of your Being. Kind of like when we say we have a 'feel' for someone, but amped up to eleven. If they stare longer these days, it's because with Eywa off fighting that demon, Seeing has become harder for them to do. But they're still a hell of a lot better at it than any human but a sage could ever be. That's probably why they haven't killed you yet. There's something in you besides 'Andy the mercenary' that they value and See that the world might need. Whether you discover it for yourself and make it available to them is up to you... But I wouldn't dare try to bullshit them, because they know when you're not being true to yourself."
Then she frowned. "What is it with soldiers and religion?" she asked a little irritably. "Isn't there a saying, 'There are no atheists in the trenches'? Yet you and Reese and even Rick at first were in a big hurry to declare yourselves 'not very religious'. What, you guys think that's a weakness or something? In that sense, you sound just as bad as some of the scientists!
"As for what Waytelem wants with Reese... I'll be honest, I don't think he's actually all that interested in Reese. I think he mainly wants to get a fresh look at the situation, see if the Na'vi have any options now that they didn't have a month ago. Back then it was Carbonell or his superiors trying to provoke these people into an attack that they could use as an excuse for genocide. Well, that hasn't worked, and in the meantime the Na'vi have had a chance to think things over, and Waytelem is probably out there seeing how much of what they've brainstormed is actually doable. Only his inner circle is very clear about his actual plans. But Reese might be good for some entertainment...you know, to keep the warriors' skills and instincts sharp..." Her grin flashed entirely too much fang, and she had to ask herself inside whether she didn't actually enjoy the thought of Reese being butchered out and left where SecOps could see him.
-
"Entertainment, huh?" That actually made Andy wince. "Well, then at least he's good for something, after all." He was properly impressed by Ash's description of Waytelem's tactical approach. 'Warrior Elder' obviously wasn't just a title for someone who practiced archery and spear-fighting with his people, but also for the military mind of the Clan. What Ash described sounded pretty much like something any tactician he had ever met would do. And it didn't take her words for Andy to understand that behind Waytelem's intense golden eyes was a mind as sharp as he had ever met. Behind Ni'ka's silver ones as well, when he thought about it. The dark Na'vi girl hadn't said much, but she was eyeing him in that way that was becoming almost familiar, and Andy wondered what she was Seeing there - an interesting wording, he thought.
Actually what Ni'ka was Seeing wasn't quite as clear yet, but her gut told her that wasn't due to the Sky warrior playing any games. Ash had said surprisingly wise words - that there was something that Andy still had to discover for himself, and for now that something was hidden behind fog and scars and hard years for the mercenary as well as for the Na'vi girl trying to See him.
For a moment there had been a pause in discussion. "Oh - and that religion thing," Andy finally started again. "Nope, not a weakness, not at all. Heck, I've seen other mercs pray passionately for something." A sudden shadow crossed his face. "I've always wondered how they did it, keeping it up that way with everything they've seen. Me, I grew up with it, but after a few years out on the field...nope, no higher being would have ever allowed some of the things I've seen out there." But then he looked up with a half smile. "But gimme a few more weeks here and I might even change my mind there. This...visit...the other night was kinda convincing, and what- or whoever this Eywa is - She's damn-it-all fighting for Her people!"
Ni'ka silently smiled to herself at those words.
-
"That 'visit' was something else, wasn't it?" Ash smiled. "I know Rick, Ni'ka and I have been swapping miracle stories for two days, and something tells me we haven't seen the last of them... But you're the first person outside our circle who's mentioned feeling something too. Was anyone or anything else here affected, as far as you could tell from where you're sitting? What was it like? The Worldmind sparing a thought for this particular Hometree...that must have been something really special..."
As carefully as she'd worded things--"our circle", not specifying its size or nature; herself, Rick and Ni'ka the only ones named; nothing at all about "our camp" or "our outpost" or even "our group", which would have given it away as an organised movement--she couldn't keep the wistfulness out of her voice and expression. Somehow this hadn't managed to come up with the Na'vi all morning; she'd been much too involved in filling them in. So Andy was the first person who she'd really been able to ask about this so far, and the first she'd talked to today for no other reason than her own curiosity. It was kind of nice not to have an agenda for a change, either her own or that of the people she'd come to see...
-
"Yeah - definitely something else." Andy cleared his throat; he hadn't spoken that much in what felt like ages.
Ni'ka, noticing the man's dry throat, reached out for a bowl of water standing beside the pallet, handing it towards the mercenary, who took it gratefully.
