Ash didn't glower at the older woman; she had that much respect, at least. But her slumped shoulders and the set of her ears spoke volumes, and she knew it.
"Look," she sighed irritably. "If I tell you how I really feel about this--if I even let myself feel it all the way--I am going to get upset. And then my eyes will change color and I'll start saying things that will totally kill my chances of going there at all, ever. I can't even think of spending the rest of my life with that thing in my arm--or acting like it's still in my arm--and lashing out at the least provocation, hurting the ones I love and almost guaranteeing that I'll never make another friend in my life. And who's to say that in that much time, Vrrtep's not gonna figure out how to make me a tool after all? Don't you See it?? Two trips to the Heart of Eywa didn't heal me in my human body. Not even the Blessing did that. I thought I'd try my luck with this one...a Na'vi body, capable of that sense of oneness with this world, which I think might be the missing ingredient... I've always kept myself apart from people and things, mostly out of fear or embarrassment, but I couldn't do it in my Dreamwalker form if I tried. But if I can't go or I don't go pretty damn close to soon, how on Earth or anywhere else am I supposed to heal?? Because it's becoming pretty obvious that I can't do it on my own!!"
Ali'ite reached over and cupped Ash's chin in her palm. It was a gesture meant to comfort, but also to hold a person's attention. "Ash...dear, dear child...no one has said that you cannot return to the Heart. What we are trying to do, you no less than the rest of us, is to determine if that is the best course for you right now, right here, as you stand today. You will go eventually, trust me, because you are right--the ultimate healing for what the shard did to you can only happen in the place where Eywa is strongest.
"But there are other healings, Ash. Ones that can minimise the influence of the Red and make it more manageable to live with; ones that will bring your condition under your control. For what it's worth, you carried the fragment itself in your very flesh for weeks on end, and yet the Red could not take you. Now that it's out, all you have left to fight are its echoes. You've already won that fight, Ash, whether the wounded things in your spirit realise it or not. That realisation can take time, time you need. And the healing it brings you will take more time than that, because not everything harmful in your soul is because of the shard. You brought much of the hurt with you when you came to this world, this daughter-moon, one of so many that circle the globe which owns the sky."
"Time I need," said Ash firmly, "is time the world hasn't got."
If the statement had been meant to rock the gathering back on its heels, it failed. The Tsahiks were well aware of Pandora's situation, more so than any outsider could be; nothing any Dreamwalker said could come as a surprise to them. Instead, at least two of them had spotted the one small ray of hope in what Ash had said: That she couldn't avoid the Unity in her Na'vi body if she'd tried. 'Ohana and Maru exchanged glances; they meant to pursue the thought if someone else didn't, or if doing so would not drive it back into hiding...