"Thanks!" he said and drank thirstily, putting the bowl back down again after a moment. "And you can bet that this place has been affected. I mean, there are only a few people talking to me; my healers of course do, every time they check my wound." He smiled. "Got them all in an uproar when they saw the infection was gone that morning. Said something about me being 'blessed' too, and that almost made them chatty. Not that they shared any secrets; they still don't trust me; but somehow it felt as if the distrust was a bit less than before. And it wasn't just them... See, when you're stuck in a place where people are wary around you, ya get a feeling if the vibes are changing. And they've definitely been changing since that night. People are still worried, and they don't like the idea of that demon in the sky and what it did to the world the least bit more than they ever did. But it's as if the load on their shoulders just got a little bit less heavy. Or as if they were given more strength to carry it. It's hard to put a finger on it..."
He looked around. "For one - I recognize a place that's getting evacuated if I see one - and this place has a lot less people than it should have. Especially less old people or kids running around than any settlement usually has. And still, last morning was the first time I heard some child laugh out there. And a few of the old people here in what they call a med bay could leave it that morning. And I think there were a few people singing last night - that was a first, too." He grinned. "I think that grim healer...Tiye? She actually smiled at me the last time I saw her."
-
Ash's features went soft at the soldier's account of the change in the atmosphere at Hometree. Of course she'd have to get with people in the Clan about the particulars; but this first inkling that something had, in fact, gone profoundly right for these people that night lifted her spirits.
"I would imagine," she said. "All this time, the Na'vi have thought their goddess had left them or been taken from them, who knew how or for how long, and all they could see was their world crumbling in front of their eyes... This was the first sign they've had that She was still a force in the world and that She hadn't forgotten them...or even forgotten *us*. You and me and Rick, the aliens among them. Makes me really wonder what happened that night at the 'Gate..."
Then she chuckled. "Tiye, 'grim'? Naww, she's nothing of the kind...unless you happen to be one of those stubborn patients who refuses to sit down, shut up and eat her veggies. Don't think I haven't felt The Wrath! But she's extremely competent and has the best interests of her patients and the community at heart. Where those conflict, she comes down heavily on the side of the patients. You're not the first object of dread to fetch up here; she pulled out all the stops and called in quite a few markers to get Tsanten--a Changed Na'vi!--admitted to the upstairs ward. Maybe if you thought of her as a doctor who also happens to be a drill sergeant...?" She grinned.
-
"A doctor that happens to be a drill sergeant?" Now Andy outright chuckled, wincing as his stomach wound reminded him that he still had some healing to do. "That's her in a nutshell. Not that I'd even dream of not doing what she says. This ain't the first time I've gotten messed up, and I've learned soon enough that the fastest way out of med bay is to do exactly what the doctor orders." He smirked. "Thinking about it, I've met one or two of her kind before. You just don't mess with them, no matter if you're a patient, another doctor, or the big Reaper himself."
Ni'ka couldn't help herself in teasing Ash a bit: "Oh yes, you should know about Tiye's Wrath..." Then her face grew soft too. "Bringing in Tsanten, I'll forever be in her debt," she admitted, ignoring the fact that she had played a part in that too. "And Ash is right about another thing too. Feeling the touch of Eywa that night, it gave all of us hope. The People, our Tawtute friends, Ash and Rick...and us Changed ones too. She still Sees us."
Andy heard the words, knowing that he was probably missing a good part of what lay behind them. And that was on more than one level. By now he had learned firsthand how important spiritual issues were for the Na'vi, and that was a field in which he lacked experience; he knew that if he wanted to throw in his lot with them - and he had decided already for that - he'd need a lot of extra tuition on that subject. The knowledge about the Na'vi shared in the barracks was usually much more of the practical kind.
And the second thing he was sure of was that his two visitors weren't telling him everything. For example, they'd have to have a base somewhere out there, a place where they could sleep, eat human food... Not that he blamed Ash and Ni'ka for keeping their mouth shut about it. If they were ever to trust him, he'd have to work for it.
"Yeah," he finally muttered, "I'd like to know if and how they felt it in the 'Gate too. Probably more in the miners' and science blokes' quarters than in the barracks."
-
Ash barely kept herself from flinching when Ni'ka mentioned "our Tawtute friends". Up to that point, the only named and known members of their group were herself, Rick and Ni'ka, all of whom Andy had met at the Na'vi dispensary; and Tsanten, who could be mentioned without compromising anything. Listing these four separately from "our Tawtute friends" was a dead giveaway that there was more to the resistance than one Avatar driver, her boyfriend and a couple of dark Na'vi they'd saved. How much more? Surely Andy must be asking himself the same thing, if even Ash had noticed...and she was no tactician.
"Don't be so sure about the scientists," she replied to Andy. "Or the soldiers, for that matter. There might or might not be atheists in the trenches, but there certainly are in the BioLab. I ought to know; before this all started, I was one of them..." Her voice trailed off as she recalled asking Tangek if she could "study" Tsanten's charred queue-strands before the healer buried them. The sample of Ni'ka's venom had been most informative and crucial to their understanding of what they were dealing with; but to fail to realise the howling incongruity between biochemical analysis and a burial rite was tunnel vision of the highest order.
"The things I didn't believe before the All-mother passed right through me on Her way out..." she continued at last. "They didn't cover that in the textbooks. Not even the ones about the Na'vi. My colleagues are probably over there right now trying to squeeze the Blessing into their little measurements of physical forces, like the way negative ions make you feel refreshed. I can tell you one thing almost for sure, though: Nobody who was in their Avatar that night is ever going to be the same. These bodies are tuned to that sort of thing..."
-
Andy frowned a little at Ni'ka's words. Was she talking about just Rick and Ash there, or were there any others involved? He wasn't stupid; there had to be more people on their side, and some of them probably even in Hell's Gate. As far as he knew, nobody besides the two humans he already knew had escaped the base. But there *had* been other remote groups; after all, at any given time there were several expeditions out there. But that was another of those things he was sure nobody would tell him about in clear words. Not now, not in the near future.
So he put his focus back to the things he did have information about. "I trust your judgement on how it might have affected Avatars, but for the drivers it depends on how many of them might have been linked in," he said. "Carbonell and his inner circle have their eyes on the drivers - he thinks they're potential rebels, all of them. He never thought much of them to begin with, but after that stunt with your Avatar? There's no proof, but he's deeply convinced that you guys had inside help. So he uses them for heavy work on the base, but apart from that they don't get their noses out of the compound much these days. And about the science labs and the people working there - you know more about them than me; I didn't have much to do with them."
Ni'ka, not even aware that her careful choice of words could be misread, was disturbed about something else. "You really think they can't See that it's been the Great Mother's spirit?" she wondered. "Haven't they learned from the last time?" Since hearing the story of the sixth Toruk Makto, she knew that humans had had their experiences with Eywa's strength already.
Andy snorted. "A few of the guys in the barracks might not even have noticed the whole thing - or, if they did, blamed it on the bad booze." He shook his head. "This...happening was in the evening, and things can get a bit rowdy in there after hours." He looked at the two visitors. "For you and your...um, guess I better say 'our', huh?...case, we can hope that there were enough who noticed and realized where it was coming from, but I don't get my hopes up too high."
-
"Can't tell you much about the Avatar compound; I never made it out there," Ash confessed. "The morning we rescued Sprout--yeah, go ahead and smirk, I gave my Avatar a name--was the first time I'd ever linked in at all. It was either that or let those goons smash her tank and divvy her up for spare parts... I'm just starting to understand that the Na'vi consider these bodies our children. That's not in the manual either; but they exist because of us, they get half their DNA from us, and we get kind of protective of them. And the experience... I have it on ironclad authority that our Avatars store up sensations in their sleep and transmit them to us when we link in. I'm too new at this to have picked up on it personally, but the drivers used to talk about it in the mess hall after-hours. If something's affected our Avatars, we get the benefit if we know what to feel for. Kind of like Seeing..." She was thinking of Enya and Solanda as she said this, and Enya could be described as an 'Avatar driver' nowadays if one defined the term "driver" with sufficient breadth.
To Ni'ka she replied "Humans are the ultimate explainers, the ultimate rationalisers, the ultimate excuse-makers. If something happens that we don't understand, we make up a story to explain it. In the old times those stories were myths and legends; now they're scientific theories and hypotheses. It's the same basic thing, though. We all had our minds blown by what happened here thirty years ago. But that was thirty years ago, and we've had a lot of new people and plenty of time to concoct an explanation that we're more comfortable with. One where we get to be the heroes; one that doesn't make us feel helpless in the face of things like demons and gods."
-
"Lady, I've seen people name aircraft, cars and even their rifles, so you giving your blue self a name ain't but one more on the list." Andy was about to laugh again, then remembered just in time how that had turned out last time and supressed it. "And I take your word on everything about those Avatars - even if you're gonna tell me they get up at night for secret poker games." He grinned. "Just kidding there; but if they somehow give you sitreps once you guys link in...they might have had quite a load of sensations for their drivers that morning."
Ni'ka quickly turned her face away when Andy talked about Avatars getting up at night, so she wouldn't give away anything about Enya - because her tsmuke would have loved to have someone at night to play with. But that was one kind of information Andy wouldn't get here and now. She masked the movement as turning to Ash, replying to the Dreamwalker's words.
"Your People's Lorekeepers failed, then," she stated, feeling puzzled and slightly annoyed about that fact at the same time. "It's a Lorekeeper's task to keep the legends and songs close enough to what happened so that we today can learn from the things the People have done in the times before. And thirty years isn't that much time." She looked up into the sky. "And now we all have to deal with a demon."
-
"Which gets back to what we and the shamans were talking about this morning...that I'm not the best person to try to rectify this," Ash said to them both. "The Na'vi sent Vrrtep packing all on their own the last time this happened. What can I do that they couldn't? But it was my and Mey's research that told the legend of Vrrtep and gave the honchos a clue of just how dangerous it was and how to release it. So I feel...not at fault somehow anymore, but like if I was part of the problem, I need to be part of the solution... Does that make any sense?"
-
"Waitaminute," Andy stuttered. "That thing has been here before?? And you guys--" He was looking at Ni'ka now: "--already sent it home once?" That was the first he'd heard of Vrrtep having ever threatened Eywa and Pandora before now. "Respect on that! Maybe we ain't totally screwed up after all." Then he turned to Ash. "But there is a difference - I don't think last time that humans were involved in the whole business. So maybe that's where you and your friend can make a difference."
He suddenly yawned. "Sorry guys...haven't talked that much since I left the 'Gate," he apologized.
"We've been keeping you up for a good while now," Ni'ka said, remembering that the old Olo'eyktan, too, had only had a certain amount of energy and that the Tawtute warrior had been injured badly. She smirked. "Seems that's something we're good at today. We better let you rest now."
-
"Andy," Ash sighed, sounding annoyed, "if humans hadn't been involved in the whole business, we'd still be talking about Vrrtep in the past tense." She gave the trooper a hard look, then relented. "But thank you for talking to us. A few more stories like that and I might even decide we've got a decent chance... Scratch that: I know we do. Between what happened to us and what people are telling me here, I think things might finally be starting to turn around...or at least turn a corner, not like there are corners inside a tree big enough to swallow a dozen skyscrapers. Something to think about if you hear someone's planning to bring the thing down around your head... C'mon, Ni'ka; let's go."
She arose, wished Andy a pleasant rest and a quick recovery, then made her way out to the Commons again.
-
Walking out of Andy's niche, Ni'ka turned around long enough to see the Tawtute man slide down again and close his eyes, his face suddenly looking tired, but still not as pale as it had been the first time she'd seen him.
"He'll make it," she said to Ash as they were walking through the healers' area. "And then we'll have to decide what to do about him." She was a bit torn about that. On the one hand Andy belonged to the people who were responsible for the trouble Pandora was in now, and he wasn't here at Hometree voluntarily like Rick. On the other hand the man seemed honest when he talked about wanting to help them now and the reasons for it. But that was a decision they wouldn't have to make right there and then. What they should decide was where they'd go from here... Had the Tsahiks already had enough time to make a decision?
Some of that undecidedness must have shown in her face, as suddenly a woman was walking over to Ash and Ni'ka. When she reached the pair she bowed her head. "Kaltxi," she said. "My name is Ru'ni and I'm one of the weavers. I have seen you coming out of Andy's nook. That's good; he rarely gets visitors, and even a Tawtute warrior needs someone to talk to." She gave the two other women an open smile. "Say - I'm on my way towards the hot springs; I've just brought some new blankets up here that we've been making over the last few days, and my back needs some hot water to loosen up again. Would you like to come along and join in?"
Ni'ka's face immediately lit up. She had heard about those hot springs, but never seen them...and since her first day at Hometree, when 'Iheyu had given her that sponge bath, she had a secret crush on warm water on her body. "I'd like that," she beamed, then turned to Ash. "What do you think?"
-
Ash's tense demeanor had gone back into hiding by the time the weaver met them, and now she smiled. "I think I promised that one warrior that Enya would be coming here; maybe not a good idea to say that until I've spoken with her parents, hmm?" She was inwardly pleased that it had come out "spoken with", not "spoken to"; that approach had worked far better in the cabin last night, and she was sure the family had had quite enough of her lecturing...and, come to think of it, maybe she'd had enough of it too. "But if she's coming, be it sooner or later, we'd better make sure the place is ready for her, don't you think?" She broke into a wide grin. Then, to the weaver, she said "Sail on, O Ship of State!" and held out her arm in an unmistakable "Lead the way" gesture for translation